


Photocopy All The Things That We Could Be

by tylerisdun (lastmidtown)



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, Midtown, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Paramore, The Academy Is..., Twenty One Pilots, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Comedy, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Office, The Office AU, a lot of of ships and drama and stuff, based loosely off the office tv show, brendon's new, dallon's dallon, frank has an obvious crush on gerard, gabe and william are gay, hopefully funny????, idk though - Freeform, it's basically like a tv show fanfiction, pete likes mikey and patrick likes pete, ray's a ray of sunshine but what's new, uhhh might add joshler???? not sure yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-01-31 15:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12684984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastmidtown/pseuds/tylerisdun
Summary: Ryan Ross glanced over from the Accounting block and raised an eyebrow at the new guy. “You don’t know what kind of mess you’re getting into, kid.”“Ryan!” Pete said, scandalized. “Don’t worry, he’s just kidding.” Pete smiled over at the young-looking brunette boy on his right.“He’s not,” Frank Iero said from the receptionist table.// A bandom, multi-ship AU loosely based off of the TV show The Office.





	1. Episode 1: This Curse On Your Lips

The door to the office swung open. Everyone turned around to stare at the intruder, and their stares did not cease when they realized that the intruder was someone they’d never seen before. Oh, and Pete Wentz.

 

“Good good good good morning, everyone!” Pete said cheerily, to a chorus of moans and groans. Pete scowled. “Aw, c’mon. We’ve got a new guy, so we _should_ be making a good impression.”

 

That threw the office into a state of uproar. Pete hadn’t mentioned hiring a new guy. No one knew what this meant for them. Was someone going to get fired? Was Pete looking to replace someone? A quick headcount of the each department showed that no one was missing. Pete laughed. “Guys, don’t worry so much. We’re expanding because our sales have been so good, so corporate thought it was a good idea to bring on another salesperson. Everyone meet Brendon Urie.”

 

Ryan Ross glanced over from the Accounting block and raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know what the hell kind of mess you’re getting into, kid.”

 

“Ryan!” Pete said, scandalized. “Don’t worry, he’s just kidding.” Pete smiled over at the young-looking brunette kid on his right.

 

“He’s not,” Frank Iero said from the receptionist table, earning him a Pete Wentz-certified glare. Frank grinned wolfishly. “Welcome to Santi Silverware Company. How can I help you?”

 

——

 

BRENDON: Well, yeah, I’m a little concerned. I just needed a way to make some money, you know? And yeah, this is my first real job. I found this random silverware company online, and I sent in an application, and now I'm here. Listen, I’m just looking to make some money till I can find something better. ( _mumbling off camera)_ Wait, is that what everyone says? He’s been here _how_ many years? Well, fuck.

 

——

 

“I’ll give you the grand tour,” Pete said, whooshing his arms around his tiny body. “So, you’ve met me. I’m the fearless leader of this joint. Mr. Peter Lewis Kingston Kingston Wentz the third, but you can just call me Pete. Most people do. Over here in sales, we’ve got your future crew. That’s Gerard, Josh, Andy, Lindsey, and Hayley.”

 

“Pete!” Gabe Saporta burst in, looking scandalized. “You forgot about me, _hombre_.”

 

Pete shrugged. “That’s Gabe. We try to forget about him. You’ll do well to do the same.”

 

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, _mi amor_ ,” Gabe said, smiling at Brendon in a way that was almost predatory. Brendon visibly gulped.

 

“Anyway,” Pete continued. “Next is accounting. We have Joe, Ryan, Jamia, and Mikey.” Pete grinned widely as he finished the sentence, practically batting his eyelashes at Mikey. Ryan made a gagging noise and threw a post-it at Joe, who was sitting across from him. Brendon choked back a laugh.

 

——

 

JOE: Pete has the world’s _grossest_ crush on Mikey. Like, batting his eyelashes, rosy pink cheeks, giving him fucking chocolates, the whole shebang. Ryan and I have turned it into a game. It _would_ be a drinking game, but apparently drinking at work is frowned upon. Could’ve fooled me. Instead of drinking, we just throw Post-Its at each other now. _(sighing)_ It’s not quite the same. _(mumbling off-camera)_ Does Mikey know? He’d have to be crazy not to. Or maybe he’s just blocking out the traumatic experience of having Pete Wentz crush on you.

 

———

 

“Be glad you’re not in this department,” Jamia said serenely, kicking Ryan under the table. “They’re somehow simultaneously soul-sucking and childish.”

 

Ryan raised his eyebrows and glanced at Brendon, then immediately away, since he’d noticed Brendon was staring a little too intensely at him. He adjusted his scarf nervously.

 

“Oh yes, human resources,” Pete said with a nod. “Another department we try to forget about.” Ray Toro cleared his throat and scowled at Pete, which made Pete roll his eyes. “Here we have Ray, William, Tyler, and Dallon.”

 

“Ray holds this office together,” Dallon said. “Pete likes to forget about that.”

 

“I’m the backbone of this office, Weekes, and I’m in control of your paycheck,” Pete said, throwing a ball of paper he’d somehow magically produced at the tall man.

 

Dallon smirked. “Well, technically corporate is, so...”

 

“If it were up to me, I’d cut the entire HR department,” Pete said with a long-suffering sigh. Brendon glanced from the Human Resources guys, who seemed a little too happy for their department to be in any actual danger, back to Pete, and decided it was a joke. _Mostly_.

 

———

 

RAY: Am I the backbone of this office? Oh, absolutely. My HR boys are the only one that realizes it. Well, I mean Tyler mostly talks in code, but Josh assures me it’s good things, mostly. Yeah, on Boss Appreciation Day or whatever he sent me of a picture of a blinking eye that Josh says means that I open his eyes to new perspectives or some weird shit like that. And William’s always either being sarcastic or being weird with Gabe. But yeah, my boys got my back. I have to keep everyone in line, though. Frank’s constantly trying to jump on top of people for some fucking reason and Gabe tries to flirt with corporate and Joe’s usually high and Josh once tried to hold a seance and Lindsey once “accidentally” punched a customer and Pete’s a handful in himself. So yeah. I’ve got my hands full. _(burying head in hands)_ I deserve a raise.

 

———

 

“Last but not least, we have our darling receptionist, Frankie,” Pete said, gesturing to Frank Iero, seated at the front of the office and wearing a striped shirt with the sleeves pushed up, exposing multiple tattoos on his arms, combined with black jeans, and looking extremely casual. Brendon looked surprised.

 

Frank rolled his eyes. “You can call me Frank. Just like _Petey_ here will do if he knows what’s good for him.”

 

“Don’t forget who gives out your paycheck,” Pete said in a sing-songy voice. “Keep your sleeves down, by the way. Just in case corporate decides to pop in and notices I’ve got a human art exhibit as my receptionist.”

 

“You’re one to talk,” Frank said with a smirk. “Besides, you can’t fire me. No one in their right fucking mind would choose to be the receptionist for this shitshow.”

 

“I’d do it for you, Frankie,” Gerard piped up from his seat near Frank’s desk. Frank just grinned back at him, his cheeks going a little pink.

 

“Are you two dating?” Brendon asked, glancing between the two of them with a half-evil grin.

 

Frank nearly choked. “Uh, no,” he said nervously. “We’re just, you know, good friends.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Pete said in a stage-whisper that literally everyone in the office could hear. “Everyone here asks themselves the same question.”

 

Frank went beet red.

 

———

 

FRANK: Okay, yes, I have a crush on Gerard, now shut the fuck up, you motherfuckers. No, I don’t think anyone knows. I pride myself on not being obvious. Except when fucking Brendon Urie strutted up in here and asked us if we were fucking dating, what the fuck. _(whispering off camera)_ Yeah, I was hired two years ago, and I only planned on staying a few months. No, I’m not staying for Gerard. Just for Gerard, I mean.

 

———

 

MIKEY: _(expressionless)_ Yeah, I know Frank has a crush on my brother. Pretty much everyone does. I like Frank as much as I like anybody, so it’s fine. _(muttering off-camera)_ Does Gerard know? Oh, no, Gerard has no fucking clue. He’s an idiot. I love him, but he’s an idiot. Most oblivious person in the world.

 

———

 

Someone cleared their throat from behind Pete and Brendon. Pete whirled around and then grinned, wrapping his arm around Patrick Stump’s shoulders. “Oh, how could I forget!” he said dramatically. “My darling assistant, Patrick M. Stump! Patrick, meet Brendon.” He kissed Patrick on the cheek. Patrick’s cheeks went completely red.

 

Turning around to Frank’s desk, Brendon whispered, “Isn’t that sexual harassment?”

 

Frank shrugged. “Probably.”

 

Patrick stepped forward, extending a hand to Brendon. “Hi, Brendon, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sure you’ll fit in well here. Especially if you’re a total freak like the rest of these imbeciles. And yes, Pete, that includes you.”

 

Brendon laughed. “I’d say I’m a pretty fu- pretty big imbecile. Wait, are we allowed to curse around here?”

 

“Officially, no,” Pete said with a wink.

 

Frank raised his eyebrows. “Pete. You curse more than anyone in the office. I swear, most of the time you can’t even go a sentence without saying fuck.”

 

“That’s totally fucking untrue,” Pete said with a scowl. “Wait. Fuck.”

 

“We should put out a swear jar,” Lindsey said. “Ooh, or make it a drinking game.”

 

“That’s not allowed anymore!” Joe shot back. “Trust me, I’ve tried.”

 

“Well, it’s technically not allowed, but what Pete doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him,” Gabe told the room slyly. “The perks of having a metal water bottle.”

 

Frantically, Pete looked at Gabe and then at the camera. “Gabe!”

 

“I mean, I only drink _agua,_ water, the good shit,” Gabe said quickly. “I never drink the devil’s water. Especially at work.”

 

———

 

WILLIAM: Gabe blacked out five times last weekend. Over the course of less than three days. And guess who was left to take care of him. Who drinks on a Sunday _morning_? Gabe Saporta, that’s who. I don’t even think he’s an alcoholic; that’s the worst part. He doesn’t really need it, and he can go days without drinking. He does sometimes when we just hang together and I insist. He just think it’s fun, risky, what the hell ever. It’s annoying. _(Incoherent talking off-camera.)_ No, I haven’t told him how much it bothers me. What the fuck? No, I don’t like Gabe like _that!_ I mean, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it, but…. wait. No. Don’t use this footage. Please?

 

———

 

GABE: Yes, I’ve gotten drunk on a Sunday morning. Hasn’t everyone? Well, my pal Travie was throwing a party — yes, on a Sunday, as if we dirty sinners would be going to church anyways — so I figured might as well have some fun with it. Yes, I called William to get me. What the fuck else would I do, drive home? I love Bilvy, by the way. He’s my best friend. You couldn’t meet a better guy if you tried. No, what the hell, I’m not into William. Or am I? You decide. _(Staring in a salacious manner at the camera.)_ Hi there.

 

———

 

“I feel like we should turn this into a competition,” Josh said, swerving his rolling chair around to join the conversation, an innocent smile plastered on his face. “See who can go the longest without swearing. Winner gets a month of free coffee courtesy of the losers.”

 

Gerard’s entire face lit up. He practically sprung out of his chair, knocking papers off of his desk. “Did someone say _coffee_ and _free_ in the same sentence?”

 

“Gerard, you’re not gonna win,” Mikey said patiently. “You curse like a sailor.”

 

“Fuck off, Mikey, I do not,” Gerard retorted. Immediately after, he realized his mistake. “Well, shit.”

 

Josh smirked. “I’ll be nice and not count that, Gerard.”

 

“That’s not fair,” Pete objected. “Josh, you and Tyler don’t curse anyways.”

 

Walking over with a cup of coffee in hand, Tyler rolled his eyes. “I’ll have you all know I said frick last week. In the church, of all places.”

 

“An absolute scandal,” William said dramatically. “Who knows what this maniac will do next?”

 

“I thought you guys had a coffee machine in the break room that was free anyways,” Brendon pitched in, a confused expression on his face.

 

Almost everyone in the room, including the Accounting department that had been typing furiously (save for Joe, who had been eating a suspicious-looking brownie), stopped to gasp in unison and stare at Brendon. Andy made a tsking noise with his mouth and said, “Look, little B, I don’t even drink coffee that often, and even I know that’s sacrilege.”

 

“The shit that comes out of that thing is basically just mud water,” Gerard informed Brendon, wrinkling up his nose. “Some of us have standards.”

 

“I drink it,” Dallon said with a pout.

 

“My point exactly.” Gerard practically scoffed.

 

“Guess I’ll stay away from that then,” Brendon said quietly, almost to himself.

 

“Anyways, since Tyler and I don’t curse, we’ll be the judges of this competition,” Josh said.

 

“Can I get a list of the words that aren’t allowed?” Hayley asked, raising her hand a little bit.

 

With a strange grin on his face, Gabe started off, “Any variant of fuck, shit, damn, bitch, goddamn, ass…”

 

“My virgin ears,” Tyler complained, putting his hands over his ears.

 

“I think you can guess the rest,” Josh said, cutting off Gabe’s long list of curse words and their variants. “Anyway, let’s start this thing. 3… Gerard, Frank, you may want to get all your cursing out now…” Frank obliged, letting out a long train of curse words that would make any grandmother blush. “Two…. one.” Josh finished. “Any curse word from this point onwards will be penalized.”

 

“Wow, I’ve never felt so golly gee good,” Pete said.

 

“That’s, uh, that’s probably not how you use that, Pete,” Josh said carefully.

 

“Anyways, Brendon, get settled in and then come see me. Corporate wants to give you the welcome spiel. Don’t trust anything they say about me, though, it’s all bullsh- bullshamalongadingdong.” Pete grinned.

 

“Nice save,” Ryan mumbled.

 

Pete shot Ryan the bird. “Is that allowed? It’s not _technically_ a curse word.”

 

“Speaking from a workplace perspective, no,” Ray chimed in.

 

“Did anyone ask you, Ray?” Pete replied, shooting Ray a fierce glare. Ray put up his hands in surrender.

 

“Happy first day, Brendon,” Frank said with a high-pitched giggle.

 

———

 

JOSH: Why, yes, I do enjoy causing drama in the workplace. Last month Tyler and I left all these anonymous notes all over people’s desks that were coded using one of those decoder things you’d get in cereal boxes when you were a little kid. Gerard totally _freaked_. He thought it was, like, a ransom note, and someone kidnapped one of Frank’s five hundred ugly dogs. Then Gabe had a crisis because he thought he’d forgotten how to read English. And _then_ Jamia googled the note we left on her desk and it turned out to be the motto for a cult. So everyone thought they were getting recruited to join a cult. _(Josh grins and scratches the back of his neck.)_ As if their lives could ever be that cool.

 

———

 

“Hey, Ray,” Mikey said, sidling up to the Human Resources desk.

 

“Hi, Mikey,” Ray said warily, glancing up at Mikey. “Listen, we’ve got a lot of paperwork to process for Brendon, so whatever it is, make it quick.”

 

“I just wanted to let you know that someone stuck a piece of bread in the copier.”

 

Ray sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, looking extremely annoyed. “Nice try, Mikey.”

  
“What?” Mikey asked innocently.

 

“That’s not even my job, okay?” Ray said. “You just wanted to make me upset and get me to curse. But I’m not going to. I have more strength than that. Also, it was probably you that put the bread in the copier. So goodbye. Talk to Dallon. Dallon! You’ve got an IT emergency!”

 

———

 

DALLON: Yes, I’m technically the IT guy. I just hang with Human Resources cause I suck at being the IT guy. Yes, I put bread in the copier. I _like_ bread, okay, and I figured if I put it in the copier that I would get more bread. Turns out that’s not how it works. How am I going to fix it? I’ll take the bread out, okay. _(sighing)_ I _may_ have embellished my resume a little bit to get this job.

 

———

 

Gabe was sipping on some coffee in the break room when William walked up to him and smacked the coffee out of his hand. Thankfully, Gabe kept his hold on the cup, but the coffee splashed all over his shirt. Gabe stared at William in shock. “What the _fuck_?”

 

“Got you,” William said, smirking.

 

“Shit,” Gabe said, grabbing some napkins from beside the coffee maker to dab futilely at his shirt. “Well, we all knew I wasn’t gonna last anyway. But damn, Bilvy, did you have to ruin my shirt in the process?”

 

“It was ugly anyway,” William replied with a look of feigned innocence.

 

Gabe glared at William, then grabbed the smaller man around the waist and began frantically tickling him. William shrieked, batting Gabe’s hands away as he giggled. “Gabe! Stop it! I’m serious! Come on, Gabe, fuck off —“

 

Gabe gasped. “I heard that, Guillermo! Now we’re both out!” He continued tickling William, both of them laughing loudly.

 

The door creaked open. Jamia walked in and raised an eyebrow at the two of them. “Listen, I didn’t mean to interrupt whatever gay shit you two were up to in here. Continue.” When William and Gabe both looked at her with shrug smiles, she gasped. “Shit.”

 

“Three down in the first few minutes,” William said dramatically. “Whomever will survive?”

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how you use that word,” Jamia said dryly. William stuck out his tongue.

 

———

 

GABE: Still not dating. I know plenty of bros who tickle each other and cuddle and manly shit like that. No homo, bro.

 

———

 

“Fuck you!” Hayley exploded to a giggling Lindsey. “You just _had_ to start singing Hot and Cold and get me out!”

 

“You could’ve sang the clean version,” Lindsey pointed out.

 

“That would just be disrespectful,” Hayley said with a scowl.

 

“I can’t believe I got Frank out,” Lindsey mused, glancing over at Frank’s desk.

 

“What?” Frank said, the picture of wide-eyed innocence. “Katy Perry’s a classic!”

 

———

 

FRANK: Yes, I got out on purpose. Don’t give me that look. Fine, it was for fucking Gerard. I like coffee, but I’m not a coffee maniac like Gerard, y’know? He deserves this. Fuck off. _(smiling)_ Hey, at least I can return to my normal vocabulary again!

 

———

 

“It’s been like an hour,” Brendon said, sitting down at his new desk. “How are half of you out already?”

 

Ryan, who was walking by with a stack of papers half his height, smirked at Brendon. “Oh, please, Urie. Like you’re not tempted.” He licked his lips and raised his eyebrows. “You might be new, but that doesn’t mean I’ll go easy on you, kid.”

 

As Ryan walked over to dump his stack of papers on Frank’s desk, Brendon gulped and put his head in his hands. “Holy s- mother of Mary.”

 

“Does that count?” Gabe asked eagerly.

 

Josh didn’t even look up. “No.”

 

“No fair,” Gabe pouted.

 

“You’re just mad cause you got out first,” Brendon said, sticking out his tongue.

 

“He’s been here two hours and already he’s insulting me,” Gabe said, scowling.

 

“He fits in perfectly,” William chimed in from the HR table.

 

“Fuck all of you,” Gabe said, staring at his workmates. “Don’t you wish you could say it back? Huh? Don’t you, Andy?”

 

“No,” Andy said simply. “Nice try, Gabe.”

 

Gabe groaned.

 

———

 

JOE: _(confidently)_ I’m not going to get out. I’ve got this competition in the fucking bag. ( _pause)_ Oh, wait.

 

———

 

“Okay,” Mikey said, tapping his pen. “So it’s been three hours and William and Gabe got out by being gay, Joe got out unconsciously, Hayley and Frank got out by singing Katy Perry, Dallon got out trying to fix the copier — “

 

“I squished my hand,” Dallon said, scowling. “It fucking _hurt,_ Mikey.”

 

“Not even going to ask,” Mikey continued. “Andy got out lecturing someone about Crossfit in a too-passionate manner— “

 

“Worthy cause,” Andy said with a nod.

 

“I got out because I told Andy to shut the fuck up about Crossfit, Ryan got out for telling Brendon to stop staring at his goddamn desk before it caught on fire, Patrick got out for telling Pete to schedule his own damn appointments if he hates Patrick’s system so much, and Lindsey got out for cursing Tyler out when he threw a pen at her,” Mikey finished.

 

“I’m sorry again,” Tyler said solemnly. “It was meant for Josh. He’s addicted to pens.”

 

“I am not,” Josh replied crossly. “Having a pen collection doesn’t mean you’re addicted, gosh.”

 

“That leaves Gerard, Pete, Brendon, and Ray,” Mikey pointed out.

 

“HELL YES!” Brendon shouted. The room turned to stare at him. Brendon’s face suddenly went white. “Wait, does hell count?”

 

Josh and Tyler looked at each other, as if communicating via their minds. “Yes,” they said in unison. “Hell counts.”

 

Brendon groaned and buried his head in his arms again. Mikey said, “So just Gerard, Pete, and Ray then.”

 

“I’m surprised Gerard made it this long,” Lindsey commented.

 

Gerard beamed. “I take free coffee _very_ seriously.”

 

———

 

PETE: How did I make it this long? Well, you know, I’ve got to be the fearless leader of this office. I’ve got to show them that anything’s possible. I’ve got strength and determination, you see. I can win this. _(pause)_ Maybe.

 

———

 

Frank grinned at the camera. “Listen, I’ve got a plan to get Pete out. And yes, I’m helping Gerard so he can win, shut up. It’s technically not illegal. Anyways, watch this.” Frank poked his head in the door of Pete’s office. “Hey, Pete, you’ve got a call from some girl asking for you. I think her name is Ashlee?”

 

“What?” Pete said, scrambling up. “Oh my god, tell her not to call here! What the hell? Why would she be calling me? We broke up years ago, for fuck’s sake, hurry, hang up, tell her something — why aren’t you _moving_?”

 

Frank smirked. “Wait, maybe her name was Mary or something.”

 

“Oh my _god_ ,” Pete said as it dawned upon him what was happening. Frank giggled and darted out of the room. Pete stared at the camera. “I hate that little punk. One of these days, I _will_ fire him. I just… have to find another receptionist first.” Pete shrugged.

 

———

 

“We’re in the final round, ladies and gentlemen,” William said dramatically. “Gerard versus Ray. Everyone place your bets now on who will win.”

 

———

 

RAY: Oh yeah, believe me, I have a strategy. As the head of HR, I make it my duty to understand each and every person in this office. And that means I know Gerard. I know how he ticks. Trust me.

 

———

 

Ray stared at Gerard. “Star Wars is incredibly overrated.”

 

Gerard’s mouth dropped open. “Y- you take that back, Ray Toro.”

 

“Comics are for nerds.”

 

“That one may be somewhat true, but comics can be enjoyed by anyone of any age, interest set, or gender — “

 

“Coffee is disgusting and so is anyone who drinks it.”

 

“That’s just too far,” Gerard said, glaring daggers at Ray. “Fuck _off._ ”

 

“Gerard!” Frank yelped, looking betrayed. “I sacrificed myself for you and you didn’t even win?”

 

“You what?” Gerard said, clearly bewildered.

 

“Nothing,” Frank said quickly. Mikey choked on a laugh behind his hand.

 

———

 

MIKEY: Look, I love Ray as much as the next guy, but I just had to cut Gee off of the Coffee Allowance Fund. And I don’t wanna have to give that money to Ray. I was kind of looking forward to using it on shit I actually like. But I always follow through on my promises.

 

———

 

GERARD: _(glaring)_ Fuck Mikey. And fuck Ray too. As a matter of fact, just fuck everybody.

 

———

 

RAY: _(grinning)_ I won! Can you say free coffee? ( _mumbling off-camera)_ Yeah, I know you guys can’t actually talk. It’s just a figure of speech, okay?

 

———

 

BRENDON: This office is so fucking weird. _(grinning)_ I love it.

 

———

 

PETE: I’m firing everyone.


	2. Episode 2: Bring It! (Snakes at a Party)

The door to the office swung open again. This time, no one looked up. Pete Wentz rolled his eyes. “Well, hello everyone.” Of the people who were gathered in the office already, only Patrick Stump looked at him from where he was standing by the receptionist’s desk and gave him a quick nod. Pete sighed, placing the box he was carrying on the counter of the receptionist’s desk. “I said hello.” There was still no response.

 

The door creaked open. This time, William Beckett strutted in. Immediately, Gabe Saporta looked up, gave a high-pitched squealing noise, and flung himself at a very surprised William. William just laughed and hugged Gabe back, allowing the taller man to kiss him on the head.

 

“Now there’s the response I was looking for,” Pete complained. “Why doesn’t anyone greet me like that?”

 

“Gabe and William are gay for each other,” Mikey said without looking up. “You’ve gotta find someone to be gay for you.”

 

Pete gulped and stared at Mikey. Behind him, Frank giggled loudly and winked at the camera. Pete turned to glare at Frank, and Frank just shrugged. “Sorry, man. You’re not my type.”

 

“Yeah, cause your type has long greasy hair and an obsession with comics,” Ryan snorted. Frank shot Ryan a vicious glare. Much to Frank’s relief, though, Gerard just blinked, completely oblivious, and continued writing an email to one of his clients.

 

“Anyway,” Pete said. “Maybe you’ll all appreciate me more once you see what’s in this box.” Pete grinned from ear to ear and ripped the box open (after a couple of failed attempts), revealing a variety of bagels.

 

“Bagels?” Joe asked, raising one eyebrow at Pete.

 

“Breakfast!” Pete yelped. “And I brought coffee.”

 

Gerard’s head practically spun around at the word. “Did you say coffee?” When Pete nodded, Gerard’s face split into a smile. “I knew I loved you, Pete. You’re my best friend.” He leapt up out of his chair and darted towards the box.

 

In unison, Frank and Mikey said, “What the fuck, Gerard?” They then looked at each other and grinned.

 

“Oh hush,” Gerard said, reaching into the box for the coffee and setting it on the counter. He then proceeded to grab a cup and open the coffee, pour a cup, and take a big, long swig. Everyone watched him with wide eyes as he proceeded to drink the whole cup.

 

Pete grinned. “Now that I have your attention, I have a _very important_ announcement.” He paused dramatically, looking around to ensure that he had everyone’s attention. “I’m throwing a party.”

 

For almost thirty seconds, everyone in the room was silent. And then Ryan snorted. And then Jamia snorted. And then Gabe snorted. And then, one by one, the room started to dissolve into laughter.

 

Pete looked offended. “What the hell’s so funny?”

 

“Dude,” Brendon said through his laughter. “I’ve only been here like, a week, and even I know that no matter how cool your boss is, you don’t go to their _parties._ That’s like, asking to get fired. Especially if you do something fucking stupid.”

 

“Yeah,” William said, nodding vehemently. “Last time Gabe went to a party, he took off almost all of his clothes except his boxers and socks, tied the host’s flag from their front porch around his neck, jumped off of the couch onto some poor unsuspecting dude, and told the guy he was Ultra America Man or some shit. The guy told him there was already a Captain America and Gabe cried for an hour.”

 

“That’s because you weren’t there to stop me, Guillermo!” Gabe protested, batting his eyes at William. Mikey coughed to hide his gag.

 

“I’m not going to fire you guys for getting drunk,” Pete said in a significantly grumpier tone. “It’s a party; that’s what it’s for!”

 

“It’s just not very professional,” Jamia said dryly. “Getting drunk with your boss.” The rest of the office nodded in agreement.

 

“Fuck you guys,” Pete said, snatching his box of bagels back off of the counter. “None of you deserve my bagels.” Patrick stared at him with wide eyes, unblinking, and Pete sighed. “Except you, Patrick.” He then grabbed the coffee box. “You don’t deserve my coffee either. Again, except Patrick.”

 

Gerard pouted.

 

——

 

GERARD: Whatever. His coffee was mediocre anyways. _(smiling_ ) Frank and I will go to Starbucks during lunch and get coffee. And no, that’s not basic, shut the fuck up.

 

——

 

Pete stormed into his office with the box and slammed the door behind him. He then seemed to remember something, because he opened the door again and yelled “You’re all uninvited, by the way!” The rest of the office sat in silence for a few seconds before Josh spoke up. “Pat, please tell me you’re not going to go to his party.”

 

Patrick gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “I don’t know.”

 

——

 

PATRICK: _(looking unamused)_ I always get caught in the middle of these stupid feuds between Pete and the rest of the office. And of course I’d love to side with Pete, but then I’d just look like I’m kissing Pete’s ass, and that’s not the reputation I’d like to get with my friends. So instead I’m just in the middle and Pete’s mad at me and my friends are mad at me. It fucking sucks.

 

——

 

“You realize it’s just going to be you and Pete at the party,” Ryan commented, his eyes not on Patrick but on the paper in front of him.

 

Patrick blinked. “Is that what you guys think?”

 

“Well, yeah,” Lindsey said as everyone else nodded along. “This is a work party, right? If we don’t go, who else will?”

 

“Well, technically it is a work party, I guess,” Patrick said, shrugging. “But, uh, Pete’s got _connections_ , guys. I mean, he’s not just inviting you guys, even though he was hoping you’d come. He’s inviting a ton of celebrities. You know, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, the guy from Blink-182, Katy Perry, Rihanna, Bruno Mars…”

 

“Holy shit,” Andy breathed reverently.

 

“We’ve just made a huge fucking mistake,” Gabe said, and everyone nodded, indicating that Gabe spoke for all of them.

 

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure why you guys wouldn’t want to come,” Patrick continued. “I mean, last time he had a four story chocolate fountain, lots of fancy alcohol, fantastic food, and a great DJ. It was a ton of fun. But hey, just a work party, right?” Patrick smiled in a way that could be interpreted as devious and, before he slipped back into Pete’s office, said, “Have fun trying to get reinvited.”

 

Josh groaned and buried his head in his hands. “We’ve _got_ to get reinvited.”

 

——

 

JOSH: What do I know about Pete? _What do I know about Pete?_ He talks so much, but he says so little. Um. He loves music. Maybe we could play him a song? Um, um, he likes breakfast food, he likes Mikey Way… _that’s it._

 

——

 

Josh perched himself on the edge of Mikey’s desk. The rest of Accounting didn’t even glance up, a credit to their dedication. Mikey just groaned. “Some of us here actually do work.”

 

Josh blinked. “Hey, that’s offensive. I do work.”

 

“You’re at least 5 clients behind the rest of us,” Hayley called from Sales. “Including Brendon. And Brendon’s been here a week. Oh, and Andy, who takes breaks to do push-ups at least three times an hour. _And_ Gerard, who spends half his time staring at Frank.”

 

Gerard went beet red. “Do _not_.”

 

Shrugging, Josh said, “I’m on an important mission, Hayley, and if you want to get invited to Pete’s party, you’ll be silent and let me work my magic.”

 

Mikey sighed. “I don’t see how I can help you here.”

 

“Like you’re _that_ oblivious,” Joe remarked, leaning back in his chair and earning a glare from the still-working Ryan. “That’s like, Gerard levels of oblivious.” His voice was quiet enough that Gerard couldn’t hear him, thankfully.

 

“They are related,” Josh pointed out.

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mikey said stubbornly.

 

Josh sighed. “Look, Mikey, Pete has a _huge_ crush on you.”

 

“I thought Pete liked Patrick,” Mikey said, rubbing his chin.

 

“Patrick likes Pete. God, Mikey, keep up,” Joe tossed in from across the table.

 

“Anyway,” Josh interrupted, “what we need you to do is go in and act like you’re super upset about not being invited to the party and Pete will reinvite us. It’s super easy.”

 

“Have you ever seen Mikey act upset about anything?” Jamia asked skeptically.

 

“That’s why it’s called acting,” Josh insisted.

 

Mikey groaned irritably. “If I do this, will you leave me and the rest of Accounting alone, and tell the rest of your department to stay away too? Except Gee, cause he’s my brother and I couldn’t ban him if I tried. Which I have.”

 

This, Gerard heard. “You love it,” Gerard protested weakly.

 

“I’ll do my best,” Josh promised.

 

“Thank God,” Ryan said. “Goodbye, foul heathens.”

 

——

 

MIKEY: I don’t see how Pete likes me any more than anyone else in the office. Well, there was that time he somehow figured out my birthday and threw this elaborate birthday party for me, including a fancy-ass cake. And that other time he noticed I was feeling down and bought me a fucking balloon bouquet. But I figured that was just Pete being Pete. _(shrugging)_

 

——

 _  
_ Mikey rapped lightly on Pete’s door. Pete groaned. “What the fuck do you want? First you all shoot me down and kill my spirit, now you want to talk to me?”

 

“It’s Mikey,” Mikey said, glancing back at the camera.

 

“Mikey?” Pete asked, his voice sounding considerably happier than it had just seconds before. “Oh, well, come in then!”

 

Mikey raised his eyebrows, but stepped into the room. “Hey, Pete. I. Well. I really did want to go to your party. Everyone else — well, they were just being assholes, but I think they do want to go too.”

 

“Really?” Pete asked. “Well, you’re reinvited then, of course.”

 

“Uh, what about everyone else?” Mikey asked.

 

“You really want them to come?” Pete said, looking pained.

 

“Well, yeah.” Mikey frowned. “Gee’s my brother, so I want him there, and he won’t be happy unless Frank’s there, and Frank needs moral support, so Ray, and Ray needs his boys, so — “

 

“I get it,” Pete interrupted. “Fine. They’re all reinvited. Tomorrow night, starts at ten. I’ll email everyone my address. But next time they’re assholes about my fucking parties, I won’t be so gracious.” Mikey raised an eyebrow suspiciously, and Pete sighed. “You know me too well, Mikeyway. I’m a fount of graciousness.”

 

“Great,” Mikey said dryly. “I’m gonna go let them know the good news, then.”

 

Pete beamed at him. “See you later, Mikeyway. And you know you can come talk to me any time.”

 

“Of course.” Mikey ducked his head as he walked out of the room, but the camera still caught a little bit of the red on his cheeks. The camera then panned over to Patrick, who was standing outside of the door, his glare fixated on Mikey.

 

——

 

MIKEY: No, I don’t like Pete. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Can I go?

 

——

 

“I got you all reinvited,” Mikey announced as he walked back in the room. “Tomorrow, 10 PM, he’ll email the address. Now leave me the fuck alone. I think I’ve earned it.”

 

Ryan gave him a silent high-five as he sat down in his chair, and Jamia clapped him on the back. Gabe and Josh hooted from the table beside theirs. Ryan flipped them off.

 

Over at the HR table, though, the HR boys had their heads together, whispering, and they did not look so happy.

 

——

 

RAY: Yes, I’m a little concerned about this party. It’s not a work party technically, but it kind of is, right? And there’s going to be alcohol, which is already a big no-no, and knowing Joe he’ll bring pot, and knowing Ryan he’ll partake, and Brendon has a huge thing for Ryan already so he probably will too. And Frank might, if he’s not too busy watching Gerard’s ass. And some of these people don’t handle their alcohol well, especially Gabe and William, so that’s terrific. Oh yes, and liability problems, because someone is _bound_ to get hurt. Of course I’m fucking concerned. This is an HR _nightmare_.

 

——

 

DALLON: Sometimes Ray can get a little overzealous, of course. But for this, I think he’s just the right amount of zealous. This seems like a bad idea. But hey, I might get to meet Katy Perry, so that’s cool.

 

——

 

The next night all of the office workers turned up to discover that Patrick had not, in fact, been lying to them. Pete’s house was buzzing. Before they even walked in, they could hear music blasting, people yelling, and the beeps of something electronic. Ryan, who had arrived with Brendon, Andy, and Joe, raised an eyebrow. “ _This_ should be interesting.”

 

“It looks fun,” Brendon said optimistically. “And also like I can get totally fucked up.”

 

“Yeah, man,” Joe said, high-fiving him.

 

Ryan rolled his eyes, but the boys walked in together nonetheless. On the other side was a party of exactly the proportions Patrick had mentioned - fountains of chocolate, celebrities, a real DJ, disco lights, the whole shebang. Andy looked surprised. “Wait, what the hell? How does Pete have all this money and shit?”

 

“Prostitution,” Joe said, grinning. “I don’t know, but who fucking cares, man? Let’s go get fucked up.”

 

“Hell yeah,” Brendon said, and the two of them made off for the alcohol supply.

 

Behind them, Mikey entered with Frank, Gerard, Jamia, Ray, Dallon, and Tyler. Pete was in front of them in what felt like mere seconds. “Welcome, everyone! I hope you’ll enjoy the party.”

 

“It’s definitely something,” Mikey said, glancing around warily.

 

“I can give you a tour if you’d like, Mikeyway,” Pete said, grinning. “There’s even more than meets the eye to this place - secret passageways, hidden secrets, the like. I think you’d really enjoy it.”

 

“Uh, I’m sure I would, but…” Mikey turned around, glancing over his shoulder. His eyes fell on Gerard, who had already started sneaking off towards the alcohol supply, Frank hot on his heels. He sighed. “I need to keep an eye on my brother. _”_

 

 _“_ It looks like Frank’s got him,” Pete offered.

 

“Yeah, but he shouldn’t _have_ to,” Mikey said glumly. “I know Frank’s in love with him or whatever, but he’s not Frank’s responsibility like he is mine.”

 

“You need to loosen up every once in a while,” Pete said, patting Mikey on the shoulder.

 

“And I will,” Mikey said. “Just not tonight. I promise.”

 

He gave Pete a somewhat forced smile before heading off in the same direction as his brother, already shouting at Gerard to put the drink down. Disappointed, Pete turned to Patrick. “Pat, you know I’d offer to give you the tour, but I’m pretty sure there’s nothing you haven’t already seen.”

 

“You can show me again if you want,” Patrick offered. Pete groaned, but nodded and started walking, Patrick following loyally behind him.

 

——

 

TYLER: _(frowning)_ The party’s been going on about an hour now. So far, Mikey and Frank have spent all of it on a crusade to redirect Gerard from drinking, Gabe’s danced on every surface imaginable, Brendon got drunk and tried to kiss Katy Perry, who wasn’t into it, to try to make Ryan jealous, Ryan got drunk and has been waxing poetic about someone’s knees, Joe definitely got high and is trying to get someone to join him, and Lindsey threatened to punch some guy from a rock band in the face. So yeah, it’s going well, I’d say. ( _shaking his head)_ Ray was right. Then again, Ray usually is. The world is a black hole, and we’re all being sucked in. Except me. _(pausing)_ And Josh. And most of HR.

 

——

 

William groaned loudly. “Gabeeeee.”

 

“What is it, Bilvy?” Gabe slurred, leaning against the bar. “Hey, bartender, give me a —“

 

“Glass of water,” William interrupted, glaring at Gabe.

 

Gabe glared back at William. “I was gonna say a margarita, what the fuck? Alcohol is free tonight and I wanna get _hammered_.”

 

“You already are,” William said dryly. “Any more and your liver will never forgive you.”

 

Gabe stared blankly at William. “What are you so upset about? Who caaaares if I get totally fucked up and do some dumb shit? Who cares if I screw up my liver forever? It’s my body, right?”

 

William sighed and grabbed Gabe’s hand, not even giving him time to react before pulling him off into a corner of the room and sitting down beside him on the couch. “I fucking care, Gabe,” he said seriously, staring at Gabe. “All right? I’m not asking you to stop drinking. I know you enjoy it. But it shouldn’t be a competition of how fucked up you can get every night. It’s much more enjoyable for me when I don’t have to take care of you or worry about you or clean up your puke and we can just have fun together.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I know you’re probably too drunk to get this right now, but…”

 

“No, I get it,” Gabe said quietly, sounding halfway sober. He pulled William’s head down against his chest and stroked William’s hair softly. “I get it, Guillermo.” He kissed the top of William’s head, and William’s eyes widened.

 

——

 

WILLIAM: Fine, for fuck’s sake, I have a thing for Gabe Saporta. A little bit. And I’m not a hundred percent sober, which is the only reason I’m being so open. Please don’t show him this footage. Unless by some miracle we end up together. Then we can show our kids. _(smiling, looking dreamy)_ Wow, I’m totally fucked. But like, sometimes I feel like he might actually like me too. And sometimes I feel like I’m just another body for Gabe to shamelessly flirt with. I don’t know if I’m special or not. Ugh. _(burying head in hands)_

 

——

 

Gerard collapsed on Pete’s loveseat, frowning as Frank sat down beside him. “I forgot how hard it is to be at parties, I guess,” he said sadly.

 

“You’re doing fine, don’t worry about it,” Frank said, putting an arm around Gerard’s shoulder.

 

“You and Mikey have stopped me about ten times tonight,” Gerard said, rolling his eyes.

 

“But you’re still here, and you still haven’t caved yet,” Frank said, poking him in the side and grinning. “So shut the fuck up and be proud of yourself.”

 

“But I want to. So badly.” Gerard scowled. “If I had any prowess at all I’d fight you off right now and go get a drink.”

 

“Well, too fucking bad,” Frank replied. “I may be small, but I am fierce, and I’ll claw your eyes out if you even try. So don’t.”

 

“Impressive,” Gerard said, smiling softly at Frank. Frank looked as though he was about to pass out on the spot, but Gerard changed the subject. “Where’d Mikey go?”

 

“Pete finally convinced him to go check out his hot tub or some shit,” Frank said. “He made me swear about twenty times that I would not lose sight of you even for a second and that I’d jump on top of you if you made an unexpected move.”

 

“Got it,” Gerard said with a small laugh. “I won’t move without telling you first. Wait, what if I have to pee?”

 

“I’m coming with you then,” Frank told him.

 

“Fuck,” Gerard said. “I get performance anxiety.”

 

“Oh, fuck _off_ ,” Frank said, smacking him with one of the pillows from Pete’s loveseat. “You’ll survive, you dramatic ass motherfucker.”

 

“How’d you even survive a second in the no cursing competition?” Gerard asked wryly. Frank stuck out his tongue.

 

——

 

FRANK: I’m with Gerard. Alone. And we’re having a fucking conversation. Alone. I might just die here. If I die, tell Gerard I love him. And tell Mikey it was me who accidentally flushed his name tag down the toilet. And tell Gabe that it was me who put all his work supplies in Jell-O. And tell Hayley it was me who left a fake spider in her drawer. And…

 

——

 

“And that’s why I believe that the world is hanging by a string and any wrong motion could send us plummeting through space,” Ryan finished with a confident smile.

 

Brendon looked at Ryan, then at the camera with wide, horrified eyes, and then back at Ryan. “That’s, uh. That’s a theory all right.” He smiled weakly back at him.

 

“Theories are generally less substantiated,” Ryan argued. “This, I think, has a considerable amount of evidence.”

 

“Yeah,” Brendon said, nodding. “Anyways. New topic?”

 

“The utter banality of life?” Ryan suggested.

 

“How about something more positive?” Brendon asked hopefully. “Like, like, how I fucking kissed Katy Perry, and I barely even like girls, but holy shit it was Katy Perry so I don’t even care.”

 

“I find the practice of enjoying people’s presences more simply because they’re celebrities to be quite disturbing,” Ryan said, and Brendon looked incredibly disappointed. “But it was Katy Perry, so I get it. Go get some more drinks and tell me about it.”

 

Brendon’s entire face lit up. He nodded happily and practically leaped up to go get the drinks Ryan had requested. Ryan just winked at the camera.

 

——

 

RYAN: Brendon’s not so bad. He talks a lot, yes, and our personalities are very opposite, but maybe that’s not such a bad thing. He’s… fun. An enjoyable conversationalist. And I can make him do my bidding, so that’s always a plus.

 

——

 

“How the fuck did I let you take me away from my brother?” Mikey groaned.

 

“Mikey, relax, he’s with Frank,” Pete said. “Frank’s got, like, twenty dogs. He’s used to taking care of living beings.”

 

“Are you calling my brother a dog?” Mikey asked, sounding offended.

 

“No!” Pete said, his voice leaping up a few octaves. “I just mean Frank has skills to take care of him or, uh, something. It’ll be fine. We should, um, go dance or something.”

 

“Dance,” Mikey said dubiously. “Sure.”

 

Pete rolled his eyes and grabbed Mikey’s hand, pulling Mikey onto the dance floor beside Joe, who swaying back and forth by himself with his hands in the air, and Lindsey, who was dancing with the guy from Blink-182 and looking supremely satisfied. “Don’t worry about anything else, okay? It’s just us.”

 

“Easy for you to say,” Mikey griped, but he relaxed a little bit and swayed to the rhythm with Pete. As he moved a little closer, he said, “You know, this isn’t the _worst_ party I’ve ever been to.”

 

“I’ll take that as a supreme compliment,” Pete said happily. “I’m glad you came, Mikeyway.”

 

“Yeah,” Mikey said, putting his hands on Pete’s waist.

 

——

 

Patrick sighed as his eyes fell upon Pete and Mikey, dancing rather closely, and buried his head in Dallon’s shoulder. Dallon patted the top of his head. “Honestly, ‘Rick, Pete’s a fucking idiot. You deserve better.”

 

“You’re right,” Patrick said in a deadpan tone. “Let me just call up the next guy on the _Dying to Date Patrick List_ — oh, right, there’s _no one on it_ , Dal.”

 

“You should get Grindr,” Dallon suggested. “I hear it’s how all the hip young gay men meet these days.”

 

“At least let me lick my wounds for a while before I jump right back into the dating pool,” Patrick whined.

 

“Look, dude. If you really want Pete, I think the best thing you can do right now is to find someone else,” Dallon said.

 

“I hope you know how backwards that logic sounds to me.”

 

“Make him jealous,” Dallon said. “Pete’s a super emotional guy. He sees you with someone else, he’s gonna be fucking raging, dude. It’s perfect.”

 

Patrick sat in silence for a moment. “You know, Dal, it’s not the worst plan you’ve ever come up with.”

 

“I’m a genius,” Dallon said proudly.

 

“Uh, sure,” Patrick said. “I think your HR boys are looking for you.”

 

As if on cue, Ray, Tyler, and Josh walked up. “I feel like this building violates the Fire Code in about fifty different ways,” Ray complained. “Also, none of this dancing is work appropriate. Plus I’m pretty sure Gabe just fell down the stairs.”

 

“He’s very wasted,” Tyler added solemnly. “At least he probably can’t feel the pain.”

 

Josh laughed. “I haven’t been to a party this wild since college, man.” When Tyler and Ray glared at him, he added quickly, “And it’s totally inappropriate.”

 

“I’m gonna go stop Andy from doing pull-ups on Pete’s doorframe,” Ray said, giving Dallon a quick hug. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret, man.”

 

“Will do,” Dallon said. He turned to Patrick, though, and whispered, “Josh.”

 

“Josh?” Patrick said, glancing at Josh and Tyler, who were deep in conversation. “ _Josh._ ”

 

“Not tonight, maybe, it’s a little late,” Dallon thought aloud. “Next party. Or even talk to him at work Monday. It’ll work.”

 

Patrick nodded. “Thanks, Dal.”

 

——

 

Everyone began to clear out around two AM. Ray and the rest of the HR team (along with Josh) left a little later, since they stayed to help clean up, and Pete muttered that he’d forgotten that this why he couldn’t cut the HR department. William, who’d only had a single drink around the beginning of the evening, drove Gabe home, but Gabe was a little quieter than usual. Mikey shot Pete a grateful smile as he ushered a giggly Frank and Gerard out the door. The girls all left together, comparing notes on all the hot ‘band guys’ they’d found at the party and exclaiming on how much better they were than the dorky guys they worked with. And then, finally, Pete was left alone.

 

——

 

PETE: It was a good party. I’m glad everyone ended up coming after their vehement rejection at the beginning. I got to talk to Mikey, which was… wow. Great. We danced a lot. We drank a lot. _(giggling)_ I’m still a little drunk. Don’t tell Patrick. Oh fuck, where’s Patrick? I guess he left. He didn’t say goodbye. _(pouting)_ That was rude. But yeah. I’d do it again. I _will_ do it again. No matter what Ray says. Nerd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed! This chapter was a bit more serious and we get to see them outside of work, which is fun! As you may have noticed, I'm focusing more on specific characters, so apologies if your favorite band member isn't getting a ton of attention. It would just take a lot to focus on everyone. Also, I noticed very mixed opinions on Joshler! I only asked in case people were really into it, but I think for now I'm gonna take it chapter by chapter and see if Josh and Tyler seem to naturally come together or not. Thanks so much for your input!  
> Your comments and kudos and bookmarks absolutely made my day, so please keep those up! You're all fantastic. Thank you.


	3. Twin Skeletons (Office in Jersey)

“Happy Halloween!” came the loud announcement from the doorway. A large, llama-like creature waltzed in, and everyone glanced at each other in confusion. Perhaps Pete had hired some kind of entertainer for their Halloween party, they thought, or maybe someone had gotten lost and ended up at the wrong place. The llama sighed and removed its head. “It’s Pete.”

 

“Oh,” William said, tilting his head to the side. “So, uh, why are you a llama?”

 

“It’s not a llama,” Pete said petulantly. “It’s a _monster_.”

 

“Terrifying.” Hayley snorted.

 

“Looks like something off a kids’ show,” Frank cackled. “Should I be expecting you to leave the office to star in some low-budget fucking Nickelodeon show?”

 

“Fuck off, Iero,” Pete said, scowling at his receptionist and still holding his llama hand under his arm. “Patrick said it was cool.”

 

——

 

PATRICK: Did I say that? _(scratching head)_ I don’t know, maybe I was just trying to be nice. Pete’s got some fucking weird ideas. Most of the time I just nod and tell them they’re good ideas because I don’t want to get fired. ( _smiling)_ And yes, I am Captain Hook. Without the beard, mind you. It’d take a lot of time for me to grow a beard, so. Gave that dream up. I’m smooth as a baby’s butt. Shit, did I just say that?

 

——

 

The door creaked open, and everyone stared, eager to see what the newcomer’s costume would be. Ryan Ross walked through the door, sporting his usual work outfit of a vest, bowtie, dress shirt, and dress pants, a frown on his face. Everyone groaned.

 

“Ryan?” Brendon said tentatively.

 

Ryan cut his eyes over to the newest employee of the office. “Yes, Brendon?”

 

“Um, you know what day it is, right?” Brendon said.

 

“Wednesday,” Ryan said flippantly.

 

“I meant date,” Brendon replied.

 

“The thirty-first, yes, I’m aware.”

 

“And you’re not… wearing a costume?” Josh chimed in.

 

“No,” Ryan said. “Halloween is a pointless, commercialized holiday, and I refuse to partake in such frivolous traditions. Therefore, I will be protesting the holiday by wearing my everyday clothing to work. If necessary, I can say that I am dressed up as a subjugated office worker.”

 

“…right,” Brendon said slowly. “Uh. That’s, uh, that’s great.”

 

——

 

BRENDON: Fucking terrific. Of course I start crushing on the weirdest person in the office, if not the entire city. But God, his passion for dismantling social systems kind of turns me on. _(buries head in hands)_ Is that weird? I’m a freak.

 

——

 

Mikey and Gerard emerged from the break room then, distracting everyone from Ryan’s costume, or rather lack thereof. Gerard was saying, “Mikey, there’s no fucking way you didn’t see my costume. You just can’t handle _not_ copying me in one area of my life.”

 

“Well, at least I didn’t copy your hopeless crush on —“ Mikey started.

 

Frank interrupted with a, “Hey, hey, hey, what the hell is going on here?”

 

“Mikey can’t handle the idea that we could have separate lives and he _stole_ my costume idea,” Gerard said angrily. Both of them were wearing skeleton outfits — matching shirts and pants with bones on them, along with skeleton gloves. They were, in fact, matching from head to toe.

 

“I stole your costume idea?” Mikey asked, sounding somewhat amused, but still angry. “Gerard, I ordered this costume months ago.”

 

“So did I!” Gerard exclaimed. “And I _told_ you about it.”

 

“I don’t remember this,” Mikey said smugly.

 

“How convenient,” Gerard snapped back.

 

“Why can’t there be two skeletons?” Josh asked diplomatically.

 

Gerard looked at Josh like he was crazy. “We’re not creating a fucking skeleton army, Josh.”

 

“I think a skeleton army sounds great, Josh,” Ray said supportively.

 

“Well, we don’t,” Mikey said firmly. “I think Gerard should change.”

 

“I think _Mikey_ should change,” Gerard retorted. “Considering I bought mine first.”

 

“What the fuck does that matter?” Mikey shot back.

 

Pete put his head in his hands and groaned. “This is the last time I’m hiring siblings. You hear me, Patrick?”

 

Frank sighed. “Mikey, I brought an extra mask if you want to borrow it. You could be like, a monster/skeleton hybrid. At least then you wouldn’t both be skeletons, yeah?”

 

Mikey shot Frank a withering look. “Fuck off, Frank. I’m not altering my costume because you have some dumbass crush on my brother.”

 

Eyes wide, Gerard asked, “Wait, what?”

 

“Nothing!” Frank said quickly, glaring at Mikey. “Don’t say I didn’t try.”

 

——

 

MIKEY: I’m like, 99.99% sure that Frank and Gee are crushing on each other. I’m also 99.99- wait, 100% sure that they’re both total fucking idiots and they won’t do anything about it. I’ll keep trying, though. ( _smirking_ ) Just not in ways they like.

 

——

 

Thankfully, at that moment, the door opened and Tyler slid in. His neck and hands were painted black, and he had a red toboggan on his head. Everyone just stared at him for a few seconds, and then Gabe said, “So what the fuck are you supposed to be?”

 

“ _Gabe_ ,” William said in a warning tone.

 

“As if we weren’t all thinking it,” Gabe muttered.

 

“I’m Blurryface,” Tyler said. “The violent part of my mind. I represent all that’s dark inside of me, almost like my alter ego.”

 

Gabe gave a low whistle. “That’s fucking dark, _hombre_.”

 

Josh raised his eyebrow. “Uh… are you all right, Tyler?”

 

Tyler blinked. “I’m fine. Thanks.” He walked over to the HR table and sat down. The rest of his table just stared him, almost in disbelief.

 

——

 

JOSH: Uh… Tyler’s the best, you know. I love that guy like my own brother. But sometimes it almost feels like he’s on a completely different level than the rest of us. Like all of us came as dumb stuff, you know, I’m Harry Potter, and Gabe’s a Ghostbusters character, and Andy’s a princess for some odd reason, and Brendon’s some odd version of the devil, which no one really wants to ask about. But like, none of them have any kind of deeper meaning, and then there’s Tyler, who has this whole deep metaphorical costume. It’s kind of cool, right? In its own way.

 

——

 

“Anyways,” Brendon interjected. “Does anyone know what the fuck Dallon is?”

 

Dallon rolled his eyes. “I’m a _tree_ , Brendon.”

 

“You’re dressed in a brown suit,” Brendon said. “You look more like dirt. I think you just forgot to wear a costume.”

 

“I’ve been planning this for months,” Dallon said dryly, turning back to his desk.

 

“Ryan,” Brendon said, walking over to the Accounting table. “Come with me. We’re going for a quick walk, okay, Pete?”

 

Pete furrowed his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound very productive…”

 

“Five minutes!” Brendon said, grabbing a very disgruntled looking Ryan by the sleeve and darting out the door.

 

Gabe laughed loudly. “Kid catches on quick.”

 

“Do you all go on walks like this when I’m not in the room?” Pete asked, confused.

 

“Um… no,” Jamia said, staring at her desk.

 

“Absolutely not,” Frank said. “Patrick would never let that happen.” He shot Patrick a quick wink.

 

Pete groaned. “I have the least productive office in America and it’s all my fault. Don’t you be surprised when we get shut down.”

 

“There, there,” Patrick said, patting him on the back and ushering him into his office.

 

“So… where did Brendon and Ryan get off to, actually?” William asked his HR table.

 

Rolling his eyes, Dallon said, “Probably something gay, knowing this office. I’m not too worried about it.”

 

——

 

BRENDON: Well, if Dallon’s going to be a tree, then he should be a fucking tree. Otherwise there’s no point, am I right? Ryan and I are going to get a bunch of leaves and put them all over Dallon. See how long it takes him to notice. And when he gets up, we’ll stuff them in his drawers and all his precious little files. He’ll go insane! _(grinning)_

 

RYAN: I’m normally opposed to this kind of frivolous play, but Dallon deserves to be taken down a notch or two, in my honest opinion. So I’m in.

 

BRENDON: Also because we’re besties now, Ryan and I.

 

RYAN: _(rolling eyes)_ Whatever you say, Urie.

 

——

 

Dallon screamed. It wasn’t a very impressive scream, either, more like a high-pitched squeak, which caused the entire office to stop their productivity (which, for this office, was a rarity) and stare at Dallon. He grabbed at his hair and practically screamed, “Where the fuck did all these leaves come from?”

 

“Well,” Frank said, “you said you were a tree. Maybe you’re growing leaves. You know, as trees do.”

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Dallon growled. “It’s not funny. There’s leaves all in my files. This is gonna take years to clean up. And it might ruin my files!”

 

“We’ll help you out,” Ray offered. “I’m sure our files will be okay. Leaves don’t really do much besides, like, crumble.”

 

Dallon ignored him. “Who did this?”

 

William blinked. “You mean you seriously don’t know?”

 

“How would I know?” Dallon said. “They did it while I wasn’t here, duh.”

 

William stared at the camera.

 

——

 

WILLIAM: Dal’s great, but sometimes I don’t know how anyone can be so oblivious. _(door opening)_ Oh, hey Gabe.

 

GABE: Yo, Guillermo, I just wanted to say your costume’s great. You look just like an angel. Just as… angelic, might I say.

 

WILLIAM: _(scratching the back of his neck, blushing slightly)_ Thanks, Gabey Baby. See you at the Halloween party, right?

 

GABE: _(winking)_ I’ll be looking forward to it.

 

WILLIAM: Great. _(Gabe leaving)_ Oh, so what was I saying? Right, Dallon. I don’t know how the hell he can be so oblivious to everything important.

 

——

 

Upon returning into the main office, Lindsey smacked her desk, which turned out to be an extremely effective method of getting everyone’s attention, although Ray looked slightly traumatized. “Just a reminder that our lovely annual Halloween party starts in fifteen minutes. We’ve been setting up and everything looks fantastic, might I say, so you’re all coming whether you want to or not.”

 

“I’m not going if Mikey is there,” Gerard said stubbornly.

 

“You’re going,” Lindsey said, fixing Gerard with a scathing glare.

 

“Over my dead body,” Gerard growled.

 

“This is so stupid,” Lindsey told him sharply. “So what if you two have the same fucking costume? You’re brothers. Of course you’re gonna think alike. I don’t think either of you were copying the other one, but in my opinion, it’s pretty cute. You guys can be skeleton twins. Who gives a fuck? Don’t let something as dumb as Halloween costumes ruin your stupid relationship, okay?”

 

Everyone was silent for a moment, and then Frank said, “Gee, she’s right.”

 

“I know,” Gerard said quietly. “I know. I just - I wanted to be unique, I guess. But individuality’s not that important. Not as important as my baby brother.”

 

“Shut up,” Mikey grumbled, but there was a hint of a smile pulling at the edges of his mouth. “You’re so embarrassing.”

 

Gerard hugged the younger skeleton tightly, causing everyone to cheer, and Lindsey to bark, “Everyone to the break room for the party, stat.”

 

All of the employees and Pete filed into the break room. Pete’s large costume kept causing him to bump into people, so Patrick suggested he change. Pete just rolled his eyes. “Patrick, darling, that would be letting down the entire species of monster I’m representing.”

 

“So you aren’t actually a llama?” Patrick asked dubiously.

 

“Damn it. No, Patrick, I am not.”

 

The party planning committee, which consisted of Lindsey, Joe, and William (though Joe’s suggestions mostly consisted of illegal drugs and music), put on some music and people actually started to dance. Gabe muttered something along the lines of, “If there was alcohol and I wasn’t able to get fired for my actions, this would be a pretty decent party.”

 

“I wouldn’t fire you,” Pete protested.

 

“Right, but Ray would try his damnedest to if I did any of the things I’m considering,” Gabe said casually, putting his arm around Pete. “And that’d just be a hassle, am I right, my man?”

 

“You’re fucking right,” Pete said, taking a sip of the punch. “We might not be able to get drunk, but considering how sugary this shit is, at least we can get sugar high.”

 

“Hey,” Joe protested mildly. “That’s my mom’s special recipe.”

 

Tyler spit his into the trash. Ray gagged. “Am I drinking weed?”

 

Frank giggled incredulously. “ _Drinking_ weed?”

 

“Joe has magical weed powers,” Dallon said, joining the circle.

 

“Apparently so do you,” Tyler said. “There’s a leaf in your collar.”

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Dallon said emphatically, taking the leaf out of his collar and stomping on it. “If I catch whoever’s doing this, I swear to God…” Brendon, who was still standing behind him, just giggled and made a _shh_ sign.

 

Frank rolled his eyes and walked over to Gerard. In a voice that was uncharacteristically quiet for Frank, he said, “So, uh, would you want to dance?”

 

“Uh, sure, Frankie,” Gerard said, awkwardly resting his hands on Frank’s shoulders. Frank put his hands on Gerard’s back, looking equally as awkward. Mikey, who was standing behind the pair of them, just face palmed and glanced around for someone to distract him. His eyes fell upon Pete, who was looking back at him with a small smile on his face.

 

“Wanna dance?” Mikey mouthed. In what felt like a matter of seconds, Pete was at his side, his arms loosely around Mikey. Mikey raised his eyebrow, but didn’t comment. Instead, he rested his arms lightly around Pete’s shoulders. “This whole office is full of idiots,” he griped.

 

“Hey!” Pete protested. “I hired them.”

 

“Pete, no offense, but sometimes I question your judgement,” Mikey said. Taking his head off Pete’s shoulder, he glanced over to where Gabe was pressing as closely to William as he could get without breaking code. Ray was beside them, watching with wide eyes to see if he could get Gabe in trouble. Laughing quietly, he said, “I mean, most of the time.”

 

“At least it’s always entertaining,” Pete quipped.

 

Mikey nodded. “I’ll give you that. Also, I’m very grateful that Patrick got you to take off the llama head at least. Even though it does look kind of badass.”

 

Pete grinned, leaning closer to Mikey. “Don’t tell anyone, especially not your brother, but I think you’re definitely the better skeleton.”

 

Mikey grinned back. “I’m already bony. Might as well put it to good use.”

 

“You make it work,” Pete said, staring up at Mikey with shining eyes.

 

Patrick, who had suddenly appeared beside them, cleared his throat. “I just thought I should let you know that, number one, the music has stopped, and number two, we’re gonna play pin the crow on the scarecrow. If you’re interested.”

 

“Hell yeah, I’m always down for penetrating scarecrows,” Pete said loudly, earning him more than a few concerned looks. Patrick sighed, shaking his head, but as Pete walked away, he shot Mikey a less than friendly look. Mikey groaned.

 

——

 

FRANK: Yes, I danced with Gerard. Yes, it was fucking awkward, okay? I don’t know if he’s into me or not! I don’t know what the hell to do in this situation. In the past, I’ve always had this problem with _girls_ , and it was so long ago that we told our friends who we liked and they set it up. _(pausing)_ Hm, maybe if I tell Mikey, he can ask Gerard if he likes me. Or you guys. Are you allowed to tell me if he likes me? _(pausing again)_ Holy fucking shit, I’m a middle school girl.

 

——

 

RAY: _(grinning from ear to ear)_ I won the pin the crow on the scarecrow contest! I mean, the party planning committee didn’t really think it through, because there’s no particular place on a scarecrow a crow should be, y’know? We figured out, though, that the best place is probably on its shoulder, and I got it right smack dab on the shoulder! Unfortunately we didn’t really have a prize, but we do get bragging rights, so I’m claiming that in the name of the entire HR department. Hell yeah.

 

——

 

DALLON: I never caught the leaf culprits. God. I can’t believe I’m being tortured like this in my own office. Where is safe? Maybe it wasn’t even anyone. Maybe I really am becoming a tree, and I’m birthing all these leaves. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. _(lowering his head into his hands, staring at the ground)_

 

——

 

BRENDON: _(grinning over at RYAN, beside him)_ We’re geniuses.

 

RYAN: Right.

 

BRENDON: Dallon’s gone totally and completely insane. I never thought it’d be so fucking fun to mess with someone. I think I’ve found my new hobby. And my new partner in crime.

 

RYAN: Right. Wait… what?

 

BRENDON: Don’t lie, Ryan. You totally enjoyed it.

 

RYAN: Well, I do enjoy sending my colleagues into existential crises every now and again.

 

BRENDON: That settles it, then. We’re a team. No takebacks.

 

RYAN: _(glancing at Brendon, then back at the camera)_ Well, fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm in the midst of my busy time of the year, so I wrote this up super quick! Apologies for any glaring mistakes. And yeah, this is basically useless comedy filler, but next chapter will probably be a little more eventful, so look out for that! I hope you all enjoyed nonetheless. Please leave a comment! They definitely motivate me to write faster and post more.


	4. The Best Part of Believe Is the Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete decides to hold a Battle of the Bands competition for the office. Things escalate.

Pete Wentz ducked out of the door to his office, a cunning smile on his face. The rest of the office eyed him suspiciously, knowing that smile on Pete’s face could mean nothing good. He had a paper in his hands that none of them recognized. Mikey piped up, “So are some of us getting fired?”

 

“What the fuck?” Pete asked, giving Mikey a confused look. “No.”

 

“So you’re not cutting the HR department?” Ray asked hopefully.

 

“Uh, no. Why would I be happy if… well, you’ve got a point there,” Pete conceded. “But no, no one’s getting fired or cut. I’ve tried many times to cut the HR department, but corporate insists… I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.”

 

Dallon leveled him with a glare. Gabe said, “If you cut my best friend out of this office I won’t hesitate to cut off your dick.”

 

“Inappropriate for the workplace,” Ray chastised, but he was laughing.

 

“Best friend,” Brendon said, snorting. “That’s gotta be code for, like, boyfriend or friend with benefits or…” Gabe cut him off by smacking him in the head.

 

Rolling his eyes, William told Gabe, “I appreciate you defending my virtue.” In response, Gabe grinned, sprung out of his seat, darted across the room, kissed William on the top of his head, and then casually strolled back to his seat.

 

“There’s no way they’re not dating,” Jamia muttered to herself in disbelief. The rest of the Accounting table nodded in shocked agreement.

 

“Anyways,” Josh piped up. “Since the paper doesn’t have who’s getting fired, what _does_ it have? Does it have who’s getting promoted? Raises maybe?”

  
“Raises?!” Hayley squeaked. “That’d be fantastic. I’ve been meaning to get my hair dyed again professionally, since the roots are showing through, but I just haven’t had the funds to set aside since it can be so expensive, but now I can…”

 

With a loud sigh, Pete cut her off. “No, it’s not about raises.”

 

“You got my hopes up,” Ryan muttered dejectedly. Everyone else nodded along in solemn agreement.

 

“But it’s something even better!” Pete tried, glancing at Patrick for support. Patrick, however, seemed pretty solemn himself, because he’d been pretty psyched about the prospect of a raise as well. He’d been hoping to finally have the excess cash to treat himself to his favorite band’s newest album. Ah, well. Maybe if he moved some money around, used less water or something.

 

“What could possibly be better than money?” Ryan muttered bitterly.

 

“Love?” Brendon tried. “Live music? Spending time with family? Oh, fuck no, you’re right. Nothing beats money.”

 

“I was thinking more along the lines of live music,” Pete said.

 

“Like an office concert?” Gerard said, suddenly perking up.

 

“Holy shit,” Ryan said, sounding more excited than anyone in the office had ever heard him. “Did you get The Beatles to play for us? Please tell me you got The Beatles to play for us.”

 

“…Ryan,” Patrick said slowly. “Though you’re right in that sometimes Pete can do things that are almost magical in their stupidity, he is not, in fact, actually magical. The Beatles broke up in 1970. Two of them are dead. They couldn’t perform for us even if they wanted to.”

 

“Well,” Ryan said dejectedly, all of the excitement drained from his body, “it was just a suggestion.” Brendon glared viciously at Patrick and left his seat to go pat Ryan reassuringly on the shoulder.

 

“What is actually happening,” Pete said, dramatically looking around at everyone in the office, “is an office competition. Battle of the Bands, if you will. Each of you will form a band with whatever people you want, cover or write a song, and perform it in a competition.”

 

———

 

PETE: To be really fucking candid, this is mostly part of my plot to get Patrick to sing. My boy has a soul voice but he refuses to use it and it’s so disappointing. So I figure I’ll get him to join my team, blackmail every singer in the room not to even try to join my team, and then make him sing. It’s a flawless plot, really. _(grinning)_

 

———

 

Lindsey raised her hand.

 

“Lindsey, this isn’t third grade, you can speak without raising your hand,” Andy informed her.

 

She glared back at Andy, but spoke anyway. “You didn’t tell us the most important part. What’s the prize?”

 

“Good point,” Andy acquiesced. All eyes turned on Pete Wentz.

 

Now, Pete wasn’t exactly the best at thinking things through, and everyone in the office knew it. From the time he tried to set up a dunk tank in the middle of the office to the time he accidentally ordered live scorpions for a work event, he’d proven himself entirely untrustworthy. This time proved to be no exception. “Uh…” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “To be decided.”

 

Gerard sighed. “Pete, did you even book a venue or anything for us to play at? Hell, did you even decide on a date?”

 

Pete sheepishly turned the flyer around. BATTLE OF THE OFFICE BANDS was printed in a lime green, curly font on the front inside of a massive pink heart. There was no additional information, no venue, no date, no prizes.

 

“Graphic design is my passion,” Dallon snickered.

 

Patrick sighed loudly. Grabbing Pete’s arm, he ushered both of them back into Pete’s office, saying, “Let’s hammer out some more details, okay, and then we’ll figure this out.”

 

Once they were gone, Gerard turned back to the rest of the room. “I call Mikey, Ray, and Frank.”

 

“You can’t do that!” Brendon protested.

 

Ryan sighed, patting Brendon on the back. “Well, Mikey’s Gerard’s brother, so he probably wouldn’t ditch him. Frank’s in love with Gerard, so he definitely won’t ditch him. Your only hope is Ray, and I also happen to play guitar, so I could possibly replace him in your band.”

 

“Hey!” Frank’s head snapped up. “Shut the fuck up, Ryan. That’s not true.”

 

Gabe grinned. “So you’re gonna ditch Gerard and join someone else’s band?”

 

“Well, no,” Frank said. Gabe chortled.

 

Meanwhile, Brendon was staring at Ryan adoringly. “You’ll join my band?”

 

“I said _possibly_ ,” Ryan said grumpily.

 

“Hell yes! This is gonna be fucking fantastic,” Brendon said happily. “We’re gonna be the best band ever.”

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “By the way, Gerard, you have two guitarists and no drummer.”

 

“Fuck,” Gerard said, exhaling slowly. “Uh, is anyone a drummer in this room even?”

 

“Me and Andy are the only ones, I believe,” Josh said, glancing around the room. “Uh, I think Patrick occasionally plays the drums, but I’m pretty sure Pete’s already claimed him.”

 

“I call Josh,” Tyler said, glancing around ominously at the rest of the room. Given the look of mortal seriousness on his face, no one dared to challenge him.

 

“Wait, the rules are unclear,” Frank said. “Can we get people outside of the office to join our band? Cause if so, this whole damn thing would be a ton easier.”

 

Hayley sighed and got up to rap on the door. A few seconds later, Patrick and Pete emerged, looking confident again. Patrick told the crowd, “Okay, competition is next Friday at 6 PM, we’ve reserved The Waterhole downtown and they have a stage and sound equipment available as well as a good amount of seating, and you’re welcome to invite people to watch. The prizes will be gift cards to restaurants downtown.”

 

“But can we invite people to join our bands?” Frank asked, a small smirk on his face.

 

Pete and Patrick glanced at each other, and then Patrick said, “Well, there just aren’t enough drummers here, so you’ll probably have to. We’re claiming Andy, by the way.”

 

“Doesn’t Patrick drum?” Brendon demanded. “You have two drummers?”

 

“Patrick’s gonna sing,” Pete said, grinning lazily. Everyone looked around in confusion - _Patrick could sing?_ \- but they didn’t question it. “Too bad you can’t join my band, Mikeyway, but it’d be odd to have two bassists.”

 

“We’ll kick your ass,” Mikey said, a half-smile on his face.

 

“Well, we’ve got to start planning!” Gerard said frantically. “We’ve got to line up a drummer and write a song and get inspiration from old vampire movies and come up with a theme and costumes and dye our hair and… well, _come on,_ guys!” He grabbed Frank, Ray, and Mikey from their respective tables and dragged them into the men’s bathroom.

 

Dallon laughed. “Well, I hear the acoustics are great in the men’s room.”

 

“You know,” William mused, “if you were trying to increase productivity in the office, this definitely wasn’t the way to do it.”

 

Groaning, Pete said, “I should probably think more about things before I do them, huh.”

 

“It only took you 28 years,” Patrick said, sympathetically patting him on the shoulder.

 

———

 

HAYLEY: Yeah, no, I’m ditching all the dudes in the office. Maybe I’ll ask Lindsey and Jamia to join me, but the rest of ‘em will just drag me down. I got the power voice. Good luck to the rest of them. _(giggling)_

 

———

 

PATRICK: Pete talked me into singing. I’m not really sure about this. Like, I don’t know, I don’t feel that secure in my voice, and competing against people like William who has the voice of an angel and Gerard who has this crazy unique voice and Hayley who can belt it, it’s really intimidating. And Ryro’s been raving about Brendon in his own unique way, so he’s probably good too. God. We’ll see.

 

———

 

JOE: _(sighing)_ Everyone keeps asking me to join their bands, man, but I don’t know who to choose. Probably Pete, because maybe he’ll give me a raise if I help him out with his band. It’ll be fun. I guess.

 

———

 

“You look like hell,” Frank said, setting a Starbucks cup down on Gerard’s desk.

 

“Yeah, well,” Gerard mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “I was up almost all night writing lyrics for our song. And like, I don’t know, the ideas didn’t seem that good. But thanks for the coffee, Frankie, you’re a lifesaver.”

 

“Can I see?” Frank asked eagerly.

 

Gerard glanced up at him. It was too hard to tell Frank no, almost like kicking a puppy, albeit a very feisty little puppy whose bark was much bigger than its bite. He sighed and handed over the notebook at the corner of his desk. “No judgment though, all right?”

 

“Please, when do I ever judge?” Frank asked, humming as he flipped open the notebook.

 

“Last week you laughed for ten minutes when I told you how I accidentally took a bus to Tulsa and ended up on a farm,” Gerard said grumpily.

 

“It was amusement, motherfucker, not judgment,” Frank said. He finally got to the page where Gerard had been scribbling song lyrics down and read for a few minutes in silence, chewing on his bottom lip. Once he got through the lyrics, he gave a low whistle and set down the book. “Gerard, holy shit.”

  
“What?” Gerard said, his face decorated with fear. He glanced down at his desk. “I know my thoughts are kind of weird, okay, and maybe I should have gone with something less dark, but I… I don’t know…”

 

“No.” Frank cut off Gerard’s ramblings. “No, Gee, holy shit, this is fantastic. I mean, sure, it’s a little dark, but hell if I’ve ever been scared of the dark. This is, like, a fucking lyrical masterpiece. We’re definitely gonna win.”

 

Gerard made eye contact with Frank again. His eyes were shining and a smile made its way onto his face. Blushing slightly, he said, “You really think so?”

 

“Of course,” Frank said, smiling back at him. They sat for a couple of seconds, just staring at each other and grinning stupidly, before Mikey walked up and cleared his throat.

 

“Sorry to interrupt the Gay Fest,” Mikey said dryly, “but I heard something about lyrics, and I’d love to be included in this band discussion.”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Gerard said, blinking rapidly and handing over his notebook to his brother.

 

———

 

GABE: William was supposed to be in my band.

 

 _(camera pans over, revealing WILLIAM)_ WILLIAM: _(sighing)_ Gabe, I told you. We’re both singers. Us being in the same band wouldn’t really work.

 

GABE: But I don’t have to be the lead singer.

 

WILLIAM: _(glancing over at GABE and then at the camera)_ But you always told me you wanted to be the lead singer of a band. It’s, like, your dream.

 

GABE: Well, yeah, but this is just a one night thing, right? And it’s for you. I’d do anything for you, Bilvy. Except fuck a snake.

 

WILLIAM: I’d… I’d never ask you to do that.

 

GABE: Perfect. I play bass, and I can do backing vocals too. It’ll be fantastic, Guillermo.

 

WILLIAM: Great. Uh, I already asked Sisky to play bass, but I’m sure he’d be totally fine with being our hype man from the audience. _(smiling over at Gabe)_

 

GABE: _(smiling widely back)_ Fuck, I’m so happy. _(bolting up from his chair and out of the room)_ Everyone, I’m in Bilvy’s band! We’re going to kick all your asses. Yes, even your tiny ass, Pete — please don’t fire me.

 

WILLIAM: So we’re not doing so great at convincing everyone our relationship is strictly platonic, huh? And we’re not even actually a thing. _(inhaling deeply)_ God, I’m so fucked.

 

———

 

Brendon looked up from the lyrics Ryan had handed him. “These are heavy, Ry. Is everything okay?”

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

 

“Okay, got it,” Brendon said. “So we’ve got Dallon and you recruited two of your friends; that’s a five man band. And we’ve got your beautiful, fucking masterful lyrics. We’re gonna win.”

 

“Your voice isn’t half bad,” Ryan acknowledged grumpily.

 

Dallon pushed open the door to the room, humming to himself. Almost at once, both Brendon and Ryan spun their heads around to stare at him. “You’re late,” Ryan mumbled in an accusatory manner.

 

Dallon nodded, his head tilted down. “I’m sorry, but the leaves were finally starting to fall from the trees and I just had to appreciate them the way they deserve to be appreciated.”

 

Ryan sighed. “You mean you jumped in the leaf pile and rolled around for a bit.”

 

“That’s exactly what I mean,” Dallon said, reaching around and pulling a leaf out of his collar. “Just a single leaf pile though. I had self-control.”

 

Laughing, Brendon said, “First of all, that sounds fucking fantastic. Second of all, Dallon, you’re a tree again.”

 

Dallon gasped and frantically batted at his hair, trying to knock all of the leaves out so that he would not be a tree for the second time. All this did was make Brendon laugh harder, practically rolling on the floor. Ryan did not seem so amused. “We’re running on a tight schedule here, and I wanted us to have at least somewhat of a game plan before the other two get here.”

 

“Aye, aye, captain Ross,” Brendon said, saluting Ryan. Ryan shot him a glare that could pierce through steel, and Brendon gulped. “Kidding. Uh. Let’s, uh, let’s get started, then.”

 

———

 

JOSH: People kept asking if they could join mine and Tyler’s band. They were all like, well, you only have two people. _Only_ have two people? Two people is all you need. I’m gonna slam on the drums and Ty’s gonna sing and play piano and we’ll do something different. Everyone else is gonna have the loud guitars and the obnoxious frontman and the like five people but we’re gonna be unique. Just you watch. We don’t need anyone else. Tyler agrees.

 

TYLER: Our band is a commentary on the state of humanity and the hopeless nature of younger generations.

 

JOSH: Yeah.

 

———

 

Patrick sat on the ground, his head in his hands. Frowning, Pete practically bounded across the room to sit down next to him. “Patrick,” he said, sounding worried, “what’s going on?”

 

“I don’t think I can do this,” Patrick mumbled into his knees. “I’m sorry. I really wanted this to work… for you, but…”

 

“See, there’s the problem,” Pete interrupted, touching him lightly on the shoulder. “You shouldn’t be doing this shit for me, ‘Rick. This shit’s about you. You should only be singing if it’s something you want to do, because it’s something that makes you happy or builds up your confidence, not because you want to make me happy. If you’re happy, then goddamn it, I’m happy too, you hear me?”

 

Sighing, Patrick nodded. “You’re right, Pete. I’m doing this for all the wrong reasons. But like… I want to do this, I really do. I love singing. I love music. So I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna fucking do it.”

 

“That’s my boy,” Pete said joyfully, punching Patrick in the arm and earning him a glare from his friend.

 

Joe reentered the room and grinned at the other two boys. “Yo, are we ready to slay this shit or not? Has Patrick got his shit together?”

 

“Are you high?” Patrick asked incredulously, exchanging a glance with Pete.

 

“It helps me play better,” Joe said with a shrug.

 

“Whatever,” Pete said with a disbelieving laugh. “Andy! Stop doing fucking pull-ups in the doorway and get your ass in here so we can practice the most legendary song ever.”

 

Andy finally let go of the doorway and jogged over to where the other three were. “I’ve got an idea,” he said seriously. “I think it’d make our performance even better if I played the drums shirtless.”

 

Patrick glanced at Pete, who glanced back at him, and then the two looked over at Joe, who looked like he was having a tough time keeping his giggles in. Pete said, “Whatever you want, Andy. Whatever you want.”

 

———

 

The day of the competition finally arrived. At Gerard’s urging, the band consisting of Gerard, Mikey, Frank, Ray, and a drummer that no one really knew, “My Chemical Romance” as Mikey dubbed them, was there first, even conducting a quick sound check before the rest of the bands got there. Frank giggled. “You know, Gerard, for once, your neuroticness paid off.” Gerard laughed and swatted him.

 

Next came Panic! at the Disco, made up of Brendon, Ryan, Dallon, and Ryan’s friends Spencer and Jon. They took the stage after My Chemical Romance to do a quick run-through of their song. Ryan griped, “We would’ve been here earlier, but Dallon was late.”

 

Dallon scowled. “I saw a dog on the side of the road, Ryan. If I ignored it I would’ve been a horrible person.”

 

“I would’ve ignored it,” Ryan told him.

 

“Exactly,” Dallon said, but he laughed while he said it as if to show Ryan he wasn’t entirely serious. Ryan scowled back, but Ryan’s friend Spencer put a hand on his shoulder as if to calm him. The two of them exchanged a quick glance, like they were communicating without words, and then Ryan gave a half-hearted laugh and a smile to Dallon, almost as if in apology.

 

Brendon knew he’d only just met Ryan. He knew Ryan had other friends he knew much better. Still, it didn’t stop the nagging feeling of jealousy that popped up when Ryan introduced Spencer as his best friend and when Ryan and Spencer did these silent communication things that were almost eerie. He shook his head, trying to shake the stupid thoughts, and started to sing. “The IV and…. your hospital bed…”

 

The third band to arrive was Paramore, with Hayley, Lindsey, Jamia, and Hayley’s friends Zac and Taylor. Jamia seemed less than enthused. “I was coerced into this,” she told Ryan as the two accountants sat at the table while the rest of Jamia’s band set up for their short sound check.

 

“You’ll do fine,” Ryan said reassuringly. “Just don’t, you know, throw up on stage or pass out or anything.”

 

Jamia glared at Ryan. “Not helpful.”

 

“There’s like, five of you,” Ryan pointed out. “You can just hide in the back and no one will ever notice. It’ll be fine.”

 

Crossing her arms, Jamia just raised her eyebrow at him, but she seemed slightly more placated and headed up to participate in the soundcheck with the rest of her band. During the last chorus of the song, the door burst open and William, Gabe, and four of William’s friends (Adam Siska, Andy Mrotek, Mike Carden and Michael Guy Chislett) burst in. William looked extremely unamused as he stormed up to Patrick. “Do we have time for a sound check?”

 

“If you make it quick,” Patrick replied, scribbling something down on his notepad. “You barely made it.”

 

William scowled. “Well, we would’ve made it here sooner, but Gabriel here couldn’t find his fucking purple hoodie.”

 

Looking over at William, Gabe blinked, the picture of wide-eyed innocence. “I can’t perform without it!” he protested. “It’s my good luck charm.”

 

“I can be your fucking good luck charm,” William muttered, his cheeks turning a little bit red.

 

“Aw, Bilvy, _querido,_ you are!” Gabe moved so that he was behind William and put his head on William’s shoulder, his arms looping around William’s waist. William looked as though he craved death. “It’s just, I don’t know, this purple hoodie’s been with me through a lot, you know? It’s like a safety blanket or some shit.”

 

Frank snorted. “Of course Gabe would have a safety blanket.” Gabe found a napkin on one of the vacated tables and launched it at Frank’s head.

 

William and his band took the stage. After they finished playing their song, William announced they were called The Academy Is…, and Brendon raised his hand. William sighed. “This isn’t really a Question and Answer session, Bren.”

 

“What the fuck,” Brendon said.

 

Dallon raised his hand and called out, “I have the same question.”

 

“I don’t think you pronounce the ellipses,” Mikey added.

 

“We were just going to be The Academy, but Pete said we needed to add some pizzazz,” Gabe said, punctuating his statement with jazz fingers.

 

“You should never listen to Pete,” Gerard said with a sigh. “He told me to cut off my hair and dye it white.”

 

“He told me to skinny dip in a fountain,” Lindsey said, wrinkling up her nose.

 

“He told me to get a tattoo of his face,” Gabe said. “I did it. Fuck.”

 

“He told me to smoke pot,” Frank added. “Oh wait, that might have been Joe.”

 

“Speaking of the devil himself,” Ryan said, “where is he?”

 

“I told him to get here early,” Patrick said. “Should’ve known that meant late, by Pete time. And Joe and Andy aren’t here either.”

 

“Joe’s here,” Jon from Panic! at the Disco chimed in. “He’s out back, smoking. I may have joined him for a few minutes.”

 

“Andy is also here,” Andy said, walking through the doors.

 

Patrick blinked. “Uh, why are you covered in sweat?”

 

“I ran ten miles,” Andy answered, pulling off his shirt. “All right, let’s do this.”

 

“Pete’s still not here,” Patrick griped. Andy sighed and sat down, practicing drumming on the table in front of him, much to the annoyance of everyone around him. Thankfully, Pete walked in just two minutes later.

 

“I’m late, aren’t I?” he said. “Fuck, I set an alarm so I wouldn’t be late, but then I accidentally snoozed it, and on the way here I almost hit a squirrel so I had to make sure it was okay, and then some douchebag tried to fight me, and then I dropped by Walmart for some extra eyeliner, and then I stopped at McDonalds for chicken nuggets. In retrospect, nuggets may have been unnecessary.”

 

“The nuggets were unnecessary,” Ryan snorted. Jamia stifled a giggle behind her hand.

 

“Want a nugget?” Pete asked Patrick, who looked like he very much wanted to kill Pete.

 

“Look, Pat,” Gabe said, strolling up to Patrick and placing a hand on his shoulder, “I get why you’re pissed, but it doesn’t matter if you get to practice anyways, because The Academy Is… is gonna kick everyone’s ass.”

 

“Fuck no,” Frank said, standing up and glaring at Gabe, though it didn’t really do much because Frank was a significant amount shorter than Gabe. “My Chemical Romance is the most badass band out there.”

 

“But consider this: Paramore is better than all of you,” Hayley said, huffing.

 

“None of you would know real music if it slapped you in the face,” Ryan informed them. “Therefore, none of you can compete with the musical geniuses in Panic! at the Disco.”

 

“Too bad Fall Out Boy’s going to win because my boy Patrick has the voice of an angel,” Pete said, glaring at all of them.

 

“Fall Out Boy? More like Fail Out Boy,” Mikey snorted. Almost everyone else laughed, everyone except Pete, who gave Mikey a wounded look.

 

“My Chemical Romance sounds like something whiny teens listen to while their makeup runs down their face,” Pete shot back.

 

“So you?” Mikey said, scowling.

 

“At least I don’t straighten my fucking hair,” Pete said.

 

“Anymore,” Gerard coughed out. Everyone giggled and Pete’s face went beet red.

 

“Fuck you guys,” Pete said, looking as though he very much wanted to punch someone. Joe, who had finally come inside, and Patrick exchanged a worried glance. “You’ll all regret this when Fall Out Boy wins.”

 

“Not happening,” William said firmly.

 

“Dang, this competition heated up a ton faster than I thought it would,” Josh said, entering the room with his arm around Tyler. “Ty and I don’t need a sound check, by the way. We’re a hundred percent ready.”

 

Everyone looked around skeptically, but people aside from performers were starting to file in. The performers retreated to different tables with their bands, but everyone was incredibly angry and kept shooting glares at the other bands.

 

———

 

PETE: Fuck Mikey. I’m not fucking emo. _(pause)_ Okay, well, maybe I am, a little. But he shouldn’t be pointing it out! And we’re going to kick their little skinny white asses. God, I’m so pissed.

 

———

 

GABE: Look here. Everyone else has one amazing singer, Academy has _two_. And Academy has me. And Academy has William. And we’re both fucking gorgeous. I mean, the rest of them aren’t bad either. So overall we’re fucking gorgeous and we’ve got two great voices and talent pouring out our asses. So no one can compete. And I will fight anyone who says otherwise.

 

———

 

BRENDON: No, Panic! at the Disco isn’t available for comment. We’re rehearsing. Yes, we’re rehearsing without instruments at our table. Does it matter?

 

———

 

ANDY: These people are ridiculous. _(grinning)_ I’ve got a plan.

 

———

 

Josh and Tyler volunteered to open the show. They took the stage, Tyler heading for the keyboard and Josh for the drums, and they started up. Tyler’s voice was soothing, as one might expect, and the song flowed very well. And then Tyler started rapping.

 

“I’ve got a migraine and my pain will rage from up down and sideways,” he rapped, a small smile tucked away on his face. “Thank God it’s Friday, cause…”

 

Gabe crammed his elbow into William’s ribs. “Holy shit, white boy can rap,” he whispered reverently into his best friend’s ear.

 

“It’s super unique, I’ll give them that,” William replied. “But we can do better, I think.”

 

Josh and Tyler’s song finished and they left the stage to a large amount of applause. Next up was My Chemical Romance, playing an original song Gerard announced as _Skylines and Turnstiles._ He talked for a minute about his inspirations for the song and a good amount of the audience had tears in their eyes by the time he finished talking and started singing the song.

 

His voice was haunting but also incredibly good, as were the rest of their band on their various instruments. The audience seemed a little concerned about Frank, though, who kept jumping around, running around the stage, and running into Gerard. Instead of looking angry, though, Gerard would just grin and run his fingers through Frank’s hair.

 

“They’re bringing gay into it,” Gabe whispered loudly to William, earning a glare from everyone else around him. “We’ve gotta do that too.”

 

Brendon seemed to have the same idea as My Chemical Romance finished off the song with Frank placing a loud kiss on Gerard’s cheek. He grinned wickedly at Ryan, who looked fairly concerned.

 

Panic! at the Disco was next, though, so Ryan did not have a chance to protest or run away from Brendon. He was dragged onto the stage and they started their song, _Camisado._ During the bridge, he bounded over to Ryan and leaned in like he was going to kiss him, then pushed him away at the very last second. Ryan faltered for a second, breaking the rhythm of their song, but quickly got back on track. From next to him on the drums, Spencer shot him a suggestive look, but Ryan just blew him off and continued playing.

 

“They’re good,” Gerard said, looking at the rest of his bands. “Little Brendon’s got some fucking pipes. His range is fantastic. But we’ll still win.”

 

“Let’s hope so,” Ray said. “If not, Frankie here’s dug himself into a bit of a hole.”

 

Frank threw a spoon at Ray.

 

Next was Paramore. Hayley introduced the song by saying that it was directed towards everyone else in the office with a sly smile. During the chorus, she pointed at each person in the audience while she sang the line “ _Ignorance is your new best friend”_. Everyone rolled their eyes, but secretly they all thought that her voice was pretty damn fantastic. Jamia, much to her credit, did not faint or vomit, and in fact played rather well for a first-timer. They exited the stage to raucous applause.

 

Next came The Academy Is…. Gabe and William pretty much bounded onto the stage, exchanging sweet smiles as William started singing. “My life reads like the classifieds…”

 

“It’s gonna take a lot for them to out-gay us,” Brendon said, leaning in close to his band.

 

“They could have sex on stage,” Ryan suggested.

 

“I think that’s an entirely different sort of show,” Spencer said with a chuckle.

 

“I’d pay for that,” Brendon told him. Ryan rolled his eyes, but a small smile tugged at the edges of his lips.

 

“Back down, cash out, that’s the city for ya,” William sang. Gabe practically invaded his personal space, arms wrapping around William’s waist.

 

Frank snorted. “Amateurs.”

 

Gabe proceeded to lean in and kiss William quickly on the lips. William broke away and glanced down for a second, the kiss clearly having thrown him off. He glanced at Gabe with questioning eyes, but Gabe just grinned and signaled for him to keep singing. With a confused expression, he continued on.

 

“Now that I can respect,” Frank said.

 

“You know, I never thought my respectable band competition would turn into a gay-off,” Pete huffed, putting his head in his hands. “But with you people, I should’ve known.”

 

Spencer looked quizzically at Ryan and Brendon. “You said they weren’t dating.”

 

“They aren’t,” Brendon said, scowling. “Damn it, Ryan, we’ve been out-gayed.”

 

Ryan narrowed his eyes at Brendon. “We’re _not_ having sex on stage.”

 

———

 

WILLIAM: Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Did you guys see that? Well I guess you’d have had to, right, but like, Gabe just kissed me. And fuck, I know that it was just for the cameras, but it was fantastic. Do you think he likes me back? I know, I know, I sound like a middle schooler all over again. It’s just… wow. Tonight. Pete Wentz finally did something right.

 

———

 

FRANK: We’re still gonna fucking win, right? They can’t just give the award to Gabe and William for being gay. They do that every fucking day. It’s like giving the award to Joe for being high or Andy for working out or Hayley for dyeing her hair. I’d be way more shocked if Gabe kissed a girl at this point.

 

———

 

Finally, Fall Out Boy took the stage. Or, well, three-fourths of Fall Out Boy took the stage.

 

Pete paused. “Uh, where the fuck is Andy?”

 

“He’s still in the audience,” Joe said, pointing his guitar to where Andy was seated in the audience, a suspicious bag at his feet.

 

“Andy. Earth to Andy,” Patrick said into the mic. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re kind of performing right now.”

 

“Oh, I know,” Andy said. “I dropped out of the band. Sorry. Forgot to tell you.”

 

“You _what?”_ Pete bellowed, glancing bewilderedly at Patrick and then back at Andy. “You dropped out? We don’t have a drummer!”

 

“You’ll be okay,” Andy said flippantly.

 

“Our songs require a drummer, Andy!” Pete yelled.

 

“Everyone got way too intense about this competition shit,” Andy told them, eyes serious. “I just wanted to do my own thing, man. So I made a one-man band to join the competition. I’m going next.”

 

Sighing, Patrick looked at the other two members of his band, who were very clearly not happy. He shook his head and said, “Let’s just do this, okay?”

 

“Fine,” Pete snapped. “But we’re not gonna fucking win.”

 

They did not. Without their drummer, they were off in a lot of their songs, and the songs they did play just didn’t have the same punch that they used to. Without such an essential member of the band, everything went topsy-turvy - and no amount of smoldering stares from Pete or cute grins from Patrick could resurrect their band.

 

Pete flipped Andy the bird as the other man walked up to the stage. Once Andy got there, he sat down on a stool and whipped out three white balls from his coat pocket. “Look,” he said. “I know this is a band competition, but I think it’s just gotten too fucking intense. You all need to chill out and relax and watch something fun, like me juggling balls. So that’s what my act is going to be.”

 

“I don’t know whether to say that’s what he said or be pissed,” Pete said mournfully, slumping down in his chair.

 

Andy proceeded to do just what he had said. For a total of three minutes, he sat on stage silently and juggled the three white balls. He didn’t mess up, to his credit, but he also did not play music or talk or do anything else even remotely interesting. Gabe somehow managed to fall asleep for two and a half out of the three minutes.

 

Once he finished, the three judges Pete had hired - Vicky, Ryland, and Nate - all stood up and started clapping. “Simply masterful,” Ryland said, tossing his napkin at the stage in lieu of a flower. “True art.”

 

“I think we have a clear winner,” Vicky said.

 

Everyone from every band practically froze. All their heads slowly turned to look at Vicky. “You think we have a _what_?” Hayley said through gritted teeth.

 

“A clear winner,” Vicky replied confidently. “Don’t get me wrong, you guys were all great, but come on, none of you could compete with that.”

 

“He didn’t even play music!” Brendon screeched. “It was a Battle of the Bands!”

 

“He made an artistic statement,” Nate replied defensively. “We’re all in agreement that he deserves to win.”

 

All the band members just glared at them in response. Vicky chuckled nervously and elbowed Ryland in the ribs. “I, um, we have that appointment in a few minutes we really need to get to, right?”

 

“Completely,” Ryland replied. “Uh, that really important doctor’s appointment, and we need Nate too, so we’d better… go!”

 

The three judges took off running, and Brendon, Pete, Gabe, Josh, and Hayley were hot on their heels. The rest of the band members just hung back, venomous expressions still present on their face, but they simply just didn’t have the same fever to murder the judges that the people chasing the judges did.

 

“You know,” Frank remarked to the circle of the other musicians, “I’m gonna be kind of glad when this is all over and we can all get back to the normal work stuff.”

 

“Me too,” Gerard agreed. “Though normal?”

 

“Normal for us,” Frank amended.

 

It was silent for a few seconds as people nodded in agreement, and then William broke it by saying, “So, uh, would you believe me if I said I’m not gay for Gabe?”

 

Mikey Way placed his hand on William’s shoulder. “Bill,” Mikey said seriously, “everyone’s a little bit gay for Gabe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this. I really don't know. It's 3:30 AM, and I just finished writing this, and none of it even makes sense to me, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. It's pretty long too. Next chapter will probably be more normal and in-character and non-cringy. 
> 
> Thanks so much to Toxicbirthdaycake for your comment and inspiring me to write this chapter :) Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed. I honestly will write much faster if you do so. Trust me.


	5. Don't Blame the Office, It's Pete's Fault

 

A bag of chips flew threw the air. Twirling around a few times, it finally landed smack-dab in the middle of Brendon Urie’s forehead and then fell onto the desk in front of him. Brendon sighed. “Okay, that’s a point for Gabe.”

 

“Hell yeah!” Gabe exclaimed, high-fiving William, who had pulled his chair over from the HR table - much to Ray’s annoyance. William blushed a little bit, but pushed his long brown hair in front of his face to disguise it a little better.

 

“It’s not fair,” Josh complained. “Gabe’s got the world’s biggest hands.”

 

“In what world is that an advantage?” William rolled his eyes at Josh.

 

“It means he’s got more finger control,” Josh justified.

 

“I… I don’t think that’s a thing,” Lindsey said, giving Josh a confused stare. “But, hey, it’s my turn.” She grinned wickedly at Brendon, tossing a balled-up piece of paper from her desk.

 

Ryan gave Mikey a look from across the table. “I hope that wasn’t important.”

 

“Knowing Sales, it’s probably a necessary receipt that’s gonna make our lives fifty times harder without,” Mikey said dryly. Ryan nodded in acknowledgment, though he didn’t look too happy about it either.

 

The ball hit Brendon square in the forehead. Lindsey leapt out of her seat in glee. “Hell yeah, bitches, beat that!” she yelled.

 

Of course, Pete took that exact moment to emerge from his office. He stared at Lindsey, who was jumping around and yelling, then at Brendon, whose forehead was red, then at William, who was beside Gabe and leaning into his side, then at the pile of crumpled-up papers and chip bags and other pieces of trash at Brendon’s feet. Everyone could practically see the vein popping out of Pete’s forehead. In a level voice, Pete said, “What the fuck is going on here?”

 

“Well,” Gabe said just as calmly, “we were having a competition to see who could hit Brendon’s huge ass forehead the highest number of times with various workplace things. I was winning, for the record.”

 

“Big hands,” Josh muttered through coughs.

 

Pete just stood there and stared at them. To his credit, he did not explode. Instead, he said, “Any other time, _any_ other time, I probably would’ve thought this was fucking hilarious. But today? I just got a call from the corporate office complaining that we’re way under quota. Like, far behind the rest of the offices. And if we don’t get our shit together, we’re gonna get shut down. Is that what you want?”

 

For once, the office was silent. In particular, the Sales team looked pretty ashamed. Brendon put his head in his hands.

 

Pete stared for another second, and then continued. “I’ve been thinking for the past little bit, and I have an idea. I’m not going to fire anyone yet. But I was thinking of adding a little extra motivation. Let’s say I’ll be giving out a little extra money, a bonus if you will, to whoever from the Sales team sells the most by the end of the week. Sound fair?”

 

The Sales team nodded eagerly. The Accounting team, however, did not look half as pleased. “That’s not fair,” Ryan said. “We work twice as hard, and we never get bonuses.”

 

“We’ll discuss bonuses for you money-handling people too, don’t worry,” Pete said, walking over to the Accounting table and patting Ryan on the head. Ryan looked as though he wanted to cut Pete’s hand off, which made Joe chortle.

 

“And the HR department?” Ray piped up.

 

“Ray,” Pete said patiently, “One of your HR boys is sitting at the Sales table, one’s coloring in a coloring book in only red and black, one’s got his head stuck out the window, and then there’s you.”

 

“There’s not a lot to do,” Ray said defensively.

 

Dallon pulled his head back inside and shut the window. “It’s nice weather,” he offered to the rest of the room.

 

Pete just crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Ray, who leaned back in his chair and sighed. From the receptionist’s desk, Frank said, “So, I’m guessing a raise for your favorite receptionist is out of the question?”

 

“Yep,” Pete said.

 

Frank sighed. “Fuck.”

 

“I’d give you a raise if I could, Frankie,” Gerard offered, beaming over at Frank, who went a little bit red and glanced at the ground.

 

“Gay,” Gabe announced.

 

“Stop talking about yourself and William, fuckhead,” Frank shot back, glaring at Gabe. Gabe didn’t look too embarrassed, but William ducked his head into Gabe’s shoulder, which just made everyone snicker even more.

 

“Enough with the harassment and PDA. Get to work, Sales, if you want that bonus,” Pete commanded. “And Bill, get back to the HR table. Ray, find something for them to do before Dallon falls out the window.”

 

———

 

GABE: Look, I need the cash. I promised Bill I’d take him to see that new nerdy-ass Star Wars movie that’s coming out next week, and for some reason, movies are really fucking expensive these days. So I’ve got a strategy. Believe me, Gabey Baby can do whatever he puts his mind to. _(suggestive wink)_

 

———

 

“Hello, _mamacita_ ,” Gabe practically purred when he picked up the phone. “Yes, _sí_ , you have reached Santi Silverware Company. Would you like to choose us as your primary silverware provider? Oh, yes, we would enjoy that very, very much. Ah, you have a beautiful, beautiful voice as well. Can’t wait to see you at pickup. _Adios_.”

 

Hayley stared at him as he put down the phone. “He even makes Santi sound sexy,” she breathed reverently to herself.

 

Lindsey, however, was not as amused. “Is that not sexual harassment?”

 

“Yeah,” Josh agreed. “I didn’t know you could flirt with the customers to get them to buy our silverware. I feel like it’s pretty unethical.”

 

“I wasn’t flirting,” Gabe protested. “It’s just how I naturally talk, you know?” To prove his point, he shot the rest of his table a quick wink and a sultry smile.

 

“Maybe if you were a porn star,” Andy muttered.

 

“Okay, okay,” Gabe relented. “Maybe I’m laying it on a little thicker than usual. But I’ve got to use all my assets, yeah?” He snorted. “ _Ass_ -ets.”

 

Frank raised his eyebrows from the table beside theirs. “Gabe, you’re literally five years old.”

 

“Besides, what about William?” Hayley chimed in.

 

Gabe just stared at her. “What _about_ William?”

 

Hayley motioned over to where William was glaring pointedly at Gabe and his phone. Once Gabe spotted William looking, though, William immediately turned away, pretending he was in a deep conversation with an obviously confused Dallon.

 

“Well, if Gabe’s gonna do this unethically, then so am I,” Lindsey huffed.

 

“Same,” Andy said. Everyone at the Sales table just stared at him.

 

———

 

ANDY: I’ve got a devious plot. You see, I work out a lot, right? So I’ve got muscles. And people like muscles, which means that they’ll buy more silverware from me. So I’m going to take calls with my shirt off. It’ll work.

 

———

 

After lunch, once the Sales team had settled back into their desks, Andy pulled his shirt off. The Sales team just stared at him. Gerard just said, “Look, Andy, I don’t mean to be rude, but what the fuck is going on?”

 

Andy pointedly ignored Gerard and picked up the phone, punching in the number of his next client. Once they answered, he said, “Hi there! I’m just calling to find out about your silverware needs for your restaurant. Are they lasting a while? Are they easy to clean? They are? Well, that’s great, but might I suggest a cheaper alternative… wait, don’t hang up, check out my muscles! I work out a ton!” He paused for a second, and everyone assumed that the client had hung up. They were proven right when he slammed the phone down and angrily muttered, “Well, fuck you too.”

 

“Andy,” Josh said slowly, looking over at his co-worker, “uh, your muscles are pretty great and everything, believe me, but you do realize that the customer can’t see them over the phone?”

 

Andy stared at the phone for a second, then back at his computer, then at the phone again. He slowly nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. That must be why it didn’t work.”

 

“Yeah,” Hayley said, trying to suppress her laughter. “Yeah, _that’s_ why.”

 

“Maybe I should use Skype,” Andy mused. “Skype has a webcam thing.”

 

“Andy, if you use Skype and call clients with your shirt off, I’m pretty sure they’re going to think you’re offering a very different kind of service,” Brendon said, snickering.

 

“I’d pay for that,” Gabe snorted. William glared at him again, and Ray placed a hand on his shoulder in concern and comfort.

 

“Fine,” Andy said, sounding annoyed. He sat for a second, his head in one hand, and then suddenly snapped his fingers. “What if I just offer them CrossFit tips?”

 

The Sales team glanced around at each other, and then, almost in unison, they all shrugged. “Yeah, that could work,” Gerard said.

 

“It’s better than selling it with your body,” Mikey chimed in.

 

“Okay,” Andy said, picking up the phone again. “Hi there! I’m just calling to find out about your silverware needs for your restaurant. Are they lasting a while? Are they easy to clean? Well, that’s great, but here at Santi Silverware Company we have a cheap option that that’s easy to clean, lasts for years, and if you purchase our silverware, I’ll even throw in a few CrossFit tips! How does that sound?”

 

Brendon hid his laughter in his elbow.

 

———

 

LINDSEY: Hey, if Gabe and Andy can use their dumbass, highly unethical ways to sell silverware, then I can use my own. _(glances around to see if anyone’s listening)_ So one of my ex-boyfriends runs an extremely successful restaurant. If I could get him to buy our silverware, I’d be boosting my sales A TON. And I just so happen to have some information about him that could ruin his current relationship. May as well use it, huh? I mean, it’s not like he’s not getting a good deal and some quality silverware out of it… right. _(snorts)_ Really, I’d feel worse if he wasn’t a complete asshole who cheated on me with multiple women. Might as well get something out of that failure of a relationship. And no, if he refuses, I won’t actually leak the info. What kind of person do you think I am?!

 

———

 

“How the fuck did you sign Jamie Goldman?” Gerard said to Lindsey in the break room as they were both grabbing food from the vending machine.

 

“Talent,” Lindsey said flippantly. “I just told him about the benefits of Santi versus other silverware companies. Really, it wasn’t all that difficult. Once he figured out how much money he would save, he signed immediately.”

 

Gerard’s forehead creased. “I’ve been telling him all that shit for years.”

 

“Some dudes only listen to women,” Lindsey said with a shrug. “Maybe my womanly wiles influenced him or what the fuck ever.”

 

“Yeah, true.” Gerard nodded. “Dudes are idiots sometimes, huh.”

 

“Damn right. How’re your sales going?” Lindsey asked.

 

“I’m just doing my normal thing,” Gerard said with a shrug. “It’d be great to get some more money, but you know, in the end, it’s just material things. I’d rather someone who needs it get the money. I’m rooting for you guys.”

 

Lindsey just grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “You’re a good guy, Gerard Way.” She grabbed her soda and exited, and Frank Iero entered.

 

He groaned. “Please tell me you’re not going to ask me for strategies. Or ask me to get you additional client’s numbers. Or ask me to somehow fuck around with the numbers so that you can win. Because, trust me, I cannot do any of that.”

 

“Sounds like you’re having a rough day,” Gerard commented, taking his bag of chips out of the vending machine.

 

“You’re goddamn right I am,” Frank said. “I’m about to kill Pete for even suggesting this fucking dumbass contest. And I don’t even get anything out of it!”

“I’ll kick his ass for you?” Gerard offered.

 

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Frank replied. “If you did that, you’d just get fired, and I’d have no comfort in this wasteland of an office.”

 

Gerard smiled at that. “Fine, fine, I’ll stick around, but just for you. Now I gotta get back to work, yeah? I may not be trying to win, but I don’t want to get fired either.”

 

“I’m rooting for you,” Frank informed him as he left.

 

———

 

BRENDON: What’s my strategy? I don’t even need a strategy, are you kidding? I’m Brendon fucking Urie. _(laughing)_ I’m kidding, I’m kidding. My strategy is my motherfucking charm. I’ve got charm oozing out my ass. _(leaning closer, whispering)_ Don’t tell Ryan I said that, okay.

 

———

 

“Hey, Ryan,” Brendon said, approaching the Accounting table. All four of the accountants turned around to give him similar, none-too-welcoming stares. He gulped. “Uh, would you mind helping me out with something?”

 

“Depends on what it is,” Ryan said, folding his arms across his chest.

 

“Um, well, I’m still kind of new to the whole salesman gig, so I don’t think I’m really great at it, and I was, uh, hoping you could help me practice,” Brendon muttered, wringing his hands and not making eye contact with Ryan.

 

“…sure,” Ryan said slowly. “But, uh, why me? You’ve got a whole group of people over there at the Sales table that know a hell of a lot more than me.”

 

“I can think of a couple of reasons why,” Jamia muttered. Brendon glared at her.

 

“I just, I don’t know, you’ve been here a while and they’re all busy trying to get more clients than me, I don’t think they’d want to help me out,” Brendon rambled on.

 

“O…kay,” Ryan said slowly. “Let’s go then.” He stood up from his desk, shooting the other three a _look_ that said something along the lines of _never mention this again._

 

Jamia snorted. “Is that what Brendon calls charm oozing out his ass?”

 

“I’ve got more charm in my pinky toe,” Joe muttered.

 

———

 

RYAN: Uh, Brendon’s little spiel to try to get new clients left a lot to be desired. First of all, he called Santi Silverware Company “Saint Sillyware Country” or something. Second of all, when I asked him what kind of silverware they sell, he said we only sell sporks. Third of all, he offered to give me his entire inventory for free. I’m hoping it was just because it was me and he doesn’t do this with every customer. _(laughing in disbelief)_

 

———

 

HAYLEY: Look, I need money. I want to get my hair dyed again. Orange is getting old as hell. But the problem is, I don’t think I can compete. These people have got, like, legitimate strategies. I don’t have really anything. So I’m just gonna give up and do my usual thing. Which, sorry Pete, isn’t really incredibly productive. He can fight me. We’re about the same size. _(giggling)_

 

———

 

“Please hold,” Josh said to the phone in his left hand. He turned his head a little bit to the right and, to the phone in his right hand, he said, “Okay, can I get your payment information? Yes, yes, and how many exactly would you like?” He turned his head back to the left. “No, not you! You’re still on hold! …no, please don’t hang up!”

 

Gerard just stared at him from across the table. “Josh…”

 

Josh sighed as he took down the order information from his right phone client. He hung up the phone and stared at Gerard. “Do you have a comment?”

 

“Two phones at once?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“I need some kind of an edge,” Josh complained. “Gabe’s been speaking sultry Spanish all week, Lindsey somehow got that huge client, Hayley doesn’t care, Andy’s been selling fitness tips, and Brendon… well, he’s cute, so people like him. I’ve gotta do _something_.”

 

“Not sure two phones is the way to go,” Gerard told him.

 

“Seconded,” Tyler said, stopping by the Sales desks on the way to the men’s room. “You don’t need any cheap gimmicks, Josh, trust me. Just be yourself.”

 

Gerard gave Tyler a weird stare; it was the most he’d ever heard the HR boy talk at once, really. Josh just grinned back and said, “Thanks, Ty, but we’ll see. I’m just running low on time, I guess.”

 

“Stop talking to me then, and get back to work,” Tyler answered, giving Josh a quick salute before he headed off to the bathroom. From anyone else, it might have seemed a little rude, but from Tyler Josh knew it was just well wishes in his own way.

 

Gerard sighed. “He’s got the right idea,” Gerard said, and picked up the phone.

 

Josh did the same. Only one phone this time, though.

 

———

 

At the end of the week, Pete pulled the entirety of the sales team into his office, which ended up being a tight squeeze. They weren’t really sure why Pete chose his office and not the Meeting Room, which had a decent number of chairs and a table, but they were all too worried about getting the bonus to risk messing it up by questioning Pete.

 

“You all have done a fantastic job this week - well, most of you,” Pete amended, giving Hayley a slightly suspicious look. Hayley just examined her nails and ignored him. He continued, “We beat most of the other offices in terms of our weekly sales, which is amazing. I hope we can keep up this record. As long as the shit you did to get here wasn’t that questionable, at least.”

 

“Fantastic,” Gabe said. “Now can we get to who won the fucking cash?”

 

Pete rolled his eyes. “Keep your panties on, Saporta.” He grabbed an envelope off of his desk. “The Accounting team put the winner’s name in this envelopes, like the Oscars or some shit.”

 

“Extra,” Lindsey coughed. Hayley giggled.

 

Pete ignored them and pulled the name slip out of the envelope. Unfurling it, he read, “Uh, so the winner is… Gerard Way.”

 

Everyone’s heads immediately whipped towards Gerard, who laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “He wasn’t even trying!” Brendon exclaimed.

 

“Well, I did my best, but I do my best every week,” Gerard explained.

 

“He’s always been our top seller,” Pete said, looking confused. “I thought you all knew this.”

 

“I demand a recount!” Lindsey said, darting out of the room. Brendon and Gabe followed, chanting something along the lines of _SSC is unfair! The Accounting Department is in there!_

 

Andy just sighed and sat down on the desk. “Well, I tried my best, and I guess that’s all I can do.”

 

“Yeah,” Gerard said encouragingly, patting Andy on the shoulder.

 

“Fuck off,” Andy said, getting up off the desk. “I’m gonna go talk to Trohman. Sometimes when he’s high he has surprisingly good life advice.”

 

Gerard sighed and left the room, feeling surprisingly guilty. He hadn’t even meant to win, but sometimes life had its own way of surprising him. He’d probably donate the money. That, or buy some of those expensive ass markers he’d been eyeing for a while. He sat back down at his desk.

 

Beside him, William was practically sitting on Gabe’s lap. “I’m sorry, _Guillermo_ ,” Gabe said, running his hand through his best friend’s hair. “I wanted that bonus so bad. I wanted to get you tickets to see that new Star Wars movie.”

 

“You were doing that for me?” William asked, tilting around to glance at Gabe with a surprised expression.

 

“Doing what?” Gabe asked.

 

“Flirting with people on the phone,” William said.

 

“Oh, well, yeah,” Gabe said. “It’s not a big deal.”

 

William just stared at him for a second. He then said, “Well, we aren’t dating or anything, so no reason you should have to pay for me,” and then removed himself from Gabe’s lap, heading back to the HR table. Gabe just stared after him, completely confused.

 

Pete bounded back into the room, seeming happier now that they weren’t in danger of being closed down. “Back to work,” he bellowed. “We’ll do another competition next week, yeah?”

 

The entire Sales department just stared at him. He sighed. “You assholes are no fucking fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of sucks, but I think you can tell who the first couple to get together in this story will be ;) The next chapter is gonna be very interesting, lemme tell you. (Also, the actions of people in this story in no way represent who I think they are in real life! I love everyone in this story an unhealthy amount. Seriously.)  
> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND COMMENTS. They got me to update super quickly! Keep it up and I'll keep updating quickly. Thank you all so much.


	6. We Are The Same Office (All Of Us)

There were many things Gabe Saporta was known for in the office. These things included being loud and obnoxious, taking part in pranks with the likes of Brendon, Ryan (when Brendon dragged him), William (when Gabe dragged him), and Frank, flirting up a storm (usually with William, occasionally with clients, a few times with Pete, a couple of times with various others in the office, and once he grinded on Mikey), and speaking odd-sounding Spanish. These things did not include what he was currently doing, which was sitting at his desk with his head in his hands, gloomily staring downwards.

 

Gerard and Mikey glanced at each other curiously as they stepped through the doorway. “Gabe?” Gerard asked curiously, feeling almost intrusive in a way. “Is everything all right?”

 

Gabe glanced up at him, but not in his usual overly energetic way. He was usually like a greatly oversized puppy. Now he was more like if Eeyore and a giraffe had offspring. He said, “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

 

Neither Mikey nor Gerard was convinced, but they nodded anyways, deciding William was more likely to get it out of him. Or Pete - the little manager could be very convincing when he wanted to. He showed up just a few seconds later, almost as if he’d been summoned. "Something's not right here," he said, wrinkling his nose up as if he'd smelled something bad.

 

Mikey walked up to him and whispered, "Gabe's acting odd."

 

"That's an every day occurrence," Pete replied, not looking too concerned, but once he spotted Gabe with his head on his desk his concern level seemed to increase exponentially. He sighed, patting Mikey on the shoulder in thanks, and then walked up to Gabe. Behind them, the rest of the office that weren't so keen on showing up super early were filing in the doors.

 

"Is something going on?" Pete asked Gabe quietly.

 

Groaning, Gabe said, "Nothing's going on, all right? I'm just... mentally preparing myself."

 

"Mentally preparing yourself?" Pete said dubiously. Gabe did not often mentally prepare himself for, well, anything. It was one of his fatal flaws. "For what?"

 

"I just can't talk about it right now, okay? You'll find out eventually. Just give me a bit, I'll get over myself and be a big boy," Gabe said, but he gave Pete a little Gabe smile that told him he wasn't really angry or anything.

 

———

 

PETE: Gabe's mentally preparing himself? This has gotta be good. (snickering) He definitely hadn't mentally prepared himself the time he told the lady at corporate that she had "nice assets" while eyeing her boobs, or the time he accidentally yelled across the office about the rash that I had told him about in private, or the time that he said Gerard smelled bad right to Gerard's face. I wish he'd mentally prepared himself then. But yeah, this has got to be something serious if Gabe's mentally preparing himself, ya know?

 

———

 

"Why's Gabe acting weird?" Ray hissed to William.

 

William gave him a trademark William glare. "Ray, how the fuck should I know? Am I Gabe's keeper?"

 

"You're his best friend," Ray pointed out, which was a good point. "Don't be an asshole. Aren't you even a little bit concerned?"

 

William looked over at the Sales table, where everyone but Gabe was chattering away and wasting time in their usual fashion, while Gabe looked to be lost in his own thoughts. "Yeah," he admitted. "I'm really concerned, okay, but I don't know what the fuck to do, and Pete talked to him, but he said... he said that Gabe wouldn't tell him and he'd get over it or whatever and I don't know what it's about and it's really freaking me out!"

 

Ray, Dallon, and Tyler all just stared at him once he finished. "You should breathe," Tyler said reasonably. Letting out a deep breath, William realized that Tyler was right: he hadn't breathed for the entirety of his little rant.

 

"I'm sure it'll be fine," Ray said reassuringly. "Gabe loves you."

 

William raised an eyebrow at Ray, not entirely sure what that meant, what way Ray meant that in, but he just sat quietly. There was nothing else he could do.

 

———

 

WILLIAM: I don't know what's going on. I wish I did. I'm really... it's weird. Gabe tells me everything. Like, even the shit I don't want to know. Once he told me how big his shit was. More than once, actually. He tells me when he shaves. He tells me his brands of shaving cream. For real. So I don't know what the hell Gabe could be keeping from me that's that big, y'know? I'm... I'm scared.

 

———

 

Frank was bored. He'd spent the past hour building a castle out of Post-It notes in between transferring calls to the sales department and Pete and putting papers Pete sent him via Patrick into their respective folders. It was mind-numbing work, really, and if he was going to keep doing it, he needed soda or something. So he jumped out of his seat, trying to touch the ceiling (weirdly enough, it didn't work), and headed to the break room.

 

Once he got to the break room, though, he heard voices. Frank was a very nosy person, though he was loath to admit it, so instead of going in, he stood outside the doorway and listened to the conversation.

 

"You look really nice today, you know that?" someone was saying. Gerard, Frank realized. Was Gerard saying that to someone else in the office? Was Gerard flirting with someone else? Frank knew the jealousy he felt was irrational - they weren't dating, and Frank didn't even know if he was gay for heaven's sake - but he couldn't help but feel it.

 

"Thanks, Gerard, you're too sweet," someone else replied. It was Lindsey. Did this mean Gerard was straight? Frank didn't know what was going on. No way was Gerard straight. But it was a possibility. Everything was just so... weird.

 

As soon as Frank stalked away, back to his desk to process this new information, Lindsey continued. "But you know, no matter how much you flatter me, I'm not gonna buy you fucking Starbucks."

 

"It was worth a try," Gerard mumbled, giving her an innocent look. "Do you think Frankie'll give in if I try it on him?"

 

"Maybe," Lindsey mused, stroking her chin. "Pair it with your innocent puppy dog eyes and you've got a good chance."

 

———

 

FRANK: Holy shit. Gerard's straight. Maybe. I mean, that could've been anything. But Gerard... he doesn't really flirt with anyone. Does he know how to flirt? Does he like Lindsey? Lindsey's pretty. I mean, I don't like girls, but she's badass and pretty and could probably knock me out, so I would go for her if I was straight. Which means that Gerard might too. Holy shit, I'm losing my mind over here. (burying head in hands)

 

———

 

“Is this entire office having a collective crisis?” Ray asked, coming over and leaning on the counter where Frank was seated. Frank was staring off into space, seemingly a million miles away.

 

“Maybe,” Frank muttered under his breath.

 

“What’s going on?” Ray asked, giving his short friend a confused look. “You seemed fine this morning. Did something happen?”

 

“You could say that,” Frank said with a sigh. “Look, Ray, this is gonna be a fucking weird question, but honestly, do you think Gerard’s gay?”

“Yes,” Ray said immediately. “I mean, you’ve seen the man, right? No straight man wears pink lipstick to work and when asked why, says he wants to experiment with his face palette or whatever the fuck he said. And I know, I know, gender roles are bullshit, but… come _on_.”

 

“See, I thought the same thing,” Frank said, biting his lip. “But then I heard him flirting with a woman. And now my head’s a fucking mess.”

 

“You have a crush on him,” Ray said knowingly.

 

“Oh, shut the fuck up, like the whole world didn’t know already,” Frank said, putting his head down onto his desk. “I just… I don’t know, Ray. I like him so much, so fucking much it’s driving me crazy.”

 

Ray crossed his arms. “Then talk to him.”

 

“Easier said than done,” Frank murmured into the cold surface of the desk.

 

“You’re a big boy, Iero,” Ray said, ruffling Frank’s short brown hair. “Man up.”

 

———

 

RAY: I’m pretty much the office therapist. Whenever people are fighting or having problems in the office or whatever, they come to me. Which I guess makes sense, since I am the head of the HR department, but I thought it would be more ‘solving communication problems between departments’ and less ‘I have an angsty 13-year-old crush on my co-worker’. And technically office relationships aren’t supposed to be encouraged, but I don’t think it would really change much since they all act like they’re dating anyways, so what the hell. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?

 

———

 

Ray knew he probably shouldn’t tell anyone about Frank’s crisis, but he’d _finally_ admitted that he had a crush on Gerard, and that was something he just couldn’t keep to himself. As soon as he sat down at the HR table again, he said, “Frank just admitted it.”

 

Dallon practically fell out of his chair. William grinned, though it looked pained, probably because he was still repressing his big-ass crush on Gabe, who was acting completely bizarre. And Tyler, oblivious as ever, said, “Admitted what?”

 

“That he’s crushing on Gerard, keep up,” William told him bitterly. Tyler just raised his eyebrows in response, not seeming shocked.

 

“Took him long enough!” Dallon grinned. “So when’s the wedding?”

 

“Well, he thinks Gerard’s straight and crushing on Lindsey,” Ray explained. William snorted, Dallon laughed so hard he actually fell out of his chair, and even Tyler looked a little amused. “I’m serious,” Ray continued. “So, uh, I don’t know what to do about that.”

 

“Get Gerard to come out,” William said, and it wasn’t the worst advice. “Half of this office, if not more, is gay in some way anyways, so it shouldn’t be a huge deal, and then Frank can get out of this little funk he’s in.”

 

“You’ve got a good point,” Ray acknowledged. “Okay, I’ll go talk to him. When are you coming out of the closet, by the way?”

 

William glared viciously at him. Quickly, Ray got out of his seat and said something along the lines of “Okay I’m kidding I’m going now please don’t kill me” before scrambling off to find Gerard. Really, this office was a bit too much for him sometimes.

 

———

 

TYLER: These people have so much drama over things that matter so little, when you consider the entirety of life. I’ve never considered how my attraction pattern works. I don’t think I mind that much who I’m attracted to. So, no, I’m probably not straight, but I wouldn’t call myself ‘gay’ either. I won’t limit the complexity of my spirit.

 

———

 

“Listen, Gee, can I talk to you?” Ray said, grabbing onto Gerard and pulling him away from his seat before he could respond.

 

Gerard sent his table a helpless look. “If I die, Mikey gets my comic collection, even if he doesn’t want it. And Frank can have all my records - his music taste could do with some refinement. And, uh, burn my clothes. No one wants those.”

 

Ray just groaned and dragged Gerard into the break room, which was, mercifully, empty. For a second, he just stared at Gerard, and then he said, “This is gonna be a weird conversation.”

 

“Then why are we having it?” Gerard asked helplessly.

 

“It’s necessary for your happiness,” Ray said firmly. “And, as the head of Human Resources, it’s my job to make sure that you’re happy. Well, technically it’s not really my job, but it’s not like my department has all that much to do around here.”

 

“Let’s get this over with then,” Gerard said, leaning back against the wall.

 

“So rumor has it that you’re straight and into a woman,” Ray told him very bluntly. “True or false?”

 

“I feel like this is some odd form of sexual harassment,” Gerard mused. “But, uh, it’s clearly false. Why would anyone think that?”

 

“People are weird.” Ray shrugged. “And they freak out over little things.”

 

“This ‘people’ sounds suspiciously like a person,” Gerard said, half-smiling.

 

“I’m sworn to secrecy,” Ray told him, but he smiled back. “Theoretically, though, it might help this person out if you were to, you know, come out or whatever.”

 

“Theoretically, okay, I’ll do it,” Gerard said. “You know, I didn’t think it was necessary to come out. I thought everyone would’ve figured it out after I talked for two straight days about how beautiful of a specimen Billie Joe Armstrong is.”

 

Ray sighed. “Some people are a little more dense than others. Maybe they just thought you had a man crush. Straight people do that sometimes.”

 

“Straight people are a foreign species to me,” Gerard said dramatically. He then seemed to realize who he was talking to, and nervously said, “Not you, though. You’re good. Even if you do ask me weird-ass questions and interfere with my personal life.”

 

“You’ll thank me later,” Ray promised, pulling Gerard in for a quick hug.

 

———

 

GERARD: So I guess I’m coming out. How does one even go about that? Should I hire one of those performer people to come in and perform _I Kissed a Girl_ by Katy Perry, but with boy changed to girl? Should I just come out and say it? Should I somehow get a rainbow flag and run around the office with it? None of those really feel like me, though - I’m not Brendon. Hmmm.

 

———

 

Gerard slammed his hands down on his desk. All at once, the room exploded into chaos. Dallon fell out of his chair in fright, Gabe screamed, Ray dropped his mug, and everyone else just stared at Gerard, their hearts having skipped a few beats.

 

Gerard turned red. “Sorry,” he said. “I was trying to think of a good way to start this off. Probably shouldn’t have gone with that one. Anyways, uh, I have something to say.”

 

“You go, Gerard!” Ray cheered from his seat. Everyone turned to stare at him, and Ray blushed a little bit. “Sorry.”

 

“I just wanted to let you all know that I’m gay,” Gerard said. “There. Now you all know without a doubt, and there’s no speculation. I’m pretty sure most of you are gay too so you’ll support me, but, well, yeah. There we go. I came out of the closet.” He scratched the back of his head.

 

Mikey started clapping. The rest of the room followed in his footsteps, and Ray and Gabe started a chorus of hoots and hollers. Gerard just blushed and sunk back down into his chair, like somehow he could disappear.

 

“I mean, most of us knew that already,” Brendon said. Everyone glared at him, and he quickly added, “But thanks for letting us know anyways. You’re, uh, really brave.”

 

Over at the receptionist’s desk, Frank Iero was grinning from ear to ear.

 

———

 

FRANK: This doesn’t mean anything, right? Just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s into me like that. I mean, fuck, not every straight person is into every other straight person. But it does mean there’s a chance. More of a chance than if he was straight, at least. Damn, I should not be this happy. _(laughing off-camera)_ Stop laughing!

 

———

 

“Well, I wasn’t really gonna say anything, because I’m still unsure as fuck about everything,” Gabe said, looking more uncertain than anyone in the office had ever seen him, “but, well, Gerard did, so I should be able to. Some, uh, recent events have, um, shown me that I’m not straight either. I don’t know what the fuck I am, but…”

 

“But you like a guy,” Josh said knowingly.

 

“Maybe,” Gabe said, putting his head into his arms. “I mean, yeah, I do. Fuck, I do. And I’m, like, fifty shades of fucked up about it.”

 

“I’m gay too,” Brendon offered. “If it makes anyone feel any better.”

 

“Let’s make this easier,” Ryan said dryly. “Who here is 100% straight?”

 

Ray tentatively raised his hand, glancing around the room as he did so, like it was some scandalous secret. Slowly, Dallon raised his hand, and so did Joe, Andy, Lindsey, and Jamia. Dallon sighed. “Really? So few? I feel like this is an unrealistically high percentage of non-straight people.”

 

Frank raised his hand, a shit-eating grin on his face. Everyone just groaned. “Frank,” William said, rolling his eyes, “approximately zero percent of this room thinks you’re straight in any way.”

 

“Hey, I could be,” Frank said. “You don’t know my life.”

 

Everyone just cut their eyes at him, well, everyone except Gabe, who seemed to have (finally) realized that William did not raise his hand, and had started beaming over at his best friend. William looked a little embarrassed.

 

“Get a room,” Jamia coughed. Gabe had always been the type of guy who could take a hint, so he flounced over to the Human Resources desk, practically grabbed William, and dragged him into the break room to the choruses of “awww” and “so romantic”.

 

———

 

WILLIAM: Holy shit, this is happening. Holy shit oh my God holy shit fuck balls what the hell do I do fuck shit. I’m going to explode.

 

———

 

William brushed off his sleeve in faux annoyance. “God, you got your gross hand sweat all over my sweater.”

 

“Fuck off, Bilvy,” Gabe said, but he was still grinning from ear to ear.

 

“So….” William said. His heart was threatening to explode out of his throat. This was probably simultaneously the most exciting and terrifying moment of his life. Little did he know, Gabe was feeling the same way. “So, you said you had feelings for a boy that are making you question your sexuality.”

 

Gabe looked down, his face reddening a little bit. “I may have said that.”

 

“And do you want to tell me who that person is?” William asked, poking Gabe in the side.

 

“I think you know, _querido,”_ Gabe said quietly, peering up into William’s face, still standing a good few inches from him, just in case. “It’s always fucking been you. You confused the shit out of me, though, because after the competition you said we weren’t dating like you didn’t want to be dating me or something, and so I thought that maybe you didn’t like me back, but now…”

 

“Fuck, we literally are middle schoolers,” William said, laughing. “Gabriel Saporta, I love the shit out of you in every possible way.”

 

“I love you too,” Gabe said, his face lighting up in a way William had never seen it. “Holy shit, Bill, I love you too, and we’ve been so stupid, well mostly you because I’m a motherfucking angel. Oh, who am I kidding? You’re an angel too. That’s what makes us so perfect together.”

 

“Stop talking, you idiot,” William said. Quickly, forcefully, he leaned in and pressed his lips against Gabe, smiling as Gabe wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. It was like the first flake of snow spotted by a child on a long-awaited snow day, signifying the start of something great.

 

Once they finally pulled away for air, Gabe said breathily, “I don’t want to fuck this up.”

 

“I know,” William said. It was a serious statement, but William couldn’t stop smiling.

 

———

 

HAYLEY: Well, yeah, we all knew Gabe and William were gonna get together eventually, once they pulled their heads out of their asses. Give me the real news. Like that guy in Liverton that claims he’s related to a mouse because they ‘have the same ears’. I wanna hear about that shit.

 

———

 

“All right, all right, you can all pull your faces off the damn window now,” Gabe said as he and William emerged hand-in-hand from the break room. William flipped the crowd that was plastered to the break room window off with his free hand, but none of them seemed too concerned.

 

“We’re happy for you, really,” Ryan said in a monotone. “Domestic bliss, my favorite thing.”

 

“Well, Ryro, now we can discuss the fact that you didn’t raise your hand either,” Gabe shot back.

 

“I wea matching ties and vests and occasionally even scarves to work and somehow you all didn’t figure out that I’m not straight,” Ryan deadpanned.

 

“That’s stereotyping!” Gerard protested.

 

Ryan just half-grinned, and Brendon stared over at him with wide eyes.

 

———

 

BRENDON: Ryan’s not straight. There’s a chance I could date Ryan fucking Ross. I’ve gotta kick my charm up, like, ten notches. I’ve gotta bring out my lucky pink shirt and my boss ass dance moves. This boy’s gonna love me before I leave this company. _(quietly)_ If I ever leave this company.

 

———

 

“Anyways,” Ryan continued, “Josh and Tyler didn’t raise their hands either.”

 

“Sexuality is a societal construct that allows for artificial barriers to be constructed between people that have no place in my head, at least,” Tyler said without looking up. “So, no, I’m not straight. If you can even call it that.”

 

“I don’t know what that means,” Brendon said.

 

“I’m bisexual,” Josh offered. “I think. Maybe pansexual. I don’t get labels. But yeah, no, not straight.”

 

“What are we talking about?” Pete asked, finally emerging from his office with Patrick trailing behind him. Glancing around at Gabe and William’s linked hands, at Brendon staring longingly at Ryan, at Gerard and Frank pointedly trying to avoid eye contact, he said, “I feel as though I may have missed some things.”

 

“Quick catch-up: Gabe and William finally got their shit together, Gerard started a coming out wave, and no one’s straight,” Frank informed him.

 

“I’m straight!” Dallon protested. Andy, Joe, Jamia, and Lindsey nodded their heads in support.

 

“Well, I’m sure as hell not,” Pete snorted. “But all of you knew that.”

 

“In love with Mikey,” Gabe coughed into his elbow. Pete threw the nearest object at him, which happened to be Frank’s pen. Frank just stared longingly at it as it flew through the air, hit Gabe’s elbow, and dropped to the floor.

 

“Nice throw,” Frank snickered.

 

“It’s not my fault he’s 200 feet tall! I can’t throw that high,” Pete said miserably.

 

“Mikey’s not straight either,” Joe contributed. Mikey glared at him, and he said, “What? I’m just stating it for the official record.”

 

“This isn’t a courtroom, Joe,” Mikey said, scowling. “But yes. I’m gay.”

 

“We can be gay together!” Pete said enthusiastically, beaming at Mikey, who quickly avoided his gaze but seemed a little brighter than moments before. “Uh, all of us, I mean. The gayest office in the fucking world, man. How’d I get so lucky?”

 

“I’m also not straight,” Patrick offered. “For Joe’s courtroom records.”

 

“Damn,” Joe said, writing something down on his desk - not on paper on the desk, but literally on the wood of his desk.

 

“So almost no one in this office is straight,” Andy said, sounding as though he were in disbelief. “Does no one else find that hard to believe? I mean, a majority of America is straight.”

 

“Pete just attracts gay men,” Mikey said with a shrug, and Patrick shot him a look that could blaze through steel. “This isn’t a representative sample of America.”

 

“I’ve never been a minority before, really,” Dallon said. “I mean, as far as race and gender and sexuality go. This is… interesting.”

 

“New rule,” Pete said, pretending to write something on his arm. “Straight people aren’t allowed bathroom breaks.”

 

“Hey!” Dallon protested.

 

“Straight people aren’t allowed to eat at our table during lunch,” Gerard chimed in. Lindsey just hit him with a stack of papers from her desk.

 

“Hey, it’s fine to be straight. I’m fine with straight people,” Pete said, trying to keep a straight face. “Just don’t cram it down my throat, yeah?”

 

They all laughed in unison, all of them feeling lighter now that almost everything was out in the open. Well, as far as sexuality went, at least.

 

“It’s a good day to be gay,” Brendon mused. Everyone just stared at him, and he sighed. “Just let me have this.”

 

“Sometimes I really do like the people I work with,” Patrick said seriously.

 

“So, uh, our next discussion should be about our kinks,” Pete said with a grin. “I’ll bet you anything Josh has a daddy kink.”

 

Turning bright red, Josh glared at Pete. Patrick just sighed. “Never mind.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow you guys are honestly the best. This is probably the most comments I've gotten on a chapter like, ever, so that's fantastic. Thank you so much for your comments and please keep it up! :) I tried to write this ASAP to thank you all.
> 
> And yes, sorry, Gabilliam was the first - but Frerard isn't far away, trust me!
> 
> Sorry this chapter wasn't the funniest, but it kind of needed to happen. It'll get better, I hope.


	7. The Office is Out of Shape (Long Live the Office)

 

Gerard Way stood outside of the elevator door. He pressed the button again firmly, praying that something would be different this time, that in the ten seconds since he’d last pushed the button, everything would have changed. Unfortunately, the button still did not light up, and the elevator showed no sign of moving. Groaning, he pressed the pad of his finger against the button again. It would be different this time, he told himself.

 

And then he realized there was someone behind him.

 

Slowly, he turned around. Andy was standing there, his arms crossed, a wide scowl on his face. “Are you waiting for something, Gerard?”

 

“No,” Gerard said meekly. “I was just playing with the button. Uh, you know, I like to see it light up. But it’s not doing it today! So I guess I’ll be taking the stairs now. You know, like I do every day.”

 

Before he could finish his sentence, though, Dallon came strolling in. He walked straight up to the elevator, pressed the button (which again, did not work), turned to Gerard, and said, “Hey, elevator buddy, the elevator’s not working today!”

 

Gerard wished he could melt into the floor, or that a giant eagle would swoop in through the door and carry him away to someplace where there weren’t people like Andy that were constantly on his case to get in shape. Andy looked less than pleased. “You realize our office is only one floor up,” Andy said.

 

“Yes,” Gerard replied, staring at the ground. “I realize that.”

 

“The elevator’s nice,” Dallon offered. “They play great music, seriously.”

 

Andy looked as though he was about to go off, but before he could start on his rampage, the door opened again and Brendon strolled in. Andy looked triumphant. “Brendon, my dude, you don’t take the elevator, do you?”

 

“Of course I do,” Brendon said, scoffing. He hadn’t quite been at the office long enough to learn that one should never divulge to Andy anything that is remotely unhealthy, lest one suffer an hour-long rant about how poisonous that habit is to your health. He shrugged. “The elevator’s one of the best parts of my day. Dallon, Gerard, Ryan and I have some really great conversations about life in the elevator together.”

 

Dallon nodded enthusiastically. Ray stared at them, a look of confusion on his face. “The elevator only goes up one floor. That takes literally thirty seconds.”

 

“Sometimes the best conversations are had in only thirty seconds,” Dallon said, and Brendon patted his shoulder in support.

 

Andy groaned. “I’m fixing this,” he huffed, marching over to the staircase.

 

“The elevator?” Gerard yelled after him.

 

“No, dumbass, not the elevator!” Andy yelled back as he stomped up the stairs. “All of you and your laziness.”

 

As Andy disappeared up the stairs, Ryan entered, his usual look of absolute disinterest plastered on his face. He shot the desk boy, Adam Siska, a quick wave before turning to the other three men. “Is there a reason we’re all just lounging around in the waiting area?”

 

“The elevator’s broken, Andy’s super pissed, and Andy says he’s going to fix us,” Brendon rattled off quickly. “Plus, he doesn’t think we can have deep conversations in thirty seconds.”

  
“Clearly he’s never heard you talk at the speed of 60 words a second,” Ryan grumbled, and Brendon looked incredibly pleased. Ryan turned back to Adam at the desk. “Sisky, when the fuck is this shit gonna get fixed?”

 

“Dunno, man,” Adam said, turning the page of his magazine. “You know how these people are. They say one day, and then they show up two days later. They said later today, but we’ll see.”

 

“Shit,” Ryan cursed, kicking the door listlessly. “So we have to go up the stairs?”

 

“Afraid so,” Adam told him.

 

Ryan turned back to the other three. “Let’s do this.” For once, he didn’t push Brendon off when Brendon linked their arms together, and all four of them turned to tackle the great big stairs together.

 

———

 

RYAN: I don’t want to hear it. I also get the feeling that Andy now wants us to start exercising because he’s pissed that we take the elevator instead of the stairs, but not everyone was meant to be a CrossFit training man or whatever the hell he is or an athlete of some sort. I hate exercising. Like, I would rather eat cereal made of nails than exercise. _(blinking)_ Hey, that’s not a bad idea for a song title.

 

———

 

“All right,” Andy said as he barged into the office, Brendon, Ryan, Gerard, and Dallon behind him, panting heavily. “This is ridiculous.”

 

Everyone just stared at him, clearly not comprehending exactly what he was getting at. Andy groaned loudly. Through shallow breaths, Dallon managed to get out, “Uh, what’s ridiculous?”

 

“This,” he said, gesturing wildly at the four men behind him.

 

“That’s not nice,” Dallon said, frowning. Everyone else nodded in support.

 

“Not you as people,” Andy protested. “I mean, the fact that you’re so out of shape that you can’t even take a single flight of stairs without being out of breath! What the hell is up with that?”

 

“I don’t enjoy exercise,” Gerard said. “It’s boring.”

 

Andy groaned again. “Have you tried different sorts of exercise?”

 

“Running, walking, watching sports, and eating M&Ms with chopsticks,” Gerard informed him. “None of them were remotely entertaining.”

 

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right sport, then,” Andy said, rubbing his beard. “…I’ve got it.”

 

“Andy,” Ryan said in a monotone, “you cannot force us all to do CrossFit.”

 

“I would probably die if I even tried,” Tyler told him. “Which would make you responsible for the death of an innocent.”

 

“You wouldn’t die, calm down,” Andy said, rolling his eyes. “But I’m not forcing you all to do CrossFit, anyways. We don't take the unwilling. There’s an obstacle course at the end of the month. A ton of offices do it as a team building thing, and I think it would be great if we could do it as a team too.”

 

“You cannot force us to do an obstacle course,” Ryan said, looking and sounding more concerned than he had before.

 

“You’re right, I can’t,” Andy said. “But Pete, as your boss, most certainly can. And after I fished his phone out of a dumpster, a toilet, a pond, and a canyon, he owes me big time.”

 

“Fuck,” Gerard said, running a hand through his hair. Almost immediately, Frank leapt up from where he was sitting behind the receptionist desk to pat Gerard on the back. In response, Mikey stared suggestively at him, and he simply flipped Mikey off.

 

The room was silent, everyone silently mourning except Andy, who looked a little concerned about the dramatic reaction to his suggestion, and Josh, who was smiling quietly to himself. Suddenly, the door burst open. Gabe and William strolled in, their hair messy and their hands intertwined between them. Gabe immediately started in with, “Fuck, we’re sorry we’re late, it’s just… wait. What the fuck is going on here? You all look like someone died.”

 

“My soul has died,” Gerard said grimly. Frank continued rubbing his shoulders.

 

“It’s no big deal,” Andy huffed. “We’re just gonna do an obstacle course as a team. That’s literally it.”

 

“That sounds fucking fantastic,” Gabe said. Andy grinned and walked over to high-five him. Beside Gabe, though, William didn’t look so sure, and he exchanged a concerned look with the rest of the HR table.

 

“I’m… not very talented at obstacles,” William said. He wrinkled up his nose. “I’ve got a lot of long, spindly limbs. They tend to… get tangled up. In other things, and in each other.”

 

“You’ll be fine, Bilvy, _querido,_ ” Gabe said, batting his eyes over at his boyfriend. “I’ll be there to catch you if you fall.”

 

“Gross,” Mikey said, wrinkling his nose. He glared at Gabe and William, and then turned his glare over to Frank and Gerard. “Ray, are there not regulations against PDA?”

 

“There are,” Ray said, glaring over at the other men.

 

Gabe plastered himself behind William, wrapping his arms tightly around William’s body, and smirked. “Sorry, boys, you’re gonna have to pry me off my little snuggle buddy.” William looked like he wanted to murder Gabe, and Ray looked like he shared the sentiment. Tyler snorted.

 

“Well, I’m kind of excited about this too,” Josh chimed in. “Working out can be fun.”

 

“You just want another excuse to go shirtless,” Lindsey mumbled. Josh glared at her.

 

“Training starts tomorrow, like it or not,” Andy said. “I mean, uh, once I talk to Pete. Well. Training _probably_ starts tomorrow.”

 

———

 

GABE: Fuck yeah, I’m excited about this. I can pretend I’m a fucking Secret Service agent that’s trying not to set off a bomb or some shit. Plus, I look damn good when I’m working out, so William should be excited for that.

 

 _(camera panning over)_ WILLIAM: Sure.

 

GABE: _(feigning offense)_ What, you’re not excited?

 

WILLIAM: I am.

 

GABE: You don’t seem like it!

 

WILLIAM: You know I’m always excited for you. _(mouthing cut that out to the camera)_ But, uh, I’m just no good at athletics. You shoulda seen me in high school gym. Especially fucking dodgeball.

 

GABE: I’ll be there to help you out, yeah? We’re a team, _querido_. You’re stuck with me. Like it or not.

 

———

 

“Okay!” Andy said into the megaphone. Over night, he’d managed to find a field nearby for them to practice in, bought a megaphone and a whistle, and put together an outfit that resembled every PE teacher in every overdramatic high school movie. Everyone was simultaneously impressed and concerned. “Let’s get this shit together, all right? We’re gonna start by running through these tires. One foot to a tire, go as fast as you can, don’t fall down. We good?”

 

Josh raised his hand. “Can we just jump over the tires?”

 

“No,” Andy said, sighing.

 

“Backflip?” Brendon asked.

 

“You can’t walk up the stairs but you can do a backflip.” Andy crossed his arms. Brendon just nodded eagerly. Andy scowled. “No backflipping either.”

 

“Come on, man, that would be so badass,” Brendon whined, which just made Andy sigh even louder.

 

“Gabe, will you demonstrate?” Andy said.

 

Gabe grinned. “Hell yes, I will. I’ve done this before. Step aside, little men.” He backed up with a clear path to the tires, acting like he was trying to get a running start, but at the last second he did a handstand and flipped straight into the tires, falling on his face.

 

“Gabe!” William yelled, breaking away from the group and running off towards his injured boyfriend.

 

“Gabe,” Andy growled, “I said _not_ to backflip.”

 

“I must’ve heard wrong,” Gabe said, getting to his feet with William’s help. “I heard _definitely_ do a backflip.”

 

William glared at him as they walked back to the crowd. “How about we don’t do dumb shit that could injure our bodies anymore, yeah?”

 

“I don’t think I can do that,” Gabe said.

 

“Heck yeah!” Josh hollered, backflipping right into the middle tire. He stumbled a bit after landing, but then straightened himself up and grinned. “That’s how it’s done.”

 

“I feel like we should get extra points if we do that,” Jamia said.

 

Andy kicked one of the tires. “No more backflips,” he said tiredly. “No more.”

 

———

 

ANDY: I really don’t think running through tires is that difficult of a task, but somehow they found a way to do it wrong. My CrossFit buddies are gonna judge so hard once they see what a failure of a team I’ve put together. But I can’t get discouraged, not yet.

 

———

 

“Okay,” Andy said, blowing the whistle to get the attention of his team, who were all engrossed in conversation with each other. Brendon was telling Ryan about his backflip technique, Ryan was pretending not to be interested, Gabe was dancing for some reason, William was looking ashamed, Josh was practicing his technique, and Frank was attempting to climb on Ray’s back. At the sound of the whistle, though, they all turned to look at Andy curiously. “Okay. Well, the tire thing was a failure, but surely this we can’t mess up. All you have to do is climb to the other side of this wall. And no, you cannot backflip over it, or you will surely die.”

 

Patrick cut in. “Uh, there aren’t any foot rests.”

 

“Good point, Patrick,” Andy said, grinning. “That’s where teamwork comes in. You’re going to have to help each other get to the other side of this wall.”

 

Gabe and William exchanged a look. “You’re probably tall enough to not need my help,” William said, nudging Gabe.

 

“The wall is almost ten feet tall,” Andy said. “Gabe might be a giant, but he’s not ten feet tall.” Gabe looked a little offended.

 

Frank scrambled onto Ray’s back, ignoring Ray’s protests. “Sorry, Ray,” Frank said, “but I have a legitimate reason to do this now.”

 

“Frankie, get off,” Gerard said, swatting him on behalf of Ray, who looked resigned. Mikey made a gagging noise.

 

Pete glanced over at Mikey. “You’re tall. Give me a boost.”

 

“Compared to Bill and Gabe, I’m tiny,” Mikey protested, but he grabbed Pete around the waist anyway and tried fruitlessly to boost him up. Noticing what was going on near him, and not feeling too happy about it, Patrick made his way over to them.

 

“What if I kneel on the ground, Pete gets on top of me, and then Mikey climbs on top of both of us, since he’s the tallest?” Patrick suggested.

 

“That could work!” Pete said happily. “You’re a genius, Patty!”

 

Patrick’s face completely lit up, and he didn’t even look all that annoyed about having to lie on the ground so that Pete could climb on top of him. Mikey climbed onto Pete’s back, and, after pushing himself up onto his tip toes, he was able to make it to the top of the wall. He pulled himself up on top of the wooden wall and then froze, looking confused. “Uh, Andy?”

 

“Yes, Mikey?”

 

“How the fuck do I get down?”

 

“We’ll make a circle and catch you in our arms,” Andy said, motioning everyone to get off the wall (and each other) to form a circle. Once they did so, Andy continued, “You’re just gonna have to fall. It’s like a trust fall. Only, um, fifty times more dangerous.”

 

“Is that an exact estimate?” Ryan asked sardonically. Andy stuck out his tongue in response.

 

“I don’t think I want to do this,” Mikey said, his voice shaking. “What if you drop me?”

 

“What’s your other option?” Joe drawled. “You could stay up there all night, I guess. We’ll bring you a tent.”

 

“I just don’t want to die,” Mikey snapped in response. “Or break any of my bones. Or get permanent brain damage.”

 

“We won’t drop you, Mikes,” Gerard said sincerely, staring up at his little brother. “You can kill us if we do.”

 

“I do not agree to this,” Frank said.

 

Mikey sighed. “Okay. Fine. Get ready.” He turned around, awaiting his certain doom, and then he leaned back and he was falling. He braced himself for pain and possible irreversible damage, but it never came. Instead, he landed softly in the arms of his co-workers.

 

“See,” Gerard said, grinning broadly. The circle helped Mikey back onto his feet, and everyone seemed a little more confident. Even Andy, who’d been nothing but annoyed all day, was grinning from ear to ear.

 

“We can do this,” Andy said. It was starting to sound like he believed it himself.

 

———

 

MIKEY: I didn’t die somehow. They caught me. The most unathletic, uncoordinated group of people I’ve ever met caught me. I know it’s not a huge task, but still, it’s huge. Now we can try something a little tougher. Like, you know, getting _everyone_ over the damn wall.

 

———

 

The day of the race was hot, which was something that the office workers had not been expecting, since it was a normal day in the beginning of November. “There’s a reason I don’t ever come out of my house during the summer,” Gerard complained, wiping his forehead, which was already dripping with sweat. Without looking up, Frank passed his fan to his friend. Gerard beamed.

 

“What if we lose?” Dallon said, his voice high.

 

“It’ll be fine,” Ray reassured him. “We practiced really hard. I've never practiced that hard for anything, really.”

 

“To be honest, I’m just hoping we don’t get last place,” Ryan said, not looking up from his phone. Brendon jammed his elbow into Ryan’s ribs, making Ryan scowl.

 

“We’re gonna win,” Brendon said enthusiastically. “Maybe fucking first place, if we go hard. I believe in us.”

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Bren, have you seen the guys Andy’s talking to? They’ve got muscles the size of your damn head.”

 

Brendon glanced down at his own arm, looking supremely concerned.

 

———

 

BRENDON: Does Ryan like big muscles? Should I start working out even more? I bet if I tried my fuckin’ hardest, I could get muscles the size of his head. My head might be a little harder, but I could get there. But was he being, uh, angry about the dude’s muscles, or was he into it? Help me out here! I'm no good at reading Ryan. He's like, the opposite of an open book. A closed book.

 

———

 

Andy walked back over with their numbers in hand and passed them out to all of his co-workers, informing them that they had to pin them onto their shirts, which everyone seemed a little annoyed with. “Now, listen,” Andy said once they were done. “You all were really getting there when we practiced. You made a lot of progress. So let's go out there and give it your all. Ryan, please actually try. Hayley, once we get to the wall, you cannot just sit there and wait for someone to throw you over. Frank, you are little, not invisible, and you cannot just walk around the obstacles. Bill, getting mud on you is not gonna ruin your yoga pants. Now let’s do this.”

 

They took their places at the starting line, their hearts beating fast as they waited for the race to begin. Gabe gave William’s hand a quick squeeze. Pete beamed over at Mikey, who gave a half-smile in return. Gerard prepped himself for certain doom.

 

Once the fake gun went off, signaling the beginning of the race, their team took off. The first obstacle was a bunch of posts they had to crawl under, through a pathway that was at least 90% mud. William looked like he was going to to say something, but Andy cut him off with a glare and he sighed and got down.

 

Andy led the pack, but Frank wasn’t far behind him, what with his tiny body that easily was able to stay below the posts. Hayley was close as well, and so was Josh, but the rest were lagging a little bit behind.

 

“I’m drowning!” William yelled through mouthfuls of mud as he tried to drag his long body through the mud.

 

“You’re almost here, Bilvy,” Gabe yelled from where he’d just resurfaced on the other end. "You've got this."

 

“And the mud’s only a few inches deep,” Ryan remarked, pulling himself out of the mud. “You couldn’t drown if you tried. And believe me, I did.”

 

William tried to throw mud at Ryan, but it ended up just hitting Patrick, who kicked mud back at him. "Work together, guys," Andy bellowed at them, and Patrick rolled his eyes.

 

After a lot of struggling and encouragement from the rest of the team, the last two - William and Tyler - made it to the end, with Gabe and Josh pulling them to their feet. “Please tell me the next obstacle doesn’t involve mud,” William said, but unfortunately for him, the next obstacle was a set of monkey bars above a puddle of mud. William scowled. “Fuck this,” he said, and then he ran at the monkey bars and frantically made his way across them. He landed on the other side halfway gracefully and beamed back at the rest of his co-workers.

 

“Damn,” Pete said appreciatively. “Now if only he had that kind of work ethic at actual work.”

 

“Is it bad that I’m turned on right now?” Gabe asked. Everyone just scowled at him.

 

After only one monkey bar, Gerard fell into the pit of mud. He didn’t look all that concerned, though, he simply pushed himself back up and ran to join everyone at the end. Josh, of course, did a backflip on the monkey bars and didn’t even fall off. Gabe yelled that they should get extra points, but no one listened. Brendon did a backflip too, but ended up in the mud.

 

The last person across for this obstacle was Patrick, who didn’t seem all that concerned about it as he waded through the mud slowly to the end, despite Andy’s angry yells to _hurry the fuck up, Stump_ , drawing scandalized looks from the people around them. They moved on to the third obstacle, which ended up being the wall.

 

“Might as well give up now,” Hayley said dejectedly.

 

“No, Hayley!” Ray barked, which was surprising to all because usually it was Andy barking out orders. He didn’t even look the least bit ashamed as he continued, “Get on my hands, I’ll boost you up. We’re gonna get over this thing.”

 

Ray did exactly as he said. With a little help from Gabe the giant, he managed to get Hayley over the wall, and she was the first person from their team to make it. As the others split off into smaller groups to get over the wall, Gabe turned to Ray. “I’m turned on again by that hardass display of masculinity.”

 

William smacked him on the arm, and Ray just blushed.

 

———

 

HAYLEY: I made it over the wall! Yeah, I stayed up there for five minutes because I didn’t want to jump down, even though there was a cushion on the other side. I’ve got a delicate balance, okay, don’t judge me. But I made it! We made it! And no one snuck around to the other side. I thought it was a pretty good strategy myself.

 

———

 

The last obstacle of the race ended up being the tires. Andy groaned and looked as though he had accepted defeat already.

 

“This should be easy, right?” Brendon said hopefully.

 

“If you don’t try to backflip through it,” Andy said, “and if Gerard doesn’t try to use one as a lounge chair.”

 

Gerard shrugged. “It was comfortable. Don’t knock it till you try it.”

 

“We can do this,” Dallon said confidently, which, since he’d been one of the most vocal about not wanting to take place in the obstacle course, was shocking. “We can do this together.”

 

And so they did. They held hands in small groups as they made their way through the tires, catching anyone who fell, stopping to make sure they were all together, and slowly but incredibly surely, they made it to the end of the obstacle course. Unsurprisingly, they weren’t first, but they weren’t dead last, either.

 

“Sorry, Andy,” Brendon panted as they stood at the finish line. “We tried our best.”

 

“Are you kidding?” Andy asked, glancing around at his co-workers, all of whom had nearly identical expressions of sincerity on their faces. “That was fucking fantastic. I expected us to lose horribly, but you all came together and worked so damn hard and God, I’m so proud of all of you. Really. I couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.”

 

“So you’re not going to force us all to do CrossFit?” Ryan asked, grinning.

 

“Not yet,” Andy said, reaching over to ruffle Ryan’s fluffy brown hair.

 

“Group hug!” Brendon chirped, and though Gerard objected loudly to everyone’s sweaty bodies being pressed together, he ended up in the middle of the hot and sweaty bundle of bodies. Laughing and chatting, everyone pulled back when something suddenly struck them.

 

“Where are Bill and Gabe?” Mikey asked, his eyebrows creased.

 

Lindsey smirked and jabbed her thumb at the Port-a-Potty, which was shaking a considerable amount and emitting questionable sounds. Everyone groaned in unison, Josh going so far as to stick his fingers in his ear and close his eyes. “I don’t want my innocence to be ruined by those two horny giraffes,” Josh said.

 

“We were so close to being wholesome,” Patrick lamented.

 

“Maybe next race?” Andy suggested hopefully.

 

“Yeah fucking right,” Frank said, throwing his sweat towel at Andy.

 

Brendon turned to Gerard. “So do you think the elevator will be working again when we get to work tomorrow?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY WOW you're all fantastic and new people keep reading and wow I'm emotional. Thank you all for reading. Thank you for supporting this fic. Thanks for being fantastic.
> 
> This chapter is not my best work - I'm a little sick right now - but I hope you enjoy nonetheless. Please keep commenting! It definitely encouraged me to write asap when I saw all your great responses. My classes are about to pick up a little bit, but I'll try my best to write in my spare time. 
> 
> Love you all. 
> 
> (Also, I don't actually think any of these people are out of shape. It's mostly a projection of me being grossly out of shape and trying to take a PE class.)


	8. The Only Difference Between The Office and This Fanfiction is Press Coverage

“Holy fuck,” Gabe said, stumbling into the office and clutching his forehead. “I’m so hungover. I feel like I’m going to explode.”

 

“Gabe,” William said carefully, walking over to drape an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders, “it’s a Wednesday morning.”

 

“Club going up on a Tuesday!” Brendon bellowed from where he was seated at the other end of the Sales table. He immediately grasped his own head afterwards, wincing in pain.

 

“Brendon,” Ryan said in a flat tone, glaring at him over the top of his computer, “please, for the love of God, tell me that you didn’t go clubbing with Gabe last night.”

 

Brendon winced. “Uh… well… I can’t say that I didn’t do that.”

 

“So you did.” Ryan groaned, turning back to his computer with an annoyed look on his face. “Which means that I will be hearing you bitch all day about your hangover, even though I’ll tell you probably fifty times to shut up.”

 

“Sounds accurate to me,” Joe said, snickering. However, his snickering went on for just a second too long for something that wasn’t all that funny to begin with, and Dallon turned around to stare at him.

 

“Are you high?” Dallon asked incredulously.

 

“No,” Joe said, giggling again.

 

Ray sighed loudly. “The best way to start out a day at an office. Long, drawn out conversations about how two employees went out the night before and have massive hangovers, and another employee hinting at being high. So professional, guys.”

 

Gabe just grinned lazily, not looking too concerned with Ray’s anger, and then winced again. William sighed, kissing the top of his head lightly. “I’ll go grab you some Tylenol, idiot.”

 

——

 

BRENDON: I wasn’t planning on going out with Gabe last night, okay. It was a work night and I need my fucking beauty rest. But then he gave me this whole guilt trip about how no one will go out with him anymore, and Bill doesn’t want to go out with him during the week, and he’s lonely because everyone at clubs just wants to flirt with him and now he has a boyfriend, but he won’t be _that asshole_ that dances with strangers that are clearly into him when he has a boyfriend. And yeah, it was seriously that long-winded of an explanation. So I finally gave in and was like, fuck it, I’ll go with you, but just this once. No one warned me that Gabe Saporta goes _hard,_ though. I’m gonna be in pain for literal days after this one. I guess I learned my lesson?

 

——

 

“Brendon! Gabe! My office!” Pete yelled, popping his head out of his door and causing both boys to grip their heads in pain, but quickly play it off like they were just rubbing their eyes or something. They glanced at each other quickly in confusion, wondering if Pete could’ve possibly gotten word , but both got up from their table and headed into Pete’s office.

 

“Look, you two are total idiots,” Pete said. Gabe glanced up, looking like he wanted to protest, but then he looked at Brendon and shrugged. It was pretty much the truth. Pete continued, “But, well, you’re also very charming idiots that don’t take shit from anyone. I’ve got a big sale that needs to happen. Can I trust you two to get this sale?”

 

Brendon and Gabe exchanged a glance. “Tell me about them,” Brendon said, leaning forwards. “You sound very… serious about this.”

 

“Well, he’s extremely rich,” Pete said, tapping his pen on the edge of his desk. “And his daughter is getting married. She’s an only kid, so it’s a huge affair and we’re getting a shit ton of money. All I need you two to do is head down to the warehouse, pick up the shipment, personally deliver it, and ensure payment. That’s literally it.”

 

“Why us?” Gabe asked, looking skeptical. “Not that I blame you - we _are_ the most attractive guys in Sales, bar none - but unless the dad’s into dudes, that won’t help us at all.”

 

“Because he’s very cunning,” Pete said, sighing. “Gerard would definitely cave and give him a discount. Lindsey would probably try to fight him. Josh is too soft. Hayley’s my backup, but she’s a wild card sometimes. Andy would probably show up, see all the unhealthy shit and get pissed. So that leaves you two - dumb and dumber.”

 

“I call dumb,” Gabe said immediately.

 

Brendon scowled. “No fucking way. Literally yesterday you spent two hours trying to convince me that Benjamin Franklin was the first president. And last week you spent two hours standing on an escalator because it was ‘broken’.”

 

“It was!” Gabe protested. “How was I supposed to know that you can just walk up broken escalators?”

 

Brendon looked unimpressed. “You laugh at the word _poop_.” Gabe just snickered, and Brendon rolled his eyes. “I rest my case.”

 

“Anyways,” Pete said, trying not to laugh himself, “you two need to head out as soon as possible if you’re going to get everything done on time. Please, please don’t fuck this up.”

 

“No promises,” Gabe called in response as Brendon practically dragged him out of the room.

 

——

 

PETE: Do I trust those two with this mission? Unfortunately, I don’t really have another choice. I just have the sinking feeling I’m going to regret this. Hopefully they don’t ban us from working with them and we get the money from the sale. That’s literally all I’m daring to hope for.

 

——

 

Gabe slid back into the room, immediately barreling over to where William was sitting at the HR table. He threw his arms around William’s neck in an overdramatic fashion. “ _Guillermo, querido,_ Pete is sending me off on a quest that I may not return from in one piece. If I die, just know that I love you and I was thinking of you the entire time.”

 

Walking up behind him, Brendon just sighed. “Translation: Pete’s sending us to drop off a big order for some rich dude.”

 

William just grinned and shook his head. “You’ve got this.”

 

“A kiss for good luck?” Gabe asked, moving in closer to his boyfriend. William smiled and kissed him quickly before turning back to his desk.

 

“I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but PDA is prohibited in the office,” Ray said, sounding defeated.

 

“You’re just jealous that you’re not getting any,” Gabe shot back.

 

“I have a girlfriend,” Ray told the room at large. “Just in case any of you were curious. So that’s just entirely a false statement.”

 

“You have a girlfriend?” Frank said, leaping out of his receptionist’s chair to gape at Ray. “And you didn’t fucking tell us?”

 

“I’m, like, 90% sure I’ve mentioned it at least 20 times,” Ray said dryly. “It’s not my fault that you don’t listen to anything you say.”

 

“To be fair, most of what you say is just complaining about people making out in the office, so we’ve all learned to block it out,” Lindsey chimed in. Ray just glared at her.

 

“Does no one _else_ see a problem with people making out willy-nilly all over the office?” Ray asked.

 

“Just don’t use my desk and we won’t have a problem,” Gerard answered, shrugging.

 

“Great, so we’ve settled it then. PDA isn’t a problem,” Brendon said, strolling over to the Accounting table to stand beside Ryan. “How about a kiss for me? Just for good luck?”

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Maybe in your dreams tonight, Urie. If you’re lucky.”

 

Ray just gave a long, deep sigh in response.

 

——

 

RAY: Yeah, I’m really fucking glad that Brendon and Gabe are going out on a mission or whatever. They cause more problems than anyone else in this office combined. And they’re taking my poor sweet William down with them. Maybe now that they’re gone we’ll actually get something done!

 

——

 

DALLON: Well, now that Gabe and Brendon are gone, I’ll have even more space to work on my top secret, ultra important mission - busting Joe for smoking at work. There is no way he doesn’t smoke during work, okay? No one can stay high that long!

 

——

 

JOE: _(laughing)_ What the fuck, man, I’m just high off of life.

 

——

 

“Road trip!” Brendon exclaimed as he got into Gabe’s car, and immediately he winced again. “Fucking hell. I don’t know why you convinced me to go out on a work night. I might just die during this meeting.”

 

Gabe rolled his eyes as he started the car. “You’re just a wimp,” he said, cranking up the radio to the loudest possible volume. For a few seconds, he tried to headbang, and then immediately grabbed onto his head. “Fuckin’ shit,” he hissed, massaging his temple. “I take it back. God, I take it all back.”

 

Brendon laughed and turned down the radio. “I may not survive this mission.”

 

“Wake me up if I fall asleep at the wheel,” Gabe muttered as he pulled out of the parking lot.

 

Brendon raised his eyebrows. “Uhh…. please tell me you’re not _actually_ going to fall asleep at the wheel.”

 

“I got two hours of sleep last night,” Gabe said brightly. Brendon just face-palmed.

 

——

 

Frank met up with Gerard in the vending machine room, where Gerard was purchasing a soda and a bag of chips. Gerard grinned brightly at him. “Hey, Frankie. Listen, I have an extremely important question for you.”

 

“That’s a lot of pressure,” Frank said, walking over to the vending machine. “But shoot.”

 

“You’re a Blink-182 fan, I’m guessing,” Gerard said.

 

“Do I give the pop-punk vibe off?” Frank asked, raising an eyebrow. “I try to go more for the little punk aesthetic. I’m always looking to fuckin’ fight.”

 

Gerard just laughed. “Oh, no, I just mean you listen to a variety of music.”

 

“Oh,” Frank said, grabbing his bag of chips out of the vending machine. “Then hell yeah, motherfucker, Blink-182’s my shit.”

 

“Favorite Blink-182 album?” Gerard asked. “I tried to discuss this with Mikey, but well, his opinions were just so fuckin’ _wrong_.”

 

“Easy,” Frank said. “Self-titled.”

 

Gerard gaped at Frank in horror. “ _No.”_

 

“Yes,” Frank said. “Oh fuck, don’t tell me.”

 

“Dude Ranch!” Gerard exclaimed.

 

“That album is an abomination,” Frank said, ripping open his bag of chips angrily. “ _I Miss You_ is the song of a generation, motherfucker.”

 

“Dammit? Boring?” Gerard responded, looking mortally offended. When Frank shook his head, Gerard groaned loudly. “I don’t know if we can be friends anymore.” He stormed off, taking his potato chips with him.

 

Frank just grinned at the camera. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll convince him.”

 

——

 

DALLON: Okay, so here’s part one of my cunning plot. I wait till Joe goes to the bathroom and then I swoop in and go through his desk and find the weed. _(scowling)_ Okay, so maybe it’s not that cunning. I’m on a limited budget here, people.

 

——

 

WILLIAM: Has work always been this boring or is it just ‘cause Gabe’s not here? _(shrugging)_ You don’t have to like him, but fuck if Gabe doesn’t make literally everything more entertaining. Like the time he came in before work started and installed a disco ball to ‘liven things up’, or the time he noticed I was upset, stopped doing his work, and literally went into the break room to try to bake a fucking cake. It wasn’t exactly the greatest cake and he set off the fire alarm, but… _(smiling)_ it’s the thought that counts, I guess?

 

——

 

By the time Brendon and Gabe arrived at the house of their client, Brendon had dozed off a little bit, his head lulling against the car door. Gabe sighed, nudging him. “We’re here. Let’s sell some fucking silverware.”

 

Both of them piled out of the car, heading around to the back where they’d put the multiple boxes. However, once they got there, they immediately noticed that something wasn’t quite right.

 

“Oh shit,” Brendon breathed, reading what was written on the top of the box: _Maplewood Elementary School._

 

“We didn’t,” Gabe said in a strangled voice.

 

Brendon pushed the box in the front aside to see that the box behind it was also labeled _Maplewood Elementary School._ The two of them looked at the boxes in front of them in horror, and then at each other.

 

“I - you…“ Gabe sputtered.

 

“I’m really fucking tired!” Brendon yelped. “I may have mixed up the boxes-“

 

“I may not have caught it!”

 

“We’ve got the fucking elementary school silverware.” Brendon ran a hand through his hair, looking dazed.

 

“Get back in the fucking car,” Gabe commanded, slamming the back of the car closed. “We’re going to take back our silverware from children.”

 

——

 

At long last, Joe got up from his desk and walked towards the bathroom. Almost immediately, Dallon got up from his desk, almost tripping over his chair legs and shooting a heated glare at Tyler when he made a noise resembling a laugh, and ran over to Joe’s desk. He pulled out one of the drawers and immediately began rummaging through it.

 

“Aren’t you in HR?” Mikey asked.

 

“I feel like this is violating 15 of Ray’s privacy violations,” Ryan said, glancing at Pete’s office where Pete and Ray were having their daily “yelling at each other about how things are run in the office” sessions.

 

“Ray doesn’t have to know,” Dallon replied, opening a book from Joe’s drawer and shaking it out just in case. “Besides, it’s for a good cause.”

 

“We could tell him,” Jamia pointed out. “Maybe you should’ve, I don’t know, done this after hours like a normal person.”

 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Dallon complained. He sighed. “The dude has about fifteen copies of _Guitarist Weekly_ , but no drugs yet.”

 

“No shit,” Ryan said, sounding impressed. “I love that magazine. They did a feature on a dog that can play guitar last week. It was adorable, but I imagine his guitar playing leaves a lot to be desired.”

 

Dallon pointedly ignored Ryan. “If I were weed, where would I be?” he hummed.

 

“You’d better figure it out soon,” Mikey muttered. “Cause, uh, Joe’s coming out.”

 

“Crap,” Dallon said, squeezing the entirety of his large body under Joe’s desk. Joe came out, grinning from ear to ear as he slid into his chair. He moved his legs around to get comfortable, then stopped, his eyes wide.

 

“Holy shit,” Joe breathed. “There’s a fucking cat under my desk.”

 

Ryan looked at Mikey, barely containing his laughter. “A cat, you say?”

 

“Well, I don’t know what else would be under there,” Joe grumbled, standing up and peering under his desk. After a second, he said, “Holy shit, Dallon Weekes, is that you?”

 

Dallon pulled his body out from under the desk, his cheeks red and mouth twisted into a frown. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, I was looking for, uh, my pen. It rolled away.” He darted quickly back over to the HR table.

 

Joe gave the rest of his table a questioning glance. Ryan just shrugged. “Dude’s on drugs. Probably.”

 

——

 

JOE: C’mon, I’m not stupid. I know Dall-O’s trying to bust me. But I keep my supply in the bathroom. Where he’ll never find it. _(grinning)_

 

——

 

Gerard stood up from his computer, scowling. “Frank!” he yelled, but his voice wasn’t very loud, so it came out as more of a frantic squeak.

 

“Yes?” Frank somehow appeared at his side, a shit-eating grin on his face.

 

“My computer keeps playing fucking I Miss You on repeat!” Gerard hissed, pointing at his screen angrily. “I don’t know how to stop it! How did you do this? Make it stop!”

 

Frank kept grinning. “What makes you think I did it?”

 

Gerard just made a frustrated noise. “Who else would’ve done this?!”

 

“A disgruntled self-titled fan that just wants you to recognize how fuckin’ fantastic Self-Titled is,” Frank said. “Besides me.”

 

“Hey, Blink’s Self-Titled is a fantastic album,” Lindsey chimed in.

 

Gerard just groaned. “Make it stop, Frank. If I hear _Where are you and I’m so sorry_ one more time I think I might kick my desk.”

 

“Kick your desk?” Frank asked, confused.

 

“Well, I can’t kick a real person,” Gerard said, frowning. “That’d just be cruel.”

 

Frank smirked. “Just admit Self-Titled is superior and I’ll make it stop.”

 

Gerard scowled. “I cannot believe you. I’ll never admit that. Never!”

 

“Enjoy,” Frank said, slinking away, back to his receptionist’s desk.

 

“Fine!” Gerard snapped before he could get there. “Fine! Self-Titled is superior to Dude Ranch, with all its classics. Is that what you wanted?”

 

Practically leaping out from all the desk, Frank said, “That’s exactly what I wanted to hear, actually. Dallon, get over here.”

 

Dallon ran over from the HR table and immediately began typing away on Gerard’s computer. Gerard looked on in confusion. “He doesn’t know how to not put bread in the fucking copier but he can make my computer incessantly loop a Blink-182 song?”

 

“He only knows useful skills,” Frank replied, shrugging.

 

——

 

GERARD: That boy is such a cunning little fox. It’s kind of… amazing, though. He’s so funny, and smart, and determined… fuck. Don’t record that, okay? What do you mean it’s too late?!

 

——

 

By the time Gabe and Brendon arrived at the elementary school, they were already greatly behind schedule. The two of them piled boxes in their arms frantically.

 

“Don’t fucking drop them,” Brendon hissed at Gabe.

 

“Relax, _hombre_. I’m buff as hell,” Gabe said, flexing a muscle and, in the process, almost dropping a box. Brendon just glared, and Gabe said, “Let’s just go before I drop all of the boxes.”

 

They made it in through a side door which, for whatever reason, was left unlocked. “That seems incredibly unsafe,” Brendon commented, and Gabe tried to shrug in agreement but almost dropped his box again. They kept running until they reached two doors that looked like they might lead to a cafeteria, but when Brendon swung them open, they led to a gym full of students that all turned their heads to look at the two boys.

 

“I - sorry,” Brendon said quickly. “We’re, uh, we’re looking for the cafeteria?”

 

The teacher grunted. “Down the hall and to the left.”

 

“Fantastic,” Gabe said. “Don’t do drugs and stay in school, kiddos!” he yelled as the doors swung shut and Gabe and Brendon took off running again.

 

“Do you think it’s a bit odd that they didn’t even comment on the two random men with boxes running around their school?” Brendon asked, a look of concern on his face.

 

“I try not to question things when they’re to my benefit,” Gabe responded as he pushed open the doors to the actual cafeteria, which, once again, was filled with students. The two men hid their heads behind the boxes and tried to sneak through, but they could still hear the children murmuring and pointing at them.

 

“I feel like I’m back in middle school,” Brendon complained. “Everyone stared and pointed at me then, too. Also this isn’t helping my damn headache.”

 

“Maybe we can talk about your middle school drama at a later time,” Gabe huffed as they arrived at the lunch counter. The two lunch ladies just stared at them.

 

“Uh, we have a silverware delivery,” Brendon said, attempting to sound professional but instead just making his voice somehow even deeper.

 

“We already had one of those,” the lunch lady said. “Earlier today. Buncha tough guys. Much tougher than you two twigs.”

 

“Hey,” Gabe said in a wounded voice.

 

“It was the wrong order,” Brendon pleaded. “And we’re in a whole lot of trouble if we don’t get those boxes back and we’re trying our hardest here, please, won’t you just let us through?” He widened his eyes and poked his bottom lip out.

 

“Fine, go ahead,” the lunch lady said. “But I better not hear from you people again before I die.”

 

Brendon and Gabe gave her a somewhat concerned look, but took off behind the counter anyways, grabbing the (blessedly) unopened boxes that read WEDDING in big letters and leaving the school boxes. They tried to high five as they walked out of the cafeteria, but Gabe almost dropped his boxes again so they decided against it.

 

“To the wedding,” Brendon said as they got into the car.

 

“Yeah, and hopefully they don’t fucking murder our asses,” Gabe muttered glumly as he started it up. Brendon sent him a weird look, and he just said, “What? Rich people scare me.”

 

——

 

GABE: Look, back when I worked at Starbucks, one time some old rich white lady yelled at me for ten minutes because I spelled her name as Jenny instead of Ginny. How the fuck was I supposed to know? I swore to myself if she ever came in again I’d spell her name as fucking Ginasythne. Come at me, bro.

 

——

 

When Gerard came back to his desk after a quick bathroom break, he was confused to see a piece of yellow paper resting on it, the kind that only Frank had access to on account of his being a receptionist (even if he didn’t actually fulfill any of the duties). On the paper was a crude drawing of what he assumed to be him and Frank sharing earphones with musical notes above them, the lyrics to _Dammit_ scrawled above them. At the bottom of the paper, Frank had written _I’d listen to Dude Ranch for you. (And maybe it’s not all that bad. Maybe. Still doesn’t compare to Self-Titled though.)_

 

Gerard grinned, folding the paper carefully and placing it in his pocket. He stood up from his desk and walked back over to Frank’s receptionist desk. “So, another important question. Green Day, man. I’ve gotta know your favorite Green Day album…”

 

——

 

“You were supposed to be here two hours ago,” snapped the client once Brendon and Gabe finally got to his house.

 

Gabe suppressed a yawn somewhat unsuccessfully and said, “Uh, sorry, sir. Technical difficulties.”

 

“How can you have technical difficulties over such a simple delivery?” the man questioned. “Ugh. No matter. At least you’ve finally gotten here, and the wedding isn’t until tomorrow so it’s all right. Just put the boxes over there.”

 

Staring at each other in surprise, Brendon and Gabe took the boxes over to where the man had pointed and quickly returned to the man. “So… you’re not going to tell our boss?” Brendon asked incredulously.

 

“Why, do you want me to?” the man asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“No, of course not!” Gabe said quickly, elbowing Brendon in the ribs and making Brendon yelp. “But, uh, now, about payment…”

 

“I should get a discount,” the man demanded. “Since you were so unprofessionally late.”

 

“1%,” Gabe said, folding his arms.

 

“5%.”

 

“2%.”

 

“I’ll take it,” the man said. “Pleasure doing business with you.”

 

After he wrote them a check, Gabe and Brendon quickly exited the building. Brendon just said, “Well, all things considering, I personally feel like that wasn’t too much of a disaster. Besides, Gerard would’ve given him a 10% discount for no reason. Pete should be damn grateful.”

 

“Hell yeah,” Gabe said, high-fiving him.

 

——

 

PETE: Well, I asked Gabe and Brendon why they’re 2 hours late getting back. They’re claiming they got lost. The place is literally fifteen minutes away. And then they claimed they bought a celebratory pizza. _(sighing)_ They fucked up somehow. But I mean, I was kind of expecting it, so no big loss. And they got most of the money, so… whatever works, man. Whatever works. _(grins)_ I love and hate this place all at the same time.

 

——

 

"Gabe, holy shit, I missed you," William yelled, throwing himself at Gabe as soon as Gabe walked in the doors. 

 

"Where's my welcoming committee?" Brendon complained.

 

"Hi," Dallon said. Hayley gave him a half-hearted wave.

 

Brendon frowned. "I deserve better." He looked longingly over at Ryan, who was pretending not to have noticed that he had walked in.

 

Gabe, who still had his arm tucked around William, glanced over at Frank and Gerard, who were sitting together at the receptionist's table. "Those two...?"

 

"They're bonding," William said, smirking. 

 

"And Ray and Pete know they're getting no work done?" Brendon asked.

 

"When does anyone in this office get work done?" William countered.

 

Brendon considered this for a second. "Point."

 

Gabe kissed the top of William's head. "C'mon,  _querido_ , let's go not do work in the bathroom."

 

"You realize other people use those bathrooms," Mikey said from his place over at the Accounting table, wrinkling up his nose.

 

"Not anymore," Ryan muttered. "I'll be taking my business outside." 

 

Brendon just laughed and walked over to Ryan's table. "You know, you're really funny, Ryan," Brendon said, fluttering his eyelashes.

 

 

Lindsey sighed. "Should I try and stop him?"

 

"Just let him crash and burn," Josh said, sighing. "Ryan's a strong, independent man. He'll tell him off if he wants him to leave."

 

Lindsey glanced over to where Ryan was trying to pretend he wasn't pleased. She nodded thoughtfully. "You know, Dun, you've got a point. I think he kind of likes the attention."

 

Josh just shrugged, smiling meaningfully. "People aren't always so straightforward, my friend. It's just the way of life."

 

——

 

RYAN: Shut up. It's not like that. He's... he's growing on me, a little bit. But that doesn't mean shit. So fuck off with all of your assumptions.  _(trying not to smile again)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thank you all so much for your lovely comments! Please keep them up so I can keep updating :) I love hearing what you guys think and like and dislike! This chapter, again, isn't my best, but ah well, I hope you enjoy at least a little anyways. School's killing me but I'm trying to write anyways.
> 
> Also, I don't have any strong opinions about Blink-182 albums. I like Self-Titled, but I'm not like, that adamant that it's the best album. Let's just say for the purposes of this story that Frank and Gerard are, though.


	9. This Is Our Office On Holiday! (Part 1)

“Great news!” Pete said as he strutted into the room. Almost at once, everyone in the room glanced up at him, and then went right back to what they were doing. Pete groaned loudly and dramatically. “Guys, this is really good shit.”

 

——

 

JOSH: Last time Pete said he had great news, he had a huge order that had to be shipped to like, China or somewhere, and we had a ‘party’ overnight to get it all shipped out. I’m pretty sure it was illegal. Plus, the party food consisted of 3 pizzas and a bottle of Coke. Not even a liter bottle of Coke. Like, the 20 ounce kind that you get from the vending machine. _(rolling eyes)_

 

——

 

Patrick, the only one in the office that would even sometimes play along, sighed and turned to Pete. “Okay, I’ll bite. What’s the great news?”

 

“Well…” Pete said, glancing around like he was waiting for someone to do a drum roll. No one did. He sighed. “Okay, so we’re going on an office retreat. I rented out this campground-type place with a few cabins. It’s got a pool, a volleyball court, a campfire, all kinds of shit. It’ll be fun. And yes, before you ask, it’s mandatory.”

 

“Mandatory how? Like, what happens if we don’t go?” Ryan asked.

 

Pete glared at him. “Well, nothing really. But you’ll get paid overtime for every hour you’re at the retreat, so…”

 

“I’ll be there,” Ryan said immediately.

 

“Pete, I’m impressed,” Gerard said, eyebrows raised. “Usually when you say you have great news, it’s not really great news. But this sounds pretty good.”

 

“Wait…” Brendon said, trailing off. “You said cabins, right? Cabins, like the pioneers lived in back in the day? What kind of resources do these cabins have? Do they have even have electricity?”

 

“Uh… no,” Pete said, somewhat sheepishly. “It’s supposed to be, like, a throwback to the old days. No electricity. They have running water and toilets, though, if that helps? But yeah, no outlets.” When everyone in the office groaned in unison, Pete narrowed his eyes. “It’s only for one night, you guys! And then you can go back to your lives of luxury.”

 

“Pete, you sign our paychecks,” Lindsey said, raising an eyebrow. “You know very well none of us are exactly living in the lap of luxury.”

 

“You probably have the most luxurious life of all of us,” Joe pointed out.

 

Pete pointedly ignored this. “Anyways, we’re leaving this Friday and we’ll be there till Saturday, so cancel all your weekend plans, pack your bags, and get ready for some good old-fashioned bonding!”

 

“Bondage?” Gabe asked, his face suddenly lighting up.

 

“No, Gabe,” William said patiently from where he was positioned on Gabe’s lap. “…not with the rest of the office, at least.”

 

“When the hell did William get on Gabe’s lap?” Ray barked from the HR table. “Do those two have secret rule-breaking teleportation powers?”

 

“You’re just unobservant,” Mikey said calmly.

 

“Anyways,” Tyler interrupted. “I’m excited to disconnect myself from the entanglement of modern-day technological advances and thrust myself back in time, to a simpler time when all that mattered was tangible and palpable.”

 

Everyone just stared blankly at Tyler. Gabe just snickered. When people’s blank stares turned to him, he said, “Tyler said thrust.”

 

Mikey stared at Gabe in disbelief. Jamia raised her hand. “Uh, can I request to not be in a cabin with Tyler? No offense, but, uh…”

 

“Seconded,” Frank piped up.

 

“Thirded,” Andy said gruffly, and almost everyone else in the office nodded along.

 

“I’ll be in a cabin with him, you mean people,” Josh said, crossing his arms.

 

“We’ll figure it out,” Pete said, flapping his hand carelessly. “Don’t worry about it till then. Just get excited!”

 

“Excited to go back to the 19th century,” Brendon grumbled.

 

“More like 18th,” William said. “In the 19th century, they had fucking electricity.”

 

——

 

RAY: Much like Pete’s party, this ‘retreat’ seems like a hotbed for HR disasters. People hooking up, people getting into fights, sexual harassment, people getting hurt, something catching on fire like we’re in the fucking Sims - you name it, it could happen. Unfortunately, corporate encourages ‘team-building activities’ such as retreats, so there’s nothing I can do besides grudgingly accept it. Oh, and recruit Dallon to join my surveillance squad. William’s gone too far to the dark side - though if Gabe gets him in any more trouble I’ll kick his actual _ass_ \- and Tyler seems like he likes the idea way too much.

 

——

 

“Good morning!” Pete said as all of the office workers boarded the bus, one by one.

 

Mikey groaned. “Pete, it’s 7 AM. How in the fucking world do you have this much energy already?”

 

“Coffee and excitement,” Pete said, grinning. “This is gonna be fun!”

 

“I call not sitting next to Pete,” Patrick said as he boarded the bus. When Pete frowned at him, Patrick simply said, “Any other time, sure. Just not at 7 AM when you’re all hyped on caffeine and I desperately want a nap.”

 

Pete turned hopefully to Mikey, who said, “I promised Gee I’d sit next to him.” Frank’s face immediately fell, though he tried to cover it up by turning to Jamia, who just sighed and patted the seat beside her. William and Gabe were already seated near the back of the bus, William’s head on Gabe’s shoulder, Gabe’s arm around William’s shoulders and hand on his waist, rubbing in small circles. Ray seated himself across from them, glaring at them, and then flagged down Dallon to sit beside him.

 

“We’ve got to keep an eye on them,” Ray said, motioning over to the two boys seated across from them.

 

“No offense,” Dallon said, “but I’m not really into watching male giraffes mate.”

 

“It’s your job,” Ray protested. “And I mean, you don’t have to watch, but you do have to stop them.”

 

“I thought I was technically tech support,” Dallon said, looking even more confused.

 

“Well, support me then,” Ray grumbled.

 

Almost as if in apology, Mikey and Gerard sat across from Frank and Jamia. Gerard took the aisle seat so he could lean across to tell Frank all about the comics he’d brought, and Frank’s face just lit up. Jamia and Mikey exchanged a knowing look.

 

Tyler dragged a tired-looking Josh onto the bus, talking about how cleansing the time away from technology would be for his soul. Josh just bundled himself up in his hoodie and put his head against the window, dozing off a little as Tyler finally stopped talking and whipped out a book. Brendon came next, Ryan behind him looking pissed as Brendon whined about how his phone was going to die and he wouldn’t be able to go live on Instagram, which he did every fucking night, thank you. Next came Joe and Andy, moving in relative silence except for Andy chirpily remarking that this was going to be a very healthy and positive weekend for everyone. Lindsey slid in beside Patrick and stuck her tongue out at Hayley, since that meant the only seat left was next to Pete. Hayley groaned loudly.

 

“Is something wrong with me?” Pete asked, offended.

 

Hayley bit her tongue. “No, Pete. Of course not. I was just hoping to sit next to my dear friend Patrick.”

 

“Oh, well there’s always next time,” Pete said, beaming. “Anyways, I’m honestly really excited for beach volleyball this weekend. I feel like it’ll help us all to get to know each other better and trust each other more. Did you ever play volleyball? I did in college a little bit, and…”

 

“The bus driver’s gonna fucking hate us,” William muttered into Gabe’s shoulder.

 

Gabe just gave a throaty laugh in response. “Bet you $50 Brendon’ll break out in some goddamn camp song before the bus driver’s over.”

 

“No way I’m taking that bet,” William responded. “It’s gonna happen. Probably in the next ten minutes.”

 

Sure enough, less than ten minutes later, Brendon finished his tantrum about having to go on the trip in the first place and started to sing the Campfire Song from SpongeBob, causing Pete to join in and Ryan to complain very vocally. William just laughed and buried his head deeper into Gabe’s shoulder. “Think I can suffocate myself here?”

 

“I’ll kill you if you do,” Gabe said cheerily, kissing the top of William’s head.

 

——

 

RYAN: I’m doing this for the money. I’m doing this for the money. I’m doing this for the… _(Brendon singing in the background, Ryan sighing)_ Fuck. I swear I’m gonna kill that kid one of these days. _(Brendon calling to Ryan to come back in the background, Ryan half-smiling)_ Maybe.

 

——

 

Pete clapped as his employees filed off of the bus, all of them looking even grumpier than when they’d gotten on the bus. “Okay, so there are four cabins, five beds each, so we’ll have a couple of extra.”

 

“Bill and I will only need one,” Gabe announced.

 

Ray’s eyebrows practically shot up to his forehead. “You… what?!…. no, no, no, that is _definitely_ not happening.” Gabe just smirked and Ray continued sputtering.

 

Pete grinned. “Well, that works out well, because Cabin 1 is Gabe, William, Ray, Joe, and Dallon.”

 

“Evil,” Mikey said appreciatively.

 

Ray and Gabe locked eyes, a look of challenge upon both of their faces. Joe looked annoyed, probably because he couldn’t smoke if Ray was watching him. William just sighed, linking his fingers with Gabe’s. “Dallon and I will try to keep them under control, I guess,” he said, though there was a little spark of mischief in his eyes.

 

“Cabin 2,” Pete continued, “is me, Patrick, Mikey, Gerard, and Frank.”

 

Gerard beamed over at Frank, who looked equally as pleased. Patrick glanced over at Mikey, a look of displeasure on his face, before he smiled at Pete. “Sounds good.”

 

“Cabin 3 is Hayley, Lindsey, and Jamia,” Pete said.

 

Jamia quirked an eyebrow up at him. “So you put all the women in one cabin.”

 

“…yes?” Pete replied.

 

Jamia shrugged. “Works for me.”

 

“And finally,” Pete said, “Cabin 4 is Tyler, Josh, Ryan, Brendon, and Andy.”

 

Tyler and Josh high-fived, but their high-five quickly devolved into a convoluted handshake. Ryan glanced at them in horror, and then turned to Pete. “Can I request a cabin change?”

 

“No,” Pete said.

 

“This is a nightmare,” Ryan said glumly. “I’m going to get murdered in my sleep. Either by Tyler or by Brendon’s obnoxious songs.”

 

“You love my songs,” Brendon said, sounding gleeful, and Ryan just stared at him.

 

——

 

RYAN: What the hell did I do to make Pete hate me so much.

 

——

 

“Okay,” Gabe said as he marched into the cabin, grinning from ear to ear. “So Bill and I will be sleeping on this bed.”

 

“You will not,” Ray said.

 

“We’re two conducting adults, Ray,” Gabe said firmly.

 

“Consenting,” William interjected, looking as though he was trying very hard not to laugh.

 

“It’s inappropriate!” Ray argued.

 

“It’s just sleeping,” Gabe said. “I swear to you, we won’t fuck or do anything that would offend your delicate sensibilities. At least, not while you're in the room. But you can’t exactly forbid us from literally just fucking sleeping next to each other.”

 

Ray clearly realized that he was fighting a losing battle, because he sighed, said, “Fine, but I better not hear anything out of you two tonight.” He turned his attention to Joe, who just smiled lazily at him.

 

“Relax, Toro,” Joe said. “I’m gonna go get high off of nature, yeah? Go inhale some daisies or some shit.” He threw his bag on an empty bunk and walked back outside.

 

Ray glanced at Dallon, who raised his eyebrows, and then darted out the door after Joe. “Joe! You cannot smoke daisies at a work _retreat!”_ Laughing a little, Dallon followed him.

 

Gabe just grinned over at William. “Now that they’re all gone, _querido_ , what do you say we christen this bunk?”

 

William positioned himself on Gabe’s lap. “We gotta make this quick, though, or Ray won’t leave us alone for the rest of the trip.”

 

Gabe nodded, pressing his lips to William’s and wrapping one arm around his boyfriend's back, pulling their bodies together. Seeming to remember something, he pulled away and glanced at the camera. “Unless you want to make a sex tape, I’d get the fuck out of here.”

 

——

 

DALLON: I’m pretty sure all this trip is going to do is make us hate each other more. But who knows, sometimes hate leads to love, or something like that. But also Ray might have a heart attack by the time we get out of here. So, uh, that'd be a bad thing.

 

——

 

“Welcome to paradise,” Brendon muttered angrily, throwing his bag down on one of the bunks in the cabin.

 

Ryan stared at the camera, and then at Brendon. “You… you were literally happy and singing and shit like, five minutes ago.”

 

“Then I remembered that these damn cabins don’t even have fucking electricity,” Brendon said, sitting down beside his bag on his bunk. “My phone’s already at 20% from the bus ride. Soon I’m going to be phone-less. Like, what’s the point of going on a trip if you can’t even fucking Snapchat it?”

 

——

 

ANDY: Part of me wants to remind him that portable chargers are a thing. The rest of me… well, this is too damn funny to pass up. Besides, I think it’ll be good for Brendon to detox from his phone for a day.

 

——

 

“It’s literally one day,” Ryan reminded Brendon.

 

Brendon sighed. “But.. Snapchat. My followers. My adoring public!" He ran a hand through his hair, and then just frowned. "Yeah, I guess you’re right. Come on, Ry, let’s go explore the outdoors.” He hooked his elbow through Ryan’s before Ryan could protest and dragged the both of them out the door.

 

Josh glanced over at Tyler. “Wanna go explore?”

 

“I’m always up for a deeper exploration into the natural world we inhabit,” Tyler said seriously, but he gave a little smile. “Let’s go.”

 

Sighing, Andy sat down on his bed. He glanced up at the camera. “I really need to find a semi-gay best friend.”

 

——

 

HAYLEY: Honestly, our cabin is great. We all have a ton of space, our cabin’s fairly quiet, and there’s no drama at all. We don’t have Brendon performing a medley of SpongeBob songs or Pete harassing Mikey or Gabe and William being all gross and PDA-y. Really, it’s paradise. Sometimes being a woman in a male-dominated office really fucking pays off.

 

——

 

Frank slid onto Gerard’s bunk. “Dude, we’re right next to each other. We can tell fucking scary stories all night and pretend we’re ten years old again. It’ll be great.”

 

Gerard nodded, an absent look on his face. “Yeah, sounds great, Frankie.”

 

A look of confusion made its way onto Frank’s face. He bounced a little, unsure of what to say. “Uh, is something wrong, Gee?’

 

“What?” Gerard said, blinking rapidly. “Oh, yeah, uh, everything’s fine. Look, I need to… I’m gonna talk to Mikey really quickly. Alone. Uh. Yeah. I’ll see you soon. Tonight, I mean.” He gave Frank a half-nervous, half-apologetic smile, leaving a confused and somewhat upset Frank in his wake.

 

Pete and Mikey were both holed up on Mikey’s bunk, Pete scrolling through his phone that somehow still magically had almost full battery and pointing out his favorite songs to Mikey. Patrick was sitting on the top bunk beside them, staring at them with an almost wistful expression on his face. Sighing, Gerard sunk down at the edge of Mikey’s bunk. “Mikes, can I talk to you for a second?”

 

“Sure, what’s up?” Mikey said, leaning forward.

 

“I mean, uh, outside,” Gerard said.

 

Mikey glanced over at Pete and shrugged apologetically. “No, I get it,” Pete said. “Brotherly bonding time. Just remember we’ve all gotta be at lunch at 12, yeah? And then after that we have a bunch of office bonding activities. See ya later, Mikey.”

 

“Later,” Mikey said with a nod. Once he and Gerard got outside, he gave Gerard a confused stare. “So, you gonna tell me what the hell’s going on?”

 

“I - I like Frank,” Gerard stammered out.

 

Mikey just nodded. “Yeah, so?”

 

“You act like you already knew,” Gerard said, eyes huge.

 

“I’ve known you my entire life,” Mikey said. “Of course I figured it out. Why are you just now having a crisis about it, though?”

 

“Because I want to tell him, I think,” Gerard said nervously. “I mean, it’s about time, right? I feel like we’ve been dancing around each other for so long now, and Gabe and Bill seem so happy, and I want a piece of that happiness too, and -“

 

Mikey cut him off. “Tell him.”

 

“You think I should?” Gerard said, his eyes lighting up. “But what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

 

Laughing, Mikey shook his head. “He’s been head over heels for you for as long as you’ve been working together. Trust me, he feels the same way.”

  
With a sigh, Gerard finally smiled back. “Okay. Okay, I’m gonna do it. Thanks, Mikey.” He pulled his younger brother in for a hug.

 

“You got this,” Mikey said into Gerard’s shoulder. Gerard kind of believed it.

 

Gerard pulled back from the hug, still smiling, and asked, “So, you and Pete?”

 

“He’s not half bad when he’s not in manager mode,” Mikey said, shrugging. "But we're just friends. For real."

 

——

 

MIKEY: Gerard and Frank will be cute, I’m sure. _(mumbling off-screen)_ Me? I’m fine being single right now. I mean, if something happens, then I’ll let it happen. Until then, I’m content being single. _(half-smiling)_

 

——

 

At lunch, Pete encouraged mingling, sitting with different people than they usually sat with. He looked pointedly at Gabe and William, but almost as if they were one entity, they refused to separate and instead claimed a table with Mikey, Ryan, and Patrick. He sighed and sat down beside Ray, who looked warily at him. Gerard sat down on the other side of Ray and put his head in his hands. Ray patted his back. “Boy problems?”

 

“Little bit,” Gerard said gloomily. “But… it’ll be okay, soon. Or it won’t.”

 

Ray just lifted a brow at Gerard’s vagueness. Gerard looked off into the distance, to where Frank was sitting with Dallon, Jamia, Hayley, Josh, and Tyler. Brendon sat down at their table and grinned. “Someone’s pining.”

 

“Pining?” Pete said, bouncing a little in his chair. He followed Gerard’s gaze and then gasped loudly. “You have a thing for _Dallon?”_

 

Gerard nearly spit out the milk he was drinking. Shaking his head frantically, he said, “What the fuck, no, Pete, no.He’s straight, for one, and we’re also not even friends, really, and I’m not - he’s not my type.”

 

Pete just lifted his eyebrow. “Okay, okay.” He glanced back over at the table Dallon was seated at and laughed. “Oh, shit, you meant Frank. I should’ve known.”

 

Brendon rolled his eyes. “You don’t say.”

 

Meanwhile, over at the mega-table, Jamia was nudging Frank in the ribs. “Gerard’s staring at you.”

 

“Holy shit, did I get in a fucking time machine and travel back to middle school?” Frank replied, pretending to be shocked.

 

Jamia ignored him. “He’s into you. Call it a sixth sense.”

 

“Isn’t that the movie where the kid sees dead people?” Dallon said, eyes wide.

 

“Spoiler alert,” Tyler huffed.

 

Josh raised an eyebrow at him. “You’ve seen the movie.”

 

“Well, you must consider the feelings of all involved in the conversation,” Tyler said, frowning.

 

“I think everyone’s at least heard the quote _I see dead people,”_ Hayley said. “And if you haven’t, go watch the movie immediately. It made me cry.”

 

“You’re all distracting from the main point,” Jamia grumbled. “You need to talk to Gerard. Tell him how you feel.”

 

“I’ll think about it,” Frank said stubbornly. “Now, uh, let’s talk about… Dallon’s new haircut. I think it looks pretty, um, decent.”

 

“I didn’t even think anyone noticed,” Dallon said, smiling. “Thanks. I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 

At the third table, Mikey was frowning. “Thank you for the generous offer, Gabe, but I’m really not interested in a threesome.”

 

Patrick snorted. “If Ray were here, he’d be having a fucking heart attack about right now.”

 

“It’s a form of bonding!” Gabe protested.

 

“For the record, Gabe’s boyfriend is also not interested in a threesome,” William chimed in.

 

“You’re Gabe’s boyfriend,” Gabe said, frowning.

 

Mikey lowered his head into his hands. William just smiled fondly and shook his head. “Gabey baby, what I’m getting at here… we’re not having a threesome. You can have a twosome with Mikey, but at that point it’d just be cheating.”

 

“Mikey doesn’t agree to a twosome,” Mikey muttered.

 

“Looks like I’m your only option. Sorry, Gabanti,” William said, sticking out his tongue at his boyfriend, who just shrugged and wrapped his arm around William’s shoulders, kissing him lightly on the cheek.

 

Ryan just shuddered. “Ugh, couples. Affection. I knew I chose the wrong table to sit at.”

 

“Brendon wouldn’t be happy to hear you say that,” Mikey said under his breath. Almost immediately, Gabe burst out laughing, which made Ryan scowl.

 

“Brendon and I are not a thing,” Ryan protested.

 

“Does Brendon know that?” Patrick said, gesturing at where Brendon was sitting at the table just a few away, staring at Ryan with wide eyes.

 

For a few seconds, Ryan was completely silent. Then he quickly lowered his head down to the table, causing a loud thud to echo through the room and everyone in the room to turn and stare at them.

 

Joe sighed and looked over at Andy. “We really need to get new jobs.”

 

——

 

RYAN: Okay, no fucking way is Brendon into me. Like, sure, he’s gay, I’m gay, but that doesn’t mean anything. By that logic, I should be into like, Pete too. And yeah, we hang out together a lot, and yeah, he’s always talking to me and asking my opinion on stuff and wanting to hang out together and… oh. Wow. Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi yes sorry for the long period of time in between chapters!! I've been writing this one, which was a whammy because it's a two-parter. Good news, though, I should have the next part up literally within the next few days!  
> Leave a comment and let me know what you think and I'll try to put the next part up faster!  
> Plus, there may or may not be serious Frerard next chapter.


	10. This Is Our Office On Holiday! (Part 2)

“Okay,” Pete said, clapping his hands. “Bonding game time. Here, Patrick, can you help me out? Just put these Post-It notes on everyone’s forehead. And please don’t anyone look at what’s on the one that’s on your forehead or you will fucking ruin the game. Also don’t tell anyone what’s on their Post-It. Looking at you, Dallon.”

 

Obediently, Patrick took the Post-It notes and started placing them on people’s forehead. Gabe glanced over at what was written on William’s and burst out laughing, which made William scowl at him. Dallon glanced over at Gerard’s and almost opened his mouth, but Ray quickly swooped in with a glare and Dallon immediately closed his mouth.

 

“Okay, so the objective of the game is to talk to the person like they’re the person on their Post-It, and then they figure out who they are,” Pete said, clapping again excitedly. “It’ll be fucking fun, okay. Now, go for it.”

 

Gabe beamed at William. “Hey, I love your hit song _Baby_.”

 

“Don’t fucking tell me,” William griped.

 

“I masturbate to your song _Boyfriend_ every night,” Gabe continued.

 

“Justin Bieber has some quality jams, all right?” William said, ripping his Post-It note off his forehead. “This game is too easy. Uh, you’re literally not a human.”

 

“Is it because I’m inhumanly good-looking?” Gabe asked, batting his eyelashes.

 

“No, it’s because you’re a sponge,” William said.

 

“That’s definitely cheating,” Ray interjected.

 

William just shook his head, said “Not with him,” and gestured to Gabe, who still looked confused.

 

“I need another hint,” Gabe complained.

 

“You’re not getting one,” William said, crossing his arms in faux exasperation. Turning to Ray, William said, “Your voice is like a sound orgasm.”

 

“I masturbate to your voice,” Gabe chimed in.

 

Ray groaned. “So inappropriate.”

 

Gabe and William just grinned at each other, the two oversized partners in crime, but Ray just scowled at them. “You two are just oversized children.”

 

“You’re the lead singer of my current favorite band,” Frank told Gerard as they leaned against the wall, hiding away from the rest of the group.

 

“Billy Corgan?” Gerard asked.

 

“Fuck, you’re good,” Frank said. “My music taste changes so damn often, man. I don’t know how you can keep up with it.”

 

“I manage,” Gerard said, shrugging. “Our tastes are similar, so it’s not really that hard. Uh, you’re… holy shit, you’re an ogre.”

 

“Tell me I’m not fucking Shrek,” Frank said, shrinking down onto the floor.

 

Gerard patted Frank’s head sympathetically. “I can’t tell you that.” He quickly withdrew his hand, though, realizing that it might seem kind of weird or even like a flirtation, which he hadn’t intended it to be. When Frank just lifted an eyebrow at him, he quickly said, “Uh, I’m gonna go see what Mikey has see you later bye,” and immediately darted off in the other direction, leaving Frank leaning against the wall by himself.

 

“He’s stupid,” Brendon said, positioning himself beside Frank.

 

Frank stared at him. “You… uh, wow, Bren. Honestly never thought I’d see the day you’d call someone else stupid.”

 

“Stupid knows how stupid works,” Brendon said knowledgeably, then just laughed. “He’ll get there.”

 

——

 

FRANK: Okay, so tell me why the fuck everyone’s speaking in like, code or some shit around me, and why Gerard’s acting like a complete weirdo who totally hates me, and why Mikey keeps looking at me like he thinks I might spontaneously explode. Like, please tell me. This trip is so damn weird.

 

——

 

Much to Pete’s annoyance, Frank had decided to skip the beach volleyball game that Pete insisted would “build team relationships”. No one in the office was exactly sure how, given that Hayley was the only person in the office who’d ever actually played volleyball before and 90% of the game consisted of Gabe standing at the net and tapping the ball back over, but he seemed adamant that people should go. Nothing was worth the torture of being the shortest person on the team, Frank decided, and so he hid away in his cabin. He sat on the edge of the bed, feet tapping against the side, and pulled out his phone. 2%. Fantastic, he thought grimly to himself, and laid out on the bed, just staring out into space.

 

Thankfully, after only a few minutes of Frank’s kind of meditation, Gerard walked into the cabin. “Hey, Frankie,” he said softly, sitting down on Frank’s bed beside him. “I was kinda hoping you’d be here.”

 

Noticing the sand in Gerard’s hair - and all over his clothes - Frank gave a small laugh. “Did you actually go play fuckin’ beach volleyball?”

 

Gerard frowned. “Pete told me I was fired if I didn’t play! What was I supposed to do, huh?”

 

“Not listen to him?” Frank said. “He’s threatened to fire me every day for the past few months. Unfortunately for him I’m irreplaceable, so I do what I want.”

 

Gerard laughed again, then fell silent. Frank stared at him. “So, uh… you gonna tell me what the hell is going on?”

 

“Nothing! Nothing’s going on,” Gerard said quickly. Frank kept staring at him, his eyes questioning and a little bit hurt, and Gerard sighed. “Okay, okay. Fuck, I need to stop being such a fucking chicken. It’s just… there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

 

“So talk?” Frank said, giving him a reassuring smile. “You know I’m here for you, Gee. You can talk to me about anything.”

 

“What if you hate me after I tell you?” Gerard said. “Fuck, I sound like a kid all over again, but… I don’t want anything to screw up our friendship.”

 

Frank shook his head. “There is nothing you could do right now to screw up our friendship. Unless you’re bringing up the whole Blink argument again. Oh, or you’re trying to tell me that New Jersey is anything less than fuckin’ paradise.”

 

Gerard pursed his lips skeptically, then gave another short laugh. “Okay, fine, fine. It’s just… I think I like you.”

 

“I like you too?” Frank said.

 

Gerard sighed again, running his hands through his hair. “Uh, that’s good to hear, but it’s kind of… not what I meant? I mean like, holy fuck, I mean that… I like you. Like, in a gay way.”

 

Frank bit his lip, his mouth turned up into a smile, clearly trying not to laugh. “Gerard Way, please tell me you did not just fuckin’ say ‘in a gay way’ when trying to tell me you’re into me.”

 

Gerard turned red, hiding his eyes from Frank. “I’m trying my best here, all right. So, uh… is that a yes or…?”

 

“Damn, you are oblivious,” Frank said, sounding impressed. He moved in closer and, quickly, before Gerard could even react, he pressed his lips against Gerard’s and pulled back. “Man, I’ve had a crush on you for fuckin’ ages. Everyone knew and gave me shit about it. I was _sure_ you’d figured it out.”

 

“No way,” Gerard said, awkwardly wrapping an arm around Frank’s waist to pull him closer. “So, uh, is this a thing now, or?”

 

“Hell yes,” Frank said reverently. “Fair warning, though: you’re never gonna get rid of me.”

 

Gerard laughed. “I think I can live with that.”

 

——

 

FRANK: _(grinning)_ Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, how did I get so goddamn lucky?

 

GABE: _(from off-camera)_ The Cobra has looked favorably on you.

 

FRANK: _(looking at Gabe in confusion)_ What the fuck, Gabe? How did you even get in here? Get out, dude - this is _my_ session!

 

——

 

When Frank and Gerard arrived at dinner holding hands, Frank grinning like he’d won the lottery, almost no one was really shocked. Mikey patted Gerard on the back, then gave Frank a look that communicated that if Frank put one toe out of line with Gerard he wouldn’t hesitate to rip his balls off. Frank gulped and tried to grin back.

 

Pete grinned, walking over to clap both of them on the shoulders. “Well, this wasn’t really the kind of bonding I was talking about, but good on you both.”

 

“Great,” Ray muttered, and Dallon patted him on the back. “More couples to monitor for PDA.”

 

“Hey, you could’ve gotten three cabins, really,” Gabe said. “If I share with William, Gerard shares with Frank, and Ryan shares with Brendon, we could all fit.”

 

“I’m not dating Brendon,” Ryan snapped.

 

Everyone just looked at Ryan skeptically. In response, Ryan groaned and put his head in his arms.

 

Lindsey grinned over at Patrick. “You owe me fifty, my good pal Patty.”

 

“You couldn’t have waited one more month,” Patrick grumbled, sifting through his pockets.

 

“I should be pissed that those fuckers bet on how long it’d take me and Gee to get together,” Frank said, shooting Lindsey and Patrick a quick glare. “But, y’know, I’m in a good mood, so I’ll let it go for now.”

 

“Speaking of betting on Frank and Gerard, Dallon, you owe me thirty,” Joe said.

 

“Gabe, you owe me twenty,” William pointed out.

 

“Hayley owes me twenty too,” Andy said.

 

Frank groaned. “Okay, now I’m a little pissed.”

 

——

 

ANDY: Look, sometimes, working here, you have to make your own entertainment. And your own cash. So sometimes we make little bets about shit that happens in the office. Like, whether Gabe’s gonna lose his left shoe again - don’t ask - or whether Brendon’s gonna piss Ryan off again or whether Patrick’s going to get jealous of Pete and Mikey. And one of those bets happened to be when Frank and Gerard were going to get together. We all knew it was coming! It was easy money. _(grinning)_

 

——

 

“Our last bonding activity of the day is a pool party,” Pete said after they’d all finished dinner. “Get dressed and meet at the pool in thirty. And no, Gabe and William, you cannot skip the pool party and fuck in the cabins. I’ll send someone after you.”

 

“I have no shame,” Gabe said. “My ass is fantastic. And so’s Bill’s. They’ll get a free show.”

 

“I’ll send Tyler after you,” Pete clarified.

 

“No fucking fair,” Gabe said, scowling. Tyler just gave Gabe an ominous look.

 

At Gabe’s gulp of fear, Josh just laughed and slung an arm around Tyler’s shoulders. “I should take you everywhere with me, buddy. You’d make robbers pee their pants.”

 

Tyler smiled back at him. “Honestly, Gabe’s too easy. I’d love the challenge. It’d be a little bit of interest in the monotony that is this life.”

 

They all headed back to their cabins to change into their bathing suits and, upon returning to the pool, found that Pete had managed to hang some streamers and put up a sign that said “CONGRATS ON THE SEX, FRERARD”, much to the confusion of the two families that were already swimming in the pool. Gabe pouted once he saw the sign. “No fair, Bill and I didn’t get a party.”

 

“You guys had basically been dating for years before that,” Mikey told him. “It wasn’t exactly very exciting.”

 

“I’ll show you exciting,” Gabe retorted.

 

William grabbed him around the waist. “You’re _not_ skinny dipping, Gabriel.”

 

“We’re skinny dipping?” Frank said, his eyes lighting up.

 

“We are definitely not skinny dipping!” Ray said as he walked up. “Do you not see the children in the pool?”

 

“So if the children weren’t here, we could skinny dip?” Gabe asked.

 

“No!” Ray said frantically. “No one is skinny dipping right now or when the children leave or ever, actually. No nudity allowed.”

 

“Is partial nudity allowed?” Andy asked.

 

“Only if you take off only your top to swim,” Ray said.

 

“What if the girls take off their tops to swim?” Brendon asked.

 

“No!” Ray yelped.

 

“That’s sexist,” Jamia said dryly, smirking over at the other two girls.

 

Ray groaned. “Fuck’s sake. Just go swim, okay?”

 

Everyone just laughed and headed off towards the pool, which was really too small to host the entire office and the two families who were there and were none too happy with the language the office workers were using. Ryan hesitated, sitting down by the edge of pool in a chair by himself. Almost immediately, Brendon noticed, jumped out of the pool, and headed over to sit down beside him.

 

“What’s up, RyRo?” Brendon asked.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Ryan replied dryly.

 

“You don’t want to swim?” Brendon inquired, ignoring him.

 

“I… I’m not a huge fan of swimming,” Ryan admitted. “I’m always afraid of going under and, you know, not coming up. It’s a dumb fear, but… whatever. Don’t tell anyone or I’ll have to kill you.”

 

Brendon smiled. “This pool is like, two feet deep. I swear. If Gabe sits down, his head would still be above water, I think. No way you could drown.”

 

Ryan eyed the water warily. “You never know.”

 

“I’ll be with you the whole time,” Brendon said. “If you start drowning, I’ll save you. Probably.”

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay, fine. But if I drown, know I’ll be haunting you for the rest of your damn life, Urie.”

 

“I think I’m okay with that,” Brendon said, linking his arm through Ryan’s. Ryan glanced over at him, feeling his heart jump a little bit in his chest. He wasn’t exactly used to being touched, especially by someone he was starting to consider a friend.

 

He pushed it out of his mind, though, as the two of them waded into the pool and Frank swam over to them to ask if they wanted to chicken fight. Brendon scrunched up his nose. “Is that like Gay Chicken?”

 

“No,” Frank said, grinning wickedly, “but if you wanna play that, I’m down.”

 

“It doesn’t count if you’re actually in a gay relationship,” Brendon complained.

 

“Does too,” Frank said. “I think you’re just scared of losing.”

 

Brendon objected to that, and then he and Frank started yelling about their previous Gay Chicken exploits, which led the families to leave, muttering under their breath about the ‘moral deterioration’ of today’s society. Ray wasn’t pleased. He was even less pleased when Brendon put on Drake and Gabe started grinding on William in the pool. His displeasure increased all the more when Gabe bragged about how he’d snuck vodka into the pool area, though that displeasure was relieved when Pete and William exchanged a concerned look and Pete, for once the responsible one, confiscated his ‘water bottle’. He was the least pleased when the campground employees came and kicked them out for debauchery.

 

“You know what they say,” Pete said cheerfully, “it’s not a party unless you get kicked out.”

 

“No one says that,” Hayley pointed out. “Probably because no one gets kicked out half as often as you do.”

 

Pete considered for a second. “Well, can’t argue with that logic.”

 

“It’s not a good thing to get kicked out of parties,” Patrick said, frowning.

 

“What’s with all the personal attacks on this bonding trip?” Pete complained.

 

——

 

RYAN: I don’t know. The more time I spend around Brendon I think people’s comments might have some merit. Like, he’s clearly into me, right? He’s always smiling at me, or looking at me, or saying nice things to me - and I don’t know how to deal with it. But like, I don’t want to believe it! He wouldn’t be so fucking stupid and fall for me despite everything I do to try to dissuade him, would he? And I wouldn’t be stupid enough to have feelings for him too… would I?

 

——

 

MIKEY: This bonding trip is simultaneously the best and the worst trip I have ever been on. At least other people’s drama is entertaining. Especially watching Ray chase the rest of the office around for being ‘inappropriate’. _(smirking)_

 

——

 

Nighttime rolled around. Gabe slid into bed beside William. William smiled and moved closer, putting his head on Gabe’s chest. He smiled even brighter when Gabe wrapped his arm around him and kissed the top of his head. Joe gagged. “This is too damn saccharine sweet. I think I’m gonna be sick.”

 

“Fuck off, Joe,” Gabe mumbled, but he was already dropping off into sleep.

 

“The lights aren’t even off and Ray’s still loudly blow-drying his afro in the bathroom,” Dallon said, sounding impressed. “How is he already asleep?”

 

William shrugged, trying not to disturb Gabe in the process. “It’s a talent. One time he slept through a literal earthquake. Another time he slept through a fire alarm. False alarm, thankfully - I burned a napkin - but kind of disturbing nonetheless.”

 

“Wait, hold up,” Joe said, sounding amused. “You burnt a napkin?”

 

William’s cheeks turned red. “Long story.”

 

In the cabin next door, Hayley, Lindsey, and Jamia were all sitting on Hayley’s bed. Hayley sighed. “What do girls do during these overnight trips? Paint their nails, braid their hair, exchange boy stories?”

 

“Half of the guys in this office are gay,” Jamia pointed out. “There’s not a lot of gossip there.”

 

“Over half,” Lindsey snorted.

 

“True,” Jamia said. “And besides, my hair would look fucking awful in a braid.”

 

Hayley pursed her lips, considering. “Oh shit, I brought Cards Against Humanity.”

 

“Now you’re talkin,” Lindsey said, her face breaking into a smile. “Warning though: I’m the best at this game.”

 

In the next cabin over, Tyler was sitting on the floor, his clothes arranged in a pentagon around him. Ryan sat on his bed, his eyebrows furrowed. “Is he - is he trying to summon a demon?”

 

“More like rid himself of one,” Josh said.

 

“In our fucking cabin?” Ryan asked, scandalized.

 

“Where else?” Tyler asked, not even opening his eyes.

 

“This is a horror movie waiting to happen,” Ryan groaned, laying back on his bed. “And I’m the most feminine, so I’m gonna die first.”

 

“Is that an actual horror movie stereotype?” Brendon asked.

 

“No, but it could be,” Ryan replied.

 

Tyler started humming then, filling up the whole room with his voice. Ryan hid under his covers, and Brendon quickly followed suit. Andy just rolled his eyes and walked into the bathroom. Tyler immediately opened his eyes again, shooting Josh a quick wink.

 

“They’re too easy, man,” Josh said quietly, ruffling Tyler’s short hair.

 

“I should go try to summon Bloody Mary in the bathroom,” Tyler snickered.

 

In the last cabin, Gerard and Frank were settling in - not in the same bed, though, Frank had declared that they didn’t want to move too fast and fuck everything up, but in beds across from each other so that they could see each other during the night. Mikey groaned and informed them that they were actually disgusting.

 

“I’m going for a walk to get out of the love fest,” Mikey said, rolling his eyes. “Sorry to leave you alone with this, Patrick.”

 

“I’m going to sleep soon anyways,” Patrick said, shrugging. “If you see Pete, tell him to stop fucking working on a retreat and come sleep soon, yeah?”

 

Mikey nodded and stepped out of the cabin. He walked for a little bit in silence, attempting to clear his head of all thoughts of all the romance in the office. After a few minutes of aimless wandering, he came upon a swing with a person on it. As he got closer, he realized that it looked a considerable amount like someone he knew. Confused, he asked, “Pete?”

 

Pete turned to look at him. Immediately, his face lit up. “Hey, Mikey.”

 

“What are you doing out here? Everyone’s going to sleep,” Mikey said.

 

“I’m kind of an insomniac,” Pete said with a shrug. “I could go in there and try to sleep, but I’m 99% sure I wouldn’t be sleeping for a couple of hours, at least. So may as well stay out here and do some thinking, yeah?”

 

“I guess that makes sense,” Mikey answered.

 

“Why are you here?” Pete asked. “You know, since everyone’s going to sleep and shit. Are you secretly a master wilderness explorer and you haven’t told me?”

 

“Gerard and Frank are being gross and romantic and it’s making me nauseous,” Mikey said matter-of-factly.

 

“Ah,” Pete said sympathetically. “Well, you’re more than welcome to come contemplate the futility of existence with me.”

 

“I’m not bothering you?” Mikey asked.

 

“Please,” Pete said, snorting. “I love hanging out with you, Mikeyway.”

 

Mikey gave him something resembling a smile in response. “You’re not half bad yourself, Wentz.”

 

Pete beamed.

 

——

 

PETE: Shut up. I swear if you say I’m whipped one more time… I just… Mikey’s cool, okay? Shut _up_!

 

——

 

In the morning, Pete forced them to play one last game involving making a human knot and then trying to get out of it, which was an epic disaster. They ended up making a height-segregated knot with the taller people on the outside, the medium-sized people on the inside, and the smallest people on the ground. Then Dallon stepped on Frank’s arm and William elbowed Ray in the nose and Pete finally stopped the game.

 

Breakfast came next, which consisted of bagels, toast, fruit, and about a million cups of coffee, mostly consumed by Gerard. Frank rolled his eyes affectionately. “Sometimes I think if Gee had to choose between coffee or me, he’d pick coffee.”

 

“You’ve been dating for one day,” Tyler pointed out. “How often had you been thinking about this before?”

 

Frank turned red and hid his face in his own cup of coffee.

 

On the ride home, Pete quickly claimed a seat beside Mikey, which made Patrick frown as he slumped down beside Lindsey. Lindsey sighed. “Back here again, are we?”

 

“Would you rather sit beside Brendon?” Patrick asked. “He’s had coffee, for the record. With sugar.”

 

Lindsey laughed. “I feel bad for Ryan.”

 

Ryan had put his headphones on almost immediately after sitting down next to Brendon, but even his supposedly soundproof headphones didn’t seem to be keeping out Brendon’s rendition of 99 bottles of beer - but starting out with 1000 bottles of beer. He was scowling and muttering something under his breath.

 

Gabe and William were sitting next to each other again. Somehow, Gabe had gotten a hold of Hayley’s hair ties, and was trying to flick them into Ray’s hair. Ray, who had dozed off, clearly did not notice. Dallon, beside Ray again, was just grinning and trying to flick them back at Gabe. Gerard was beside Frank, his head on Frank’s shoulder, and Frank, who was on his phone, looked supremely satisfied. Tyler was reading through an old looking book beside Josh, who was tapping out a drum rhythm on his own thigh. Jamia and Hayley were just glancing around, amused looks on their faces, and Andy and Joe were in a deep discussion about the best food places near the office.

 

Pete grinned over at Mikey. “I think this was a pretty successful trip.”

 

“Successful in making us even more dysfunctional,” Mikey said.

 

“Well, you can’t spell dysfunctional without fun, Mikeyway,” Pete pointed out.

 

Mikey shook his head, trying to hide the amused smile on his lips, and went back to perusing the Alternative Press magazine in his lap. Pete glanced over, pointing out the guys he’d totally bang, which made Mikey roll his eyes. And, for the standards of the office, all was well.

 

——

 

LINDSEY: It wasn’t the worst trip I’ve ever been on. Which means it greatly exceeded my expectations. Uh, good job, Pete, I guess? And plus, there was so much damn drama in a matter of twelve or so hours. I’m impressed. This office really _can_ do anything. _(grinning)_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I told you I'd hit you with another update soon, didn't I? So here's part 2 of the saga, and yes, Frerard finally got their shit together, can you believe it.   
> This is the halfway point of the story, which is completely wild. Thank you all for reading and commenting and leaving kudos. You all actually make my day! Please keep it up and I'll keep writing, because this story is a lot of fun.


	11. Thanks for the Memories, Even Though They Were That Gay

No one was all that surprised when they walked into the office near the end of November to see a turkey running around the office and Pete frantically running after it. Over the past year, Pete had made somewhat of a tradition of bringing birds in for different holidays. For the Super Bowl, he’d brought a chicken (“I swear one of the teams had a chicken as their mascot,” he insisted, and then figured out he’d mistaken an eagle as a chicken). For Valentine’s Day, he’d brought a dove and told them all it was cupid. The dove tried to use Joe’s hair as a nest. For Easter, he brought a goose and called it the Easter Goose. The goose was very mean and bit him multiple times. For the Fourth of July, he brought an eaglet, which was probably the most enjoyable of the birds except for that it was stolen (borrowed, Pete insisted) from a local bird sanctuary. Now, for Thanksgiving, it only made sense that he would bring in a turkey.

 

Mikey sighed, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You’d think you would’ve learned by now.”

 

Pete paused in his quest to catch the turkey. “The others weren’t big enough to run this fast! I feel like this little guy should be on the track team or some shit.”

 

“What was the point in bringing him here?” Ryan asked dryly, looking from the anxious turkey back to the equally anxious Pete. “Some sort of PETA-esque guilt trip for all the meat-eaters in the room?”

 

“No!” Pete said frantically, finally getting an arm around the turkey and trying to push him back into the wooden crate he’d brought the turkey in. “I just wanted to make today really festive. It’s my one shot at a good Thanksgiving this year.”

 

“It’s only Wednesday,” Lindsey pointed out. “You’ve still got tomorrow.”

 

“Well,” Pete said, shutting the crate, “uh, not exactly.”

 

Patrick raised his eyebrow and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder in concern. “…what do you mean?”

 

“Well, my parents are great, y’know, but, uh, my extended family… not so much,” Pete said, sitting down on the arm of Gerard’s chair. Gerard raised an eyebrow, looking as though he was going to say something, but Mikey glared at him and he kept his mouth shut. “Um, my parents, they want to spend Thanksgiving with all of my family, of course, but my extended family vetoed the gay black sheep son being there. So… today’s my Thanksgiving.”

 

The office plunged into silence for a few seconds, everyone processing this information. Then Gabe’s sharp voice cut through the silence. “Fuck that,” he said, scowling from ear to ear. “Fuck them, and fuck every other family that’s not supportive of their kids. And actually, this transitions really well into what Bill and I were going to announce. We’re having a Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night at our place. Anyone whose families aren’t supportive are welcome to join us. And even if your families are supportive, if you wanna stop by for dessert or whatever… you’re welcome.”

 

Pete turned to look at Gabe, completely silent for a second, eyes shining. Then he practically darted over to where Gabe was standing and threw his arms around the taller man. After practically squeezing the life out of him, he did the same to William, who just grinned and patted his head.

 

“In case it wasn’t obvious,” Pete said, voice a little choked, “I’ll be there.”

 

“I’ll be there too,” Ryan said, not looking up from the spreadsheet he was studying. “Don’t have anything better to do.”

 

“Me too!” Brendon said, beaming over at Ryan.

 

“Though I warn you, I might be bringing my new boyfriend,” Ryan said.

 

Brendon nearly choked. William just raised an eyebrow and said, “Your new boyfriend?”

 

“Well, we’ve only been on a few dates, but we’ve known each other for a while, so we figured may as well make it official,” Ryan said. “You’ve certainly all met him. He was in my band for the Battle of the Bands - Jon?”

 

Brendon’s face immediately fell. He got up out of his seat, refusing to make eye contact with anyone, and walked to the break room. The door slammed shut behind him.

 

——

 

BRENDON: What the fuck? Just when you think you’re making progress…. well, he doesn’t owe me anything, I guess. We don’t even know each other that well. Just through work. And he can date anyone he wants. As long as he’s happy, I guess. _(sighing)_ That’s all that fucking matters, man.

 

——

 

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “What’s his problem?”

 

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Frank said, glaring at Ryan.

 

“We aren’t dating,” Ryan snapped. “There is no plausible reason he should be upset.”

 

“I just find it funny that you never talked about being remotely interested in Jon in all the years we’ve known each other and you’ve known him,” Jamia said dryly, glancing over at Ryan. “And then suddenly Brendon comes along and genuinely fucking likes you and of course, since you’re emotionally stunted, you can’t admit you might like him back, so instead of giving him a chance you immediately jump into a relationship with someone else. And since Jon’s your friend and he’s had a bit of a crush on you for years you figured he’d be convenient. Am I close?”

 

Ryan shot her a withering glare. “Fuck off,” he said, venom lacing his tone. He turned back to the spreadsheet he’d been working on.

 

Everyone sat in awkward silence for a second. Finally, Tyler cleared his throat. “I’ll be there. And so will Josh.”

 

“You didn’t even ask me,” Josh protested. Tyler just raised an eyebrow at him. Josh sighed. “He’s right. I’ll be there.”

 

“Hell yeah, we’ll get lit!” Gabe said, grinning widely.

 

“As much as I wish I could participate in this night of debauchery,” Ray said, glancing warily at William and Gabe, who were standing a little too close for his liking (and Gabe’s hand was a little too close to William’s ass for his liking), “I’m having dinner with my girlfriend. Maybe I’ll stop by after, though.”

 

“We’d be glad to have you, Ray baby,” Gabe said with a wink. William elbowed him.

 

“I’d love to come, but I’m having dinner with my family and Frank,” Gerard said, grinning widely and earnestly. Frank nodded and smiled when Gerard looked at him, but as soon as Gerard turned away, he mouthed ‘oh my god help me’. Mikey hid a snicker behind his hand.

 

——

 

FRANK: Don’t get me wrong, I’m so fuckin’ excited to have Thanksgiving with Gerard this year. I’ve been waiting for this practically my whole life. But, well. Family. Meeting Gerard’s family. It’s a huge step. And I’m pretty short, so I’m not used to taking big steps. What if they hate me? I’m not exactly a parent’s dream. For one, I’m a dude. For two, I have a million tattoos - and no, don’t ask how many, I literally don’t even know at this point. For three, I have piercings. For four - ha, for four, I’m funny - I’m a receptionist. Not exactly the highest paying job in the world. _(chuckling)_ Yeah, I’m fucked.

 

——

 

Lindsey raised an eyebrow as she looked from Frank to Gerard to Mikey, then just shrugged. “Sorry, I’ve got Thanksgiving plans already. Which may or may not be spying on whatever the fuck’s going on at the Way house.”

 

Gerard looked confused, but Mikey just snorted and mouthed something along the lines of “I’ll film it” to her.

 

Hayley just smiled. “I’d love to come, boys, but I’ve got a show. Not a big one, but still - I’m pretty excited.” The whole office burst into various congratulations and excited half-screams, the latter mostly from Gabe. Hayley just shrugged. “It’s not gonna be a traditional Thanksgiving, but hey, it’s what I signed up for, yeah?”

 

Jamia said, “I’m having dinner with my family, but I might stop by for a bit anyways. Mostly to stop certain people from ruining their lives.”

 

“If you’re trying to stop William from dating Gabe, it’s a little late for that,” Ryan responded dryly.

 

Gabe looked offended. Trying not to laugh, William just linked their fingers and gave his hand a squeeze. Jamia scowled. “As if you don’t know what the fuck -“

 

“I’ll be there,” Patrick interrupted, looking nervously between Ryan and Jamia. “And hopefully we’ll be able to prevent any bloodshed.”

 

Andy and Joe just glanced at each other. “We won’t be there,” they said almost in unison.

 

“Joe, you don’t have anything to do,” Mikey said, shooting him a confused glance.

 

“I’m going to volunteer at the circus,” Joe said seriously. “As the, uh, the elephant… rider… man.” Everyone just looked at him and he sighed. “Fine. I’ll be there.”

 

Dallon, who had been silently observing the conversation with a torn look on his face, finally spoke. “I’ll be there too. But my Thanksgiving standards are sky high, so your food better be fantastic.”

 

“Had I known critics would be showing up to our Thanksgiving dinner, I would’ve invited Gordon Ramsey,” William complained.

 

——

 

LINDSEY: I kind of want to go to this Gabe and William dinner now just because it sounds like it’s gonna be the funniest thing in the world. Between Gabe and William just being themselves, Brendon, Jamia, and Ryan having the feud of the century, Pete and Patrick still being in some weirdass love triangle with Mikey who won’t even be there, and Joe being confused, it’s gonna be beautiful. I would say someone should film it, but… you’ll be there, right? _(camera men nodding)_ Fantastic.

 

——

 

WILLIAM: Maybe I shouldn’t be dating a vegetarian. I’m literally making a real turkey and some shit called tofurkey. And Gabe’s trying to help, but he’s completely useless in the kitchen. So, uh, yeah, welcome to the prep for our misfit Thanksgiving dinner. Make yourselves at home. I guess. _(yelling into the hallway)_ Gabe, get your ass in the kitchen! Can you boil some eggs? What? What the fuck do you mean you’ve set eggs on fire before?

 

——

 

A knock at the door started the table out of their conversations. Brendon anxiously tapped his fingers on the table, and Patrick, who had been discussing the intricacies of the music industry with him despite neither of them having been involved in the industry at all, gave him a reassuring pat on the back. Tyler stared at the door blankly. “Opportunity knocks.”

 

“An opportunity for me to knock some sense into someone,” Jamia said gruffly.

 

William exchanged a concerned look with Dallon and shook his head. “I’ll be getting the door,” he informed the table. “Hopefully that’s the last of them so we can finally start eating.”

 

Pete grinned. “Yeah, so I can kick Gabe’s ass at tofurkey eating.”

 

“Only you two would make tofurkey eating into a competition,” Patrick said, a fond smile on his lips.

 

“A competition that I’m gonna fucking win,” Gabe interjected, nudging Pete lightly. Pete stuck out his tongue, but he looked happy.

 

William rolled his eyes, but kissed the top of Gabe’s head as he headed to the door. On the other side stood Ryan, standing hand in hand with Jon and not looking too excited, and Joe, who looked positively pissed.

 

“Warm reception,” William muttered under his breath.

 

“Took you long enough,” Ryan said. “I believe you’ve met my partner, Mr. Jon Walker.”

 

Joe just stared at the camera. William tried not to snort. “Uh, yeah, we’ve met. Hey, Jon. How’s it going, man?”

 

Jon smiled politely at William. “Thanks for having me and Ry here, dude. It’s really cool of you.”

 

“Ryan, but yes, thank you,” Ryan muttered under his breath, looking less than amused. Jon just gave a slightly uncomfortable shrug and walked in with Ryan.

 

Once they entered the dining room, Ryan almost aggressively grabbed a confused-looking Jon’s hand, intertwining their fingers. Brendon bit down on his lip, looking as though he might cry, but all he said was, “Hi, Ryan. Hi, Jon. Uh, welcome.”

 

——

 

BRENDON: You know, it didn’t seem all that real. I could almost pretend Ryan was just being an asshole and messing with me. But like, now that he’s _here,_ and he’s with… with him, it’s totally fucking different. And I’m fucking…. I don’t even know what I am. A little pissed. Mostly… mostly really sad. And sure, Dallon keeps telling me I deserve better, but… there’s no one better for me than Ryan.

 

——

 

At the Way house, Frank shifted nervously from one foot to the other as he stood on the doorstep. He glanced down again at the flowers in his hand and then, inhaling deeply, finally lifted his finger to ring the doorbell. And then he put his finger back down, shaking his head. He raised his finger again, a determined expression on his face, and then once again dropped it. When he lifted his finger again, the door opened.

 

“Mikey,” Frank said, sounding stunned. “Holy shit, do you have fuckin’ telephony?”

 

“Telepathy,” Mikey said, rolling his eyes, “and no, I heard your car pull in the driveway. I watched for a minute or so, but I decided I should put you out of your misery. Come in.”

 

Frank walked in behind Mikey, clutching his flowers tightly. Gerard walked in, grinning, and pulled Frank into a tight hug, crushing the flowers between them and making Frank groan. He couldn’t help but smile, though, as Gerard pulled away and beamed at him. “I’m so goddamn happy you’re here,” Gerard said, eyes bright. “I’ve never spent Thanksgiving with anyone other than Mikes and the rest of the family. Today’s gonna be so fucking awesome.”

 

Frank just blinked nervously as Gerard pulled him into the kitchen. Quickly, he tried to fluff his bouquet back up before Gerard’s mother turned to him. “You must be Frank,” she said, eyeing him. “I’ve heard a lot about you, trust me.”

 

“Uh… yeah, that’d be me,” Frank said. He reached out to give her the bouquet. “I brought these for you, but, uh, your son kind of crushed them.”

 

“Charming,” Gerard’s mother said indifferently. She eyed the flowers and then sat them on the counter. “Gerard, show your friend to the dining room. Everyone’s waiting.”

 

“She hates me,” Frank groaned as soon as they were out of hearing range. “God, I fucked this up already.”

 

Gerard just laughed, giving Frank’s hand a squeeze. “Actually, that was the nicest she’s ever been to one of my boyfriends. Or Mikey’s, come to think of it.”

 

Frank’s head shot up to glare at Gerard. “And you couldn’t have warned me? Holy fuck, you motherfucking _asshole_ -“ He swatted at Gerard aimlessly.

 

Gerard grinned. “Sometimes it’s fun to watch you squirm.”

 

“I hate you,” Frank pronounced. “Tell me your dad’s easier to please?”

 

Gerard shrugged. “Guess you’ll find out.”

 

——

 

MIKEY: _(shrugging)_ It’s a rite of passage. He’ll recover. But, you know… I kind of wish I had someone to… ugh. Never mind.

 

——

 

Jamia stared at Ryan, her gaze piercing. Ryan shifted uncomfortably as he sat down at the table. “You’ve all met Jon,” he said, looking away from Jamia’s gaze. “Anyway, we’re all here now, may as well start eating.”

 

“Fuck yeah,” Gabe said, jumping up from his seat at the table to dash to the kitchen. Pete followed him closely, grinning from ear to ear. William just shook his head at them as they returned into the dining room, carrying a tray full of tofurkey and nothing else.

 

“You realize there’s a ton of other food in there that needs to come out,” William griped, but seemed to cave a little bit when Gabe just smiled innocently at him, batting his long eyelashes in insincere remorse. He grabbed Dallon and Patrick to come with him to grab the rest of the food as Pete and Gabe sat down across from each other at the table.

 

“Rules,” Pete said seriously, staring down Gabe. “Whoever finishes their portion first wins. You must eat all of it — no fucking hiding it in your pants, Gabe, and yes, I remember the vegan wing-eating contest from a few years ago.”

 

“I did not cheat,” Gabe said, feigning offense.

 

“I literally saw the stains on your pants, fuck off,” Pete said, glaring at him. “Tyler and Josh have proven their usefulness at refereeing and therefore will be our referees. They’ve both agreed that they won’t be swayed by any offers of threesomes - though I could be convinced.”

 

Pete winked at Gabe, who chortled back in response and said, “Hell yeah, man.”

 

“You’d better thank God William wasn’t here to hear that and kick your ass,” Ryan said morosely, glancing at Jamia, who was typically his support in his snarky remarks. Jamia pointedly ignored him. He turned his gaze over to Brendon, who used to always be his fan, but Brendon met his gaze and then quickly looked away, his eyes still swimming with hurt. Ryan sunk down a little in his chair and let Jon squeeze his hand in support.

 

William, Dallon, and Patrick came back from the kitchen, and, as Pete and Gabe started stuffing tofurkey down their throats, Patrick came to stand behind Brendon. In a low voice, he said, “How’re you doing?”

 

“Been better,” Brendon said glumly, his gaze drifting over to Ryan and Jon and then snapping back to the tofurkey competition. “Just… I honestly don’t even know what the fuck to do. Or what the fuck I can do. Or what the fuck’s going on.”

 

“Look,” Patrick said, setting a hand on Brendon’s shoulder. “I’ve known Ryan for a while now, longer than you, no offense. And he’s not a bad guy. A little emotionally stunted sometimes, sure, but I think there’s probably a reason for that. And what I think is what Jamia said -that he figured out he may have some kind of feelings for you, completely freaked out, and ran to the closest person he could find. So what you may have to do is just wait. And I know that sucks, but I don’t know what else you could possibly do.”

Brendon sighed and nodded. “Honestly, that’s probably the best advice I could’ve gotten. Thanks, Pat.”

 

“Don’t call me that,” Patrick replied wryly.

 

“And,” Brendon barreled on, ignoring Patrick’s objection, “I’m feeling you with the whole unrequited love thing, but I really think you’re better off without Pete. I just — he really seems to be into Mikey, and I feel like Mikey might be into him too. But don’t you worry, we’ll scour the dating sites and find you someone fifty times hotter.”

 

Patrick stared over at Pete wistfully. Pete was being declared the winner after finishing the entire plate of tofurkey, and Gabe was scowling, looking less than amused with the turn of results. “Maybe you’re right.”

 

“I always am,” Brendon said. Patrick slapped him on the side of the head.

 

“Violence is never the answer,” Tyler interrupted serenely.

 

——

 

GABE: I cannot believe that miniature fucker beat me. He’s like, half my size. And his stomach is half the size of mine! It’s just not physically possible. _(sighing)_ It’s good to see him so happy, though. I was worried when he started talking about his family. I know how it feels to not be accepted by family, and fuck if it isn’t a shitty feeling. I’m so fucking glad I made my own little family. _(smiling wistfully)_ Wait, you mean Gabe Saporta has actual feelings?!

 

——

 

“Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Way,” Frank said sincerely.

 

Gerard’s mother just glanced at him, not seeming impressed. “Sure,” she said, turning away to grab another dish. Gerard grinned and gave him two enthusiastic thumbs up, to which Frank just mouthed “what the fuck” in response. Mikey snorted into his hand.

 

“Well,” Frank said once they’d moved into the den, “that could’ve gone worse, I guess.”

 

“It was fine!” Gerard protested, eyes wide. “She clearly liked you.”

 

Frank just stared at the camera.

 

Mikey raised an eyebrow. “Well, dinner’s over and it’s still pretty early. Maybe we could head over to Gabe and Bill’s thing for a little bit.”

 

“Wonder why you want to go,” Gerard said through fake coughs.

 

Mikey elbowed him, scowling. “Fuck off.”

 

“We’ll go,” Frank said, rushing towards the door.

 

Gerard just laughed as his boyfriend pulled him to the car.

  
——

 

RYAN: Look, I’m a shitty person. Or at least I’m sure everyone thinks so right now. I even think so right now. I’m just trying to figure out my romantic infatuations and I was not aware that in doing so, I would hurt Brendon. We aren’t dating, you know? _(burying head in hands)_ God, I don’t know what I’m doing.

 

——

 

Pete’s face lit up even brighter as Mikey walked in the door. He jumped up from his conversation with Gabe, leaving Gabe to look incredibly offended, and leaped over to stand in front of Mikey. “I didn’t know you were coming!” he exclaimed.

 

Mikey shrugged. “We finished dinner early so I figured we might as well.”

 

“Well, come on in then,” Pete said, grabbing his arm. “We’ve got like, fifty fucking pies, and some kind of black ice cream shit that Tyler brought that I don’t entirely trust, and even a cake, which isn’t very Thanksgiving-ish but who gives a fuck…”

 

“One day they’ll get it together,” Josh said, rolling his eyes.

 

“About the same time Ryan pulls his head out of his ass,” Jamia said, stabbing at her pie with her fork.

 

William put his hand on Patrick’s shoulder. Patrick looked up at him, his eyes dark, and William said, “You can and will find someone that’s better for you. Trust me. And Brendon's right, dating sites might be the way to go. I'll even help you set up a profile if you want.”

 

“Everyone on Grindr looks like Dallon and talks like Gabe,” Patrick said mournfully. “No offense to Gabe or Dallon.”

 

Gabe looked like he was going to object, but William silenced him with a glare. “Well, I used to go on Grindr and shit, but I don’t look like Dallon or talk like Gabe… or at least, I hope not. There are others out there. You just gotta look for them.”

 

“You were on fucking Grindr?!” Gabe snickered at his boyfriend. “Holy shit, you were desperate.”

 

“I didn’t think a certain person would ever come to his senses,” William retorted, elbowing Gabe in the ribs.

 

“I’m on Grindr too!” Josh said, grinning. “One time I matched with Dallon on there.”

 

Dallon nearly spat out the tea he was drinking. “Shut up, Josh, you did not!”

 

“We’ll go partner-hunting together, man,” Joe said. “It’ll be fun.”

 

“Or I could kick Pete’s ass if you want,” Frank offered. “Just for fun.” Gerard elbowed Frank, but then, seemingly realizing that kicking Pete's ass wasn't really something to protest, he grabbed Frank's hand in support.

 

“Life has its own way of working itself out,” Tyler said. "The seas will lead you to the man of your dreams."

 

“Thanks, guys, but no ass-kicking’s required, Frank,” Patrick said, smiling a little bit. “But I might take you up on that, Joe, and you’ll have to help me make a profile that doesn’t attract Dallons, Josh.”

 

Josh grinned and stood up to give Patrick a hug. "We're here for you, man. And hey, if you meet any creeps, you can just call Ty and me. We've been practicing this whole new 'possessed by Satan' routine. It's killer."

 

"Maybe we should set up a profile for Brendon too," William pointed out. "Since someone can't come to terms with his feelings."

 

Ryan, who'd been discussing the merits of cranberry sauce with Jon, just glared at him and pointedly kissed an extremely confused Jon on the cheek. Brendon winced and turned away from the pair. "No thanks. Last time I went on a date from a dating site I literally ended up going out with a fucking mime. He tried to sign to me that he wanted a kiss at the end of the date and I straight up just got up and left."

 

"...you waited until then to leave?" Joe asked, snorting.

 

"He wasn't a bad guy!" Brendon protested.

 

Gerard guffawed. "Holy shit, Bren. Next thing you know you'll be marrying a clown."

 

"Not like you have room to talk," Frank said. "Remember when you went on a date with a fuckin' NBA player by  _accident?_ "

 

Everyone turned to look at Gerard, who flailed his hands. Patrick said, "No offense, Gerard, but I, uh, can't really see you dating an NBA player."

 

"I didn't  _know_ he was an NBA player on the dating app!" Gerard protested. "Then I showed up and he was, like, fucking seven feet tall and I knew how Frank felt! We didn't have a lot in common, or really anything in common, but he was a nice guy."

 

——

 

PATRICK: It's gonna be okay, I think. I've got some cool idiots supporting me. And Pete'll always be my best friend, you know? Besides, from what Gerard and Brendon have to say, online dating sounds like it'll get me some pretty damn interesting stories. Maybe I'll find a future acrobat or something.  _(grinning)_

 

——

In the kitchen, Pete was sitting on the counter to approximate Mikey’s height, but even still he had to look up a little. Looking up at Mikey, he said, “You know, I really thought that this Thanksgiving was going to be total shit without my family, but it’s actually been pretty good. Almost like… a Thanksgiving with my chosen family.”

 

“Don’t tell me Gabe and Bill are your gay dads now,” Mikey said in a deadpan tone.

 

Pete laughed. “Well, maybe I wouldn’t go that far. But… fuck, man. I feel like I’ve got a lot to be grateful for this year.”

 

Mikey smiled a little bit, looking down at the ground. “Me too.”

 

He looked up, and the two of them made eye contact for a moment. Then Pete cleared his throat, his cheeks going red."Now, c'mon, Mikeyway, let's eat some fucking pie."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm still alive!! Sorry that this chapter is so late, I had a lot of difficulty writing it. And I'll be trying to post some more chapters to my other fics soon, no worries. I have not forgotten or abandoned them.  
> This story hit over 100 kudos, which is completely wild and unprecedented. Thank you all so much for your kudos and your supportive comments. Keep spreading the word and letting me know what you think! You all are fantastic and keep me writing.  
> Also, if you have suggestions for fics or prompts for short stories or pairings or comments you wanna hit me with, head over to midtownshowgays.tumblr.com! I'll be responding to anything you want and posting short stories and other updates on there.

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my latest AU!  
> I know, I know, I haven't updated my other AUs in forever. I'll try and get to them ASAP. But I have this entire fic planned out! It's based on The Office, but obviously you don't have to have seen it to understand.  
> Couple of things:  
> \- I may do Joshler, may not. Let me know what you think.  
> \- Some people may be wildly OOC. I apologize.  
> \- I did leave out quite a few band members and I'm super sorry for that, but I didn't want to get overwhelmed by the sheer number of characters. I added in some girl power because I love them.  
> I hope you all enjoyed! Please, please give me some feedback in the comments. I'd love to hear from you. I'll try to update weekly if I can!


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